“The schnizzle in your nizzle?” Joshua scoffed. He turned to Dr. Peters. “Brian? Are you seriously asking me to give funding to a project onnanites, and let’s just leave aside my current issues on that particular subject, where the lead scientist—who, by the way, looks barely out of high school—refers to brain activity as ‘the schnizzle in your nizzle?’”
“It’s very old slang, Mr. Stouder,” Dr. Green said oddly. “I can speak in scientific terms only, if you prefer, but I doubt you’ll be able to follow me.”
Joshua didn’t think he could take another minute of this disconcerting likeness to Neil. The voice, the expressions, even the brutal straightforwardness. It was ridiculous, and Joshua couldn’t be expected to cope. He rubbed his face and said, “Sorry, Brian. That’s it. I’m out of here.”
Brian opened his mouth to speak, but Dr. Green interrupted, “Really, Mr. Stouder? You’re going to walk away just like that?” His body trembled, and his eyes blazed. There was something in his tone, something that made Joshua remember all too clearly that first day by his apartment door and the resulting ten-minute scolding he’d received from Neil. “I know you’re a country boy, but haven’t you learned over the years?”
Joshua paused. The arrogant little jerk was definitely taking it too far. “Excuse me?” Joshua asked again. “And just what do you think you know about me?”
“More than you know about me,” he replied.
“Neil,” Brian said in a strong tone.
Joshua narrowed his eyes, heart skipping. “What does Neil have to do with this?”
“Not that Neil,” Dr. Green said, obviously annoyed. “Clearly you didn’t do your homework, Mr. Stouder. He’s talking to me.”
“You?”
“Yes, me. My name’s Neil Green.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
Joshua gasped. The words punched him in the gut, and he blinked at the kid in shock. “I’m sorry, what did you say your name was?”
“You heard me,” Neil Green said, but his voice was soft now, tender, like he cared. “I doubt it’s a name you’d forget. Or maybe I’m wrong about that?” He tilted his head, his tone going so very gentle so that it tingled up Joshua’s spine. “Twenty years is a long time, after all.”
Joshua stared at him. “So you’ve doneyourhomework onme. Good to know. Having a similar name to my dead lover means absolutely—”
Dr. Green laughed, a familiar sound that shook Joshua to the core. He blinked at Joshua almost coyly. “Lover? Isn’t that stretching the truth a little bit?”
His blood simultaneously drained from him and rushed so hard through his veins that he couldn’t hear or see straight. How the hell could Dr. Green know that he and Neil had never consummated their relationship physically?
Dr. Green’s bravado wavered, and he reached out to Joshua with regret washing over his face. Joshua recoiled. It was one thing to sit therelooking likeNeil, andbeing likeNeil, it was another thing to throw Neil in his face.
Joshua pointed his finger at Dr. Green. “Maybe you can talk to other people like that, Dr. Green, but it isn’t going to work with me. I’m not impressed by your so-called ‘genius’ or your rude, inappropriate comments about my past or me. As for giving you money? I think you can pretty much assume you lost all chance of that when you brought up my deadlover, yes. So, Brian, if you want to call me when you find a head scientist who can summon a little respect—”
“Respect?” Dr. Green said. “I do respect you. I’ve always respected you.”
Joshua blinked at him, shook his head, and said, “You don’t know how to show it, Dr. Green.” Joshua stood up, leaning over to put his hands flat on the table. He peered into Dr. Green’s blue, and upsettingly familiar, eyes. “You’re just a kid, so let me spell this out for you. In the future, you’ll want to remember that the guy with the money has your balls in a vice. And they? Just got crushed. Have fun doing your research without funding.”
Joshua dusted his hands off and turned around.
As he left the room, he heard Brian bark something at Dr. Green, and Joshua was momentarily tempted to stay and see how well the kid took a verbal beatdown from his advisor.
Somehow, he thought Dr. Green would hold his own, but he headed toward the stairwell, got out of the building, and into fresh air as quickly as he could.
Chapter Twelve
Neil had neverloathed himself so much as he did when he closed the Barren River hotel-room door on Brian Peters’ still talking face. He hadn’t heard a single thing Dr. Peters had said to him after Joshua walked out of the room, and he didn’t think he needed to hear whatever Dr. Peters was saying now. It couldn’t be harsher than what he was telling himself.
You blew it, idiot. You had this one chance, this one opportunity, and you blew it.
One chance for what? He’d never had a chance with Joshua. Not in this lifetime. He’d been an idiot to come up to meet with Joshua himself. He should’ve insisted they apply for grant money elsewhere, and if there wasn’t another foundation that would even consider something as experimental as what Neil was suggesting, then he should have insisted that Dr. Peters come alone.
But he hadn’t been able to resist the idea of being in Joshua’s presence again.
Neil ran a hand over his mouth. God, his stupidmouth. It was like he’d been possessed, and sentences had come burbling out before he could stop them. He’d never had something like that happen before in this life or the last. It was like all of his nerves had sharpened him into the worst version of himself, the one he only let slip to lab assistants who fucked up, and sometimes to especially shitty baristas.
Fuck.
