Xan’s stomach soured with the familiar, churning jealousy he’d been struggling to fight off. If that was true, then Vale was an even bigger fool than Xan had realized. And luckier than any worn out, old omega deserved to be.
He swallowed the nastiness down again. It was poison in his gut. He didn’twantto have these feelings and unkind thoughts anymore. He wanted to let go of envy and regret, because he liked Vale, and Vale was good for Jason. He truly was.
But Vale had everything he’d ever wanted and didn’t deserve it any more than Xan did. Less even, maybe, for all Xan knew. And now…
He bit down on his cheek, punishment for his black-hearted thoughts. He knew Vale had endured his share of suffering in the past, but Xan allowed envy to cloud his empathy too much and too often. He didn’t like that side of himself and vowed to improve it. “If you need me, just call. I’ll be here for you.”
Jason slung his arms around Xan’s shoulders, collapsing against him in a hug that went on a long time. Xan breathed in the once-familiar scent of Jason’s skin and hair. He still longed for what they’d had together, but he’d learned to live without it. For better or for worse. Still, he lingered in Jason’s arms, hoping to give as much comfort as he got from their embrace.
Once Jason released him, Xan promised once again to help in whatever way he could. He smoothed Jason’s hair and sent him on his way back into the house. “Go be with him. You need each other now.”
As Jason mounted the steps to the front porch, Xan climbed into his car and, after a very short debate with himself, pointed it toward the darkness he’d come to depend on. It would blot out all longing and envy, all loneliness and want. It would replace those miseries with sensation and fear, with humiliation and pain.
One more fix wouldn’t kill him. Unless it did.
And even that idea didn’t scare him the way it should.
CHAPTER TWO
Urho watched Jasonstir the fire with the poker. His shoulders were still slumped, and the misery that had radiated from him ever since he and Vale had returned from being snowed in at the Amans’ old cabin continued to seep from him like a poison.
He’d have to pull Jason aside later and tell him how important it was that he find a way to be happy, support Vale, and keep Vale’s confidence and attitude buoyed despite his own fears.
“My biggest concern right now, in the early stages, is keeping Vale calm,” Urho said. “Later, say, in a few weeks, my concern will change to the upcoming flu season. It’s already begun, which is a bad sign, and there have already been several flu-related deaths in the poorer districts. They say the strain doesn’t respond to the usual tonics and medicines. A move out of the city proper might be worth considering then.”
“As I said earlier, Vale will take another leave of absence from his work,” Jason said firmly. “There’ll be no argument about that, do you understand?”
Vale shrugged. “It hasn’t been as enjoyable teaching there this year without you on campus. It’s no skin off my nose to let you pamper me here at home.” Though Urho knew Vale well enough to see that he was trying to appease Jason more than truly looking forward to months of putting his feet up.
“Good. Should I hire beta servants to care for him while I’m at the office?” Jason asked.
“I’m pregnant, not infirm. For wolf-god’s sake, don’t go overboard here.”
“He’s right. No need to make him a pallet on the first floor of the house quite yet,” Urho teased. “He can get up and down the stairs by himself. So long as that demon beast doesn’t try to trip him.”
Jason’s eyes zeroed in on Zephyr where she sat on Vale’s wide desk, cleaning her asshole with her scratchy tongue, oblivious to all their attention being focused on her. “Maybe weshouldmove the bed down to this room. If I keep the fire going, it’ll stay plenty warm for us.”
“You’re being ridiculous,” Vale murmured, and then yawned.
“You need to nap,” Jason said, leaving his poking at the fire to come and pull Vale up to standing, as though he were already heavy with child. He led him toward the leather sofa and urged him to stretch out.
Vale met Urho’s gaze and rolled his eyes, but did as Jason demanded.
“I could use some chamomile tea,” Vale said once he was settled. “Would you bring me some?”
Jason kissed Vale’s face half a dozen times and tasked Urho with making sure Vale rested until he returned.
“I have a few more notes I’d like to take,” Urho said, waving him off. “As well as some measurements.”
Jason hesitated. He always insisted on being in the room when Urho examined Vale’s asshole, passage, and womb. Like most alphas it was hard for him to allow hisÉrosgápeto be touched by another alpha in those intimate areas, but unlike most he preferred to be present rather than heading to a bar in order to get drunk and pretend it wasn’t happening.
In that way, he was like his father. Urho remembered well how Yule Sabel had cared so personally and intimately for Miner after his brutal miscarriage and the subsequent removal of Miner’s womb.
“I’m just going to listen to his heart, take his pulse, measure his stomach, and make note of his pallor. I might palpitate his abdomen externally. Nothing that will require fully disrobing.”
Jason nodded stiffly, and then left to fetch the tea as Vale had asked.
“He’s such a sweet baby alpha, isn’t he?” Vale mooned, unbuttoning his shirt to give Urho access to his chest and stomach.
