“It’s a long story.”
Xan punched Jason’s shoulder lightly. “Sum it up.”
A long sigh rushed out of Jason, and his shoulders collapsed even more. His eyes closed, as if he could block out whatever he was about to say the way he could block out sunlight. “We were at his parents’ old cabin in the mountains, the one I finally had refurbished to sell.”
“I remember. That was earlier this month.”
“Right. And there was that early mountain snow storm.”
“Knocked out the roads leading up to the cabin,” Xan said, recalling how subdued Jason had been since returning from that trip. Pieces started to come together. “You guys were stuck.”
“For five days while the crews worked to dig out the roads. The phones were down. It was just us. All alone. It was wonderful at first. Romantic and fun. But then…” Jason shook his head, anguish peeking through again. “It’s been happening more and more as he gets older.”
“An unexpected heat?”
“Out of the blue. No warning. I—” Jason’s Adam’s apple bobbed convulsively, his eyes going distant and dark. “I tried to hold back. There were no condoms. I hadn’t packed any. I didn’t expect—” His voice broke. “The roads were blocked. He was screaming in pain. I didn’t have a choice.”
“Of course you didn’t.” Xan touched his arm gently, but Jason pulled away. Xan tried not to let that hurt.
“I’ve spent the last few weeks praying for a miracle. Not every omega gets pregnant with every heat. I told myself there was every chance he’d be safe.”
Given that not every heat produced a viable pregnancy, Jason certainly had good reason to hope. Xan himself was now all too familiar with fruitless heats. He shuddered, remembering the only one he’d endured with Caleb so far. Horror streaked through him again along with traumatic memories of his kind, loving omega on his back, screaming in agony while Xan had tried his best—and failed—to satisfy him.
Thankfully they had a few more months before another heat was due. Though Xan still didn’t know how he was going to handle it alone. He’d failed so miserably last time.
And wolf-god help them if Caleb started having unexpected heats too. Though Caleb was only five years older than Xan, so hopefully that unpredictable period of his life was still some time into the future. With any luck, by then Xan would have solved his problem. Because it washisproblem, not Caleb’s, and he needed to come up with a solid plan—for them both.
“I let him down,” Jason whispered.
“I’m so sorry.”
He didn’t have anErosgapéconnection with Caleb, and he wasn’t even in love with his contracted omega like many alphas tended to be, but hecaredabout Caleb like a family member or a dear friend. He couldn’t imagine the burden of guilt Jason carried now, much less how terrified he must have been at the idea of possibly losing Vale. Pregnancy and birth were dangerous for omegas in the best of health and the prime of life.
What an idiot Vale was! He should allow Urho to abort the baby! But Xan couldn’t be too surprised by Vale’s selfishness. He’d always known Vale wasn’t good enough for Jason. He’d said so the day Jason imprinted on him, hadn’t he?
And he’d only just started to think maybe he’d been wrong about his initial assessment, what with Jason being so blissfully happy, and Vale being so damned good to Jason. But maybe this situation just proved he’d been right from the beginning.
“I tried my best,” Jason went on, his voice rough with emotion. “But I failed him. He should hate me, but he says he doesn’t. He insists he loves me more than life, but he still wants to have our child.”
“Of course he loves you.” Xan’s irritation prickled again. Who wouldn’t love Jason? Sweet and strong, dedicated and devoted, he was one of the dreamiest alphas Xan had ever known.
He’d been in love with Jason himself back before Vale came into their lives, and he’d only gotten over it by taking up a bad habit so consuming that it drowned out everything else…
Xan’s cheeks warmed and his knees went weak with yearning. Temptation snuck in, hot and sharp, clouding his senses with the urge to satisfy needs too long unmet.
He could make a detour on this way home. Get a hit of the darkness he craved. A hit that would rattle his teeth and bruise his body to be sure, yet Xan could never seem to get enough of it.
He shook his head free of the fog and focused on Jason again. His heart ached at the terror he saw in his best friend’s eyes. Reaching out, he cupped Jason’s cheek. “Vale loves you just as much as you love him. You’reErosgapé. And if things get dangerous for him, I’m sure he’ll make the right choice.”
“Get dangerous? They alreadyaredangerous, Xan.” Jason blew out a frustrated breath. “Vale’s got scar tissue inside, a lot of scar tissue. I feel it every time I fuck him. Urho says it’s grown more flexible since I came into Vale’s life. Something about me knotting him so long during heats and fisting him regularly between…” His cheeks flushed scarlet and he ducked his head. “Urho says the scar tissue has been stretched out, that it’s not so tight as it used to be. The anti-inflammatory properties of alpha semen have also contributed, he claims. But I don’t know if I can trust him.”
Urho’s dark eyes, somber and serious, flashed in Xan’s mind. “Of course you can trust him. He would never hurt Vale.”
“You said he’s still half in love with him,” Jason said, nodding thoughtfully. “I’ve told you, right? Before I came along, they were lovers?”
“Yes.”Because Vale gets to have everything.
“I don’t think Vale ever truly returned his feelings,” Jason said, relief lacing his words. “If he had, then I don’t know that I could see Urho as a friend, especially since he still cares for Vale.”
