Due to his invention and the lack of rigorous testing before implementation in humans, Lee was gone, and Joshua was in pain. He pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing in and out slowly, trying to calm his racing mind. He had to fix it.
But he didn’t know how.
He walked dully back to his rooms, his thoughts darting every which way into the past, present, and future, tearing apart his old nanite schematics and cursing the greed that had led to his work being pushed out into the world before it should have been.
Pushing into the apartment, he grunted at Derek who greeted him with an enthusiastic grin. “Hey, you’re home early. Are you horny or something?”
Neil said nothing, slamming into his bedroom and tossing book after book onto his bed.Journey of Souls,Many Lives, Many Masters,Soul Survivor, and more were flung heedlessly onto the mattress until the pile teetered and books slid off onto the floor.
“What are you doing?” Derek asked, leaning in the doorway, watching wide-eyed. “Are you okay?”
“Fuck all this,” Neil said, tossing20 Cases Suggestive of Reincarnationover his shoulder. “Fuck this shit, fuck my life, fuck my research. Fuck it all.”
“Whoa, whoa,” Derek said softly, putting out his hands. “What’s going on?”
Neil didn’t reply, shoving an entire shelf of books out onto the floor and shouting at the top of his lungs.
Derek grabbed him from behind. “Shh. Come on. Shh.”
Neil struggled against him, but even stringy Derek was stronger than he was. He collapsed against Derek’s chest, breath coming in heaves.
“Talk to me,” Derek murmured, running his fingers into Neil’s hair. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“Lee died.”
“Lee who?”
“Lee Fargo. Joshua’s Lee.”
“Oh.” Derek sat them both down on the edge of the bed, the change in angle of the mattress causing more of the books to slide with a crash down to the floor. “And?”
“And he’ll never forgive me,” Neil murmured. “I’m the reason his husband’s dead.”
“You had him murdered?” Derek asked, mouth falling open, though he wrapped his arms around Neil even tighter.
“What? No, you idiot. He died from nanite dissolution failure.”
“In English?”
“Rogue nanites killed him.”
“Damn.” Derek loosened his grip and Neil could breathe a bit more, but the despairing pain came rushing back.
“I don’t want to do this anymore,” Neil said quietly.
“Do what?”
“Be me. Be this.” He waved at the cascade of books and pushed away from Derek’s embrace. “It’s time for me to move on. Forget Joshua. Forget the past.”
Derek frowned and shoved his dyed black hair out of his face. “Because Lee died? I don’t get it. Isn’t this what you’ve been waiting for?” He paled a little and went on like he didn’t even want to say the next words but forced them out anyway. “Now you can find Joshua, tell him the truth. Be with him.”
“Are you insane?” Neil scoffed. He stood up to pace but was blocked by the mess of books. He kicked one. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Derek’s eyes flickered with hurt. “Hey, now.”
Neil wiped a hand over his face. “No, I’m the stupid one. Thinking that one day he could ever meet me and I could…that we could… That was a dream, Derek. A stupid kid’s dream.”
“I don’t think you were ever a stupid kid.”
