“He’s twenty years old, Bishop. He’s a child.”
“He’s not a child, but again, we’re not talking about Tristan. I’m asking you a question about me.”
“Fine.” Rocco meets my eyes. “You’re incapable of loving anyone but yourself.”
My eyes narrow. “Wow.”
“I’ve known you for years, Bishop. I’ve seen it. I remember what went down with Sean. And Mark. And James.” He looks away for a moment before shifting his eyes back to me. They’re filled with sadness. “And me.”
“What?”
“Me, Bishop. You’re so blind when it comes to emotions. You just block it out because it’s not comfortable for you. You couldn’t see that I was falling for you. That night... I wanted to make love to you so badly, but you didn’t feel what I did. You called me your brother.”
“Oh god.”
“But that’s not how I saw you then. I played it off to save face. For the record, I’m completely over it now. I recognized that I was never going to get your heart. So now, yeah, we’re brothers, but I remember the pain of your casual rejection. Forgive me, but I do not want that for Tristan.”
I’m stunned by his admission. Fucking stunned. I never saw it. Never.
“I didn’t know.”
“I know.”
“You mean the world to me, Rocco. I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know, Bishop. You can’t see love even when it’s being handed to you.”
“I guess not.”
He grabs my hand. “You’re my best friend for a reason. You have a good heart, and you’re an amazing man. I think the world of you in all aspects of life.”
“Except romance.” I nod. “You think I’m broken when it comes to love.”
“If you could look me in the eyes and tell me you fell in love with my boy, that you weren’t just fucking around with his mind and his heart, that he actually meant something to you, I would try to understand. I would really try. But if you want to tell me…” He shakes his head. “Don’t tell me you fucked him, okay. I don’t ever want to hear that. If it isn’t love, I don’t want to hear shit.”
He knows. He fucking knows. “I have to go.”
“I’m sorry, Bishop.”
I stand, gazing down at my friend. “Yeah, me too.”
I walk out and sit in my car for several minutes, staring straight ahead. Is Rocco right? Am I incapable of loving someone? I had no idea that’s what he was offering me all those years ago. I thought we were just friends with a close bond. Is that what Tristan is offering me? And if he is, can I accept it, or am I just fucking broken like Rocco thinks I am?
There’s only one person who knows me better than Rocco. I dig my phone out of my pocket and dial.
“Hello?”
“Rachel? It’s Bishop.”
“Hey. What’s up?”
“Do you think I’m broken?”
“What?” She laughs softly. “Where is this coming from?”
“Rocco just told me I’m incapable of love, and I wouldn’t recognize it even it was handed to me on a plate. You’ve known me almost my entire life. Is it true?”
“Aw, Bishop. I don’t think that’s fair to say. I just think you haven’t had a reason yet to give your heart over to someone.”
