Cally wasn’t so sure about that. ‘Why did younevermention her? Not even once! Like you were married, for heaven’s sake. It’s major!’
Logan shook his head. ‘At first, it wasn’t important because, well, you know, and then I thought you’d think less of me, that itwould change how you felt about us. I know it was wrong to keep it from you, but I didn’t know how to bring it up. Plus, it means nothing.’
‘I need some time to think about this, Logan. This is a lot to take in. I don’t know if I can do this.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘I’m just not sure I want to continue. I think you should go now. At least it’s out in the open.’
‘Please, let me talk about it.’
'I trusted you. I trusted you with, like, my whole life. And now I find out that you've been keeping this huge, secret from me all along. I stood at that stupid race event knowing that everyone knew, but they thought I didn’t. How am I supposed to believe anything you say, anything you promise, ever again?'
‘Don’t be ridiculous! No one even remembers it. You’re totally overreacting! It means nothing.’ Logan took a step forward. He reached out to grasp her arm, but Cally jerked away, her whole body recoiling from his touch as if it burned. 'Don't touch me. Don't try to explain, justify or make excuses. I can't bear it, actually.’
‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘I can’t believe I actually trusted you. I feel like things are falling apart around me.'
Cally hated the weakness andabhorredfeeling vulnerable. She’d spent so long, her whole life being strong, self-sufficient, and unbreakable. With Logan, she’d let her guard down. Now, it all felt like an illusion. She remembered how she’d felt as if being with Logan had clicked a missing piece of the puzzle, that was her heart, back into place. Now, she hated to admit that she felt as if, at least from her side, they would never fit together quite the same way as they had before.
‘I need time and space to process all this and figure out what it means for us. No, not for us, for me. You know what,Logan Henry-Hicks?' Cally yelled, likereallyyelled. No doubt the whole of the third smallest town in the country heard her. ‘I don’t care about you! All I care about is me!’
‘Well, that much is obvious.’ With that Henry-Hicks turned on his heels and left.
27
Cally woke with a start, a heavy heart, and her mind working overtime before she’d even sat up. For a blissful moment, she couldn't remember why she felt so awful. Then it all came flooding back very quickly: the confrontation with Logan, his secret marriage, the anger and hurt. The fact that he’d said she’d overreacted. The fact that she acknowledged that perhaps shehadoverreacted. Him storming out. She groaned as it swirled around her and pulled the duvet over her head, wishing she could hide from the world. Here she was again, struggling and having to hold up that big old messy sky.
Morning light filtered through the gaps in the curtains, and she could hear the faint sounds of Lovely Bay coming to life outside her window: a very distant clanging of boats in the harbour, a few snippets here and there of early-morning risers from the street, the occasional squawk of a seagull. All an ordinary, very normal day in Lovely. The world had continued to turn and carry on as it usually did, even though she felt as ifitandshehad been shattered into a million pieces. Dramatic much? Totally.
She reached for her phone on the bedside table, wincing as she saw several missed calls and messages from Logan. Shecouldn't bring herself to read them. Instead, she opened her messages from Eloise and tapped.
Cally:You up? Need to talk.
The response came almost immediately.
Eloise:Course I am. Come over. xxx I'll put the kettle on.
Cally:Thx. I’ll just have a quick shower x.
Cally dragged herself out of bed, shuffled out to put the kettle on, walked into the bathroom and pulled the lever on the shower. As she stood under the hot water, she tried to sort through the jumble of emotions whirling inside her. She’d never quite experienced the feelings before. Sure, she’d felt angry and hurt at times. Betrayal, too. This was different, though, and she knew why: anger, hurt, betrayal, and confusion mixed with the fact that she loved the bones of Logan in the midst of it all. It really was as simple as that. She felt drained and overwhelmed by her emotions; the long day at the races and a rubbish night’s sleep all merged to make her feel a million times worse.
Without even thinking about what she was putting on, she dressed quickly in her usual uniform, then paused in front of the mirror. The face that looked back at her did not look good. There was no glow. Older somehow than a few days before, more weary, and not a whole lot of fancy going on there at all. She shoved on a bit of mascara and a swipe of lip gloss so as not to frighten the locals, wiped the shower down, gave the loo a quick clean, washed her hands and went back out to the kitchen.
After making hot blackcurrant in a travel cup, she scooted down the steep stairs from her flat and caught a whiff of freshly baked bread from the deli below. Her stomach growled, reminding her that she hadn't eaten much since before the confrontation with Logan, at the same time as the thought of eating anything made her feel a bit sick.
Just as she was walking out of the back of the deli, Alice, with a huge bag in her arms, came the other way.
'Morning, our Cally!' Alice called out cheerfully. 'You're up early. Fancy a coffee?'
Cally held up her travel cup. ‘Thanks, nope. I'm meeting Eloise. How are you?'
‘Great, thanks. You?’
‘Oh, yes, fine, thanks.’ Cally lied, flicking the switch at the back of her throat which allowed her to sound perfectly okay when she was anything but. 'Just a bit tired.'
Alice frowned. ‘You seem subdued. Not your usual self. Everything alright?'
