Alice had burst into tears, which seemed to freak Neil out. He’d walked over to her, his bony little legs sticking out of his shorts and his hand outstretched. She’d wiped at her face and said, “Don’t, Neil. Just don’t.”
He’d seemed to understand and dropped his hand, looking down at his socked feet and shaking his head, like he was still sure that Jim was an idiot, and Alice had to agree.
That was six months ago, and unless something changed, Alice was worried how they would manage when Jim returned for good. She’d spent more than one long night wondering if she might be able to find a way to make it on her own. Single motherhood would be hard, no doubt about that, especially with a child like Neil—he didn’t look like a six-year-old, or talk like a six-year-old, or act like a six-year-old—but it had to be better than fearing for their safety.
After Marshall died…well, Jim had said everything she wanted to hear. He’d been full of promises of happiness and a home for her and the baby. Alice still thought Jim had meant every word of it, too. But then Neil had been born, and he wasn’t what Jim had expected in a son. Unfortunately, Jim wasn’t the kind of man who could deal with that.
Alice knew that someday soon, they’d have to go.
The news show left the Stouder Lumber case behind and moved on to discuss some brands of infant formula that had been recalled due to bacteria.
Neil turned to her, his blue eyes focused on her face. His expression was intense, focused, the way it always was whenever he started thinking about Joshua. Suddenly, he smiled. “Joshua’s mother had brown hair, too,” Neil said, leaning against Alice’s shoulder to touch her hair with his small fingers. “I never met her. But I know she was different from you. She preached to him about gay being a sin. I’m glad you’re not like that.”
Alice smiled sadly and kissed his forehead. “Being gay is beautiful. All love is beautiful,” she assured him.
Neil nodded, his lips in a thin line. “Love sucks, actually.” Then he kissed her cheek and said, “But you’re okay. I like you.”
Well, if that wasn’t high praise from her son, then she didn’t know what was. And even though she knew it wasn’t the kisses and endless ‘I love yous’ she’d imagined throughout her pregnancy, Neil’s approval was good enough for her.
A week laterMarie showed up at their house with the twins in tow, crying her eyes out. Neil didn’t like Marcus or Meredith, even though they were the same age, because they wanted to throw balls or pretend to be things and people they were not, which as Neil had declared to Alice, were stupid games and, more importantly, a waste of time. The only reason he ever agreed to go to their house at all was to play with their dog, Rocco, a stinky old hound whom Neil adored. It was unfortunate that Alice was allergic to dogs and cats because she thought Neil could have benefited from having one around, since he found human friends so hard to come by.
Alice tried to shoo Neil away from the kitchen table where he was working on a small robot made from a few old scavenged cell phones and a remote control or two, as well as some Legos she’d scored from Goodwill for only a dollar. She told him to go play with Marie’s kids, but he peered grimly at Marcus and Meredith, and shot Alice a look, before turning resolutely back to his work.
Alice sighed, brushed her hair out of her eyes, and sent Marcus and Meredith in to watch cartoons in the other room while she made a pot of coffee for Marie, who was crying too hard to speak.
“Is it Danny?” Alice asked softly. She knew all too well how it felt to get bad news.
Marie shook her head, blew her nose loudly into a paper towel, and said, “No. My mom.”
Neil sighed heavily, as though Marie was annoying him by sitting at his table, and Alice lightly slapped the back of his head in warning as she passed by to deliver Marie her coffee.
“It’s that mass in her chest,” Marie warbled.
“Cancer?” Alice asked.
Marie snuffled. “No, it’s a tumor, really big, they say. But probably not cancer. Thank God. But still—”
Neil looked up then, interest in his eyes. “Where’s it located?”
Marie glanced his way, surprised to be addressed by Neil. Alice couldn’t blame her. Neil usually ignored Marie at all costs.
“I—I—don’t know,” she said and started to cry again.
Neil clucked his tongue. “Location, location, location. Important in real estate and tumors.” Then he turned back to his robot while Marie stared at him aghast and confused. After a moment, Neil added, “Not cancer, huh? If you’re gonna have a big mass in your chest, it’s always best if it’s not cancer. One day, nanites will go in and destroy cancers before they can grow.” He paused, frowned, and then said as if it somehow cost him, “I’m sorry that day didn’t come sooner.”
That was the closest to empathy Alice had ever heard Neil give to anyone other than her or Joshua. The fact that her son had an opinion about the location of tumors qualified as creepier-than-average behavior, and she found that, as usual, she had no idea what to say. Marie wiped her nose and stared at him. Neither of them asked what they were really thinking: “Where did you even come from?”
She wasn’t sure either of them truly wanted to know.
September 2018—Scottsville, Kentucky
Joshua pulled offthe road on his way out of Scottsville Square to investigate a new bike shop that had opened alongside the highway. Joshua wouldn’t call himself much of a cyclist, but he’d been considering purchasing a new one to get to and from the lumber offices on days when it wasn’t too muggy or too cold. It seemed like the progressive, green thing to do, and it wasn’t like he couldn’t use the exercise. Besides, he hadn’t known that a new shop was opening, and he was curious about who was behind it.
The store was small, but the front room was very neat, with rows of shiny bicycles of all sizes and colors lined up, ready to be tried out. Joshua stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked around, looking at the merchandise, trying to decide if he preferred the racing models to the touring bikes with little baskets on the front. Gay, maybe. But so was he.
“Can I help you?”
Joshua blinked. “Lee? What are you doing here?”
