Lee wiped his hands on a dirty cloth and grinned. “I own the place.” He motioned around. “Like what you see?”
Joshua looked him up and down. Lee wore a pair of jeans and a tight, long-sleeved cotton shirt, straining over his biceps. Even with the scars twisting up the side of his neck, Joshua had to admit to himself, yet again, Lee was handsome.
Joshua swallowed. “Yeah, I…uh….” He scratched behind his left ear a little nervously and looked away, turning his focus on the yellow bike with the white basket. He pretended to examine it. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
Joshua hadn’t counted on ever seeing Lee again after that day in Earl G. Dumplin’s diner. He’d thought about him a few times, though. He’d considered emailing even but had never been able to come up with a pretense on which to ‘check in.’ It didn’t seem like it was appropriate to contact the skin recipient of his dead lover to say, “Hey, you’re really good looking and seem nice, smart, and like a genuinely decent person. Want to hang out?”
After six years, Joshua wasn’t in mourning anymore, and he was not dead—definitely not dead—andhe did have a libido. A thriving one that he was tired of trying to ignore. Scottsville wasn’t a great location for picking up other gay men, and he’d never been the type of guy to find the idea of Grindr appealing. That still hadn’t changed. Nor was he going to drive down to Nashville or over to Bowling Green for some random hookup. So the fact that Lee played a role in the fantasies that filled his mind in the showers some mornings ever since they’d met said a lot about how much he’d liked the man. But who knew if Lee was even gay?
Lee put his hands on the handlebars of a small kiddie bike, leaning forward in a way that showed off how nicely his shoulders connected to his chest and neck. Joshua didn’t know what it was about the posture, but it made his stomach curl with lust, and he felt his cheeks heating up.
“When I was here last summer to meet you, I kinda liked the place. Small town. Simple living.” He looked directly at Joshua with a bit of meaning in his eyes and a smile that was decidedly suggestive somehow. Joshua’s stomach fluttered. “Nice people,” Lee went on. “I’ve been looking to start my life over somewhere, and this seemed like the perfect spot.”
Perfect. Scottsville was far from perfect, but warmth bloomed in him over Lee’s appreciation of the town’s potential.
A few minutes later, Joshua looked at a green-and-blue touring bike with a brown basket—still gay like him, but less aggressively so—and listened to Lee talk about the care and upkeep of such a bike. Eventually, heart in his throat, he interrupted the shop-talk to ask, “You said you wanted to start your life over… Why’s that?”
Lee went quiet, and then he slipped his hand into his dark hair and shook it out, like he was freeing some part of himself.
“That was invasive,” Joshua said. “I’m sorry.”
Lee shrugged, swung a leg over the bike Joshua was considering, and sat down. “I don’t mind. You shared a lot with me when I met you last time. I consider us friends, and friends are free to ask questions.” He smiled, and the tilt of his lips made Joshua’s heart ache. “Too many memories.”
Joshua swallowed hard. “I know what that’s like.” It was why he’d never gone back to Nashville, wasn’t it?
Lee smiled again, his full lips stretching to reveal his white, straight teeth. “You know how it is. I knew you’d get it.”
“Yeah.”
“Back home, everyone knew me the way I was before. Even after six years they can’t get over what happened to me. I get sick of the pity on their faces. I’d rather see people look aghast at first and then just get over it than deal with another old friend always looking at me like that.”
Joshua put his hand on Lee’s shoulder. “I don’t know why they’d pity you.” He swallowed and then just said it, “You’re so handsome.”
Lee’s face went soft. “Thank you for not saying ‘still.’”
Joshua shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from touching Lee’s cheek. “You are.”
Lee shrugged. “Maybe it’s my problem, then. Maybe I’m the one who’s changed.” He stood up and stretched his arms over his head, which caused his shirt to lift a little, revealing more scars on his stomach. “Want a cup of coffee?” he asked, gesturing to the back room of the shop. “We can talk about other things. Warm up to each other some more, maybe.”
Joshua pressed his lips together in a smile and nodded. He had some time. “Why not?”
There was a small kitchen in the back, along with a window looking out on rolling green fields and telephone wires. Lee gestured at a small table, and Joshua took a seat. As Lee set about boiling the water and producing a French press from a cupboard, he smiled at Joshua. “Tell me more about Neil.”
“Why do you want to know?
“You don’t have to say anything you don’t want. I just feel like he’s what we have in common. And I like the way you look when you’re talking about him.”
Joshua watched as Lee carefully poured the grounds into the press. Not many people wanted to hear about Neil anymore. Most of his family and friends were of the opinion that it was well past time he healed up and moved on. “All right. What do you want to know about him?”
“You said you met when he blessed you out over your dog and then basically stole her from you.” They both laughed. “But how did you fall in love after that?”
Joshua’s stomach flipped. He didn’t know if it was anxiety at being offered a chance to talk about Neil, or a reaction to the bubbling attraction he felt for Lee. He delayed until Lee had joined him at the table, waiting for the familiar sound of boiling water to begin. “Well, it was a slow start between us, but I fell fast.”
Oh, how Joshua rued that he had refused to ever do more than kiss Neil for fear of what that would mean. He’d come out in the end, hadn’t he? Alone and grieving, he’d shouted his queerness to his family, and no one had turned their backs on him. If only he’d been brave enough before Neil was gone.
But he’d been young, and he was learning to forgive himself for that.
He wondered what Lee needed to forgive himself for. He supposed there was only one way to find out, and maybe that involved being the first to open up. He could be brave enough to do that. Besides, it really was good to have an opportunity to talk about Neil.
