‘Shall we go out tonight and get wasted?’ Lee asked.
Anna considered this and was on the verge of accepting when she remembered she had plans.
‘I have a date,’ she said.
‘You sound really happy about that.’ Lee laughed.
‘Well, I quite liked the getting wasted idea.’
‘Maybe you’ll get wasted with your date.’
‘It’s not the same, though. You’re my favourite person to get wasted with. This side of the Atlantic, at least.’
‘Is it the rich guy?’ Lee asked.
Anna had made the mistake of letting Lee look through the dating site she was on with her one weekend. It had been him who had persuaded her to get in touch with this man, Brandon, after seeing photos of him on yachts and at extravagant-looking parties.
‘That’s the one.’
Anna sipped at her cocktail and thought that there’d be no getting wasted with Nia in the near future. They had a long history of drunkenness, starting with cider in the park at fifteen and continuing with vodka in water bottles on the way to house parties on the Tube. Plus pubs, the endless pubs they’d drunk in together before first dates and after breakups and over Sunday lunches that stretched from afternoon to evening. And now Nia was pregnant and wouldn’t be drinking, and then she’d have a baby and wouldn’t be able to go out much. Anna caught herself. They didn’t even live in the same city, or the same country. The impact of Nia’s pregnancy on Anna’s social life was not the main issue here. It was about growing up, wasn’t it? They were thirty-four, and it was finally happening. Nia was growing up without her.
When they’d finished their drinks and were standing outside the restaurant, about to walk off in different directions, Lee pulled Anna in for a hug.
‘I know what it’s like, to feel like you’re losing someone,’ he said, his voice low, as if he was afraid that someone else would hear. ‘People move away, move on, like you did. It’s almost always okay, in the end. It works out.’
‘Thanks,’ Anna said. She meant it. Lee made her feel better about things. It was a skill he had.
‘Anytime,’ he said. ‘Good luck on your date. Imagine, this time next year you could be a lady of leisure, if you play your cards right.’
Anna laughed. ‘Imagine.’
10
YES
Sunday 5 June 2005
Anna stood in the doorway, surveying the damage.
‘I made Sam into a snowman,’ Thomas said earnestly.
Sam was covered in Sudocrem from head to toe. He was dressed in just a nappy, and Anna wondered briefly where his clothes were but then reminded herself that that was really the least of her concerns. Thomas was covered in patches of the stuff, too. He looked like a painter who’d got carried away. It was on his cheek, his top, in his hair. A quick glance around the room confirmed that the worst of it was confined to the two boys. She couldn’t see any Sudocrem on the walls or the furniture or the carpet. That was something. She reached out and picked Sam up, holding him at arm’s length and carrying him into the bathroom.
‘Come on, Thomas,’ she said, ‘let’s have a bath.’
‘But it’s still the morning,’ Thomas said.
He was a stickler for rules and routines. If only she’d made it a rule not to cover his brother in Sudocrem, he probablywouldn’t have done it. But how could she possibly pre-empt all the ridiculous things they might do when her back was turned? She’d only left them for about five minutes. It was quite impressive, when you thought about it.
‘It is still the morning,’ she said, ‘but you two need a wash, don’t you?’
Sam started to cry, then. He was sitting on the bathmat and he’d wiped his arm across his face and must have got some of it in his mouth. Plus, it was nearly time for a feed. Anna felt exhausted. How many times had she been up in the night? Three? Thomas had been sleeping better at this stage, she was sure. But then, she couldn’t really remember. How were you supposed to remember every little thing when you hadn’t slept properly for months or years? She sat down on the lid of the toilet and put her head in her hands for a minute. She would bath them, and then she would feed Sam, and then she would drink a lot of water and it would help her stay awake.
A thought flashed up: this would be easier if Edward was here. It was a thought she had a lot. More and more. And through the fog of tiredness, it was hard to tell whether it added up to wanting him to be here. Since the revelation about Fran, he’d been living with a friend. He hated it, and never wasted an opportunity to let her know that. He was meticulous about his time with the boys and she was pretty sure nothing further had happened with Fran, or with any other woman. Some days she was ready to take him back, and others she just wasn’t, quite. Being a single mum, though, was so different to what she’d planned. She supposed it was that way for everyone. Very few people set out to do it alone. Occasionally, she felt like perhaps that was why she’d felt so worried when she’d first found out she was pregnant with Sam. Like somehow her body and brain had known that she wasn’t only going to be stepping up from onechild to two, but that she was simultaneously going to be going from two parents to one.
‘Mummy?’ Thomas asked.
She looked at him, at his soulful brown eyes which looked full to the brim of sadness.
