Since I didn’t have any comeback to that, I turned and left the room, my whole body fizzing with God knows what as I walked to the shared dressing room. The first person I saw was Daniella, of course. The two of them were making my head spin.
From now on I would keep my distance from both of them and let them get on with whatever it was they had going on.
Six hours later, I was back home and sitting at the kitchen counter with my laptop open in front of me. I’d taken off my stage make-up and had changed into my favourite sweat pants and top, which was made of the most deliciously cosy peach felt fabric. I’d poured myself a glass of wine to celebrate the success of our performance, even if I was drinking entirely alone; even if it felt a bit crap not to have anyone tocelebrate with. I was about to speak to my sisters and I wasn’t convinced they’d even ask me how it went. How sad was that? Especially in a family of dancers. Was putting myself first really such a crime?
I started the Zoom call, downing a huge mouthful of wine before the two of them joined, although I knew that nothing was going to make this any easier. We had a WhatsApp group calledSisters Are Doin’ It For Themselves– Sedi had come up with the name – and usually we were pinging messages back and forth all day, and sometimes all night. But the group had been strangely silent of late, with my messages going mostly unread, leaving me wondering whether they were having private chats elsewhere without me.
The screen pinged to life as Nolo joined the call – it was a running joke in our family that she was always early, I was to-the-minute on time and Sedi was perennially late. Since it was only early evening in New York, Nolo was still dressed like the epitome of an off-duty ballet dancer. I imagined she’d walked home from her rehearsal space on the Lower East Side and hadn’t long stepped through the door of her cool but grimy Brownstone walk-up.
‘It’s good to see you,’ I said, leaning closer to the screen.
‘You, too,’ said Nolo.
Okay, this was a good start, although I supposed she hadn’t actually been there to experience the full horror of the row at the studio. Clearly she’d been told what had happened, and I wondered what she thought. Whatever it was, I suspected she wouldn’t hold back from telling me.
‘How did rehearsals go today?’ I asked her, stalling for time until Sedi made an appearance.
She shrugged. ‘Pretty well. It’s tough doing back-to-back shows. There’s talk of us getting a proper break at some point, but probably not until after the summer.’
‘Hopefully you can come home for a bit, then? It’s been ages since we’ve seen you properly.’
I craved spending more time with my youngest sister, who had moved to the US when I was twenty-one. She’d lived with a family friend initially, attending classes at the dance academy for a year until she was chosen to join the principal company at seventeen. I’d been to New York a few times to visit and I loved the place, but it was expensive to get there, and much as I loved travelling, it had always been difficult to get more than a few days away from the studio.
‘Maybe,’ said Nolo non-committally.
Sedi finally joined the call. She was in her pyjamas like me, but still looking as striking as ever with a full face of make-up and her gorgeous afro hair worn in a natural style.
‘Sorry I’m late,’ said Sedi, not looking as though she was sorry in the slightest.
‘I was just telling Nolo how much we miss her,’ I said.
‘Hardly,’ scoffed Nolo. ‘Mum and Dad are never at home, anyway, and you’ll be off on tour again soon, Sedi. It’ll only be you at home,’ she said, looking pointedly at me.
‘Probably. Although you never know, do you?’ I said, suddenly irked by the assumption that things would gostraight back to normal afterSlow Burnhad finished its run. That I’d be back managing the studio where, in their eyes, I belonged, all notion of performing forgotten. They’d probably been talking amongst themselves about how maybe I just needed to get it out of my system so that, afterwards, everything could return to its rightful place.
‘What do you mean “probably”?’ asked Sedi.
‘Oh, so you are speaking to me, then?’ I said. ‘Only I haven’t heard from you for days.’
‘I’ve been busy,’ she snapped.
‘Too busy to come and see me perform?’
Sedi shifted uncomfortably in her seat. ‘Look, I tried to make it, but I’d already made plans I couldn’t get out of.’
‘It’s fine,’ I said. ‘I’m not sure why I expected anything different.’
I’d lost count of the number of times I’d happily travelled to see my sisters perform, and my mum on occasion, too. If I was in their position, I would have dropped almost anything to show my support.
I took another sip of wine, buying myself some time. I could already feel things getting heated and that hadn’t been my intention when I’d suggested a chat.
‘Look,’ I said, getting to the point of the call. ‘I asked us to meet tonight because I hate that we’ve all fallen out. Let’s talk it out. And why don’t we start with you two telling me exactly why all of this has upset you so much?’
Sedi rolled her eyes. ‘Do you have to be so dramatic, Lira?’
‘I don’t even know why I’m getting pulled in to all of this, anyway,’ complained Nolo. ‘What can I do about any of it from over here?’
I bit my lip, trying to be gentle with them, because if I went in hard, they’d only get defensive and we’d end up worse off than we’d been before the call.
