I don’t deserve Cooper Barnett.
Chapter Thirty-Six
After having a long cry in the Bramble Falls gazebo, I sneak into Aunt Naomi’s dark house. I close the door softly behind me, and there’s a sudden movement on the couch as Mom jumps up.
“I’ve been so worried,” she says. “Your dad said he didn’t know where you were; Fern said you left there almost five hours ago; no one here had seen you. You can’t do that to me, Ellis.”
“Sorry.” It’s all I can say. I have nothing left in me.
Mom relaxes, her eyes softening. “Your dad said you found out—”
“Yeah. But I… I can’t do this right now,” I tell her. “Is it okay if we talk in the morning?”
“Of course. I’m here whenever you’re ready.”
I go to the attic, and after folding myself into a ball in my bed, I cry until I fall asleep with my face buried in my citrus-scented, salt-soaked pillow.
The next morning, I wake up to Sloane sitting on my bed with a plate of warm chocolate Pop-Tarts. She hands it to me as I pull myself up to sit.
“Heard you talked to Cooper last night,” she said. “Figured you’d need chocolate. This was all we had.”
I take a bite of the Pop-Tart. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”
“How are you?”
I set the plate next to me. “Not great.” She offers an empathetic nod, and I pull at a string on my comforter. “Are you mad at me?”
“What? No,” she says. “I was kind of upset because you made it sound like this is the last place in the world you want to be, but I don’t know, it kind of seems like a you problem. I feel like everyone here has been really welcoming to you, and I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do to change how you feel.”
“I don’t hate it here. At all. Everyone has been great,” I agree. “And you’re right—this is totally a me problem. I freaked and then I bolted back to New York. It wasn’t the right way to handle it, and I’m sorry… but that’s not all.” I swallow, picking at my nail polish. “I found out my dad’s having an affair.”
“What!” Sloane’s expression is a mixture of shock and feral rage.
I won’t be surprised if I find her disposing of Dad’s body in a bathtub full of Mountain Dew later.
“And as soon as I found out,” I continue, “I just wanted to be back here. I took this place for granted.” I look at her. “And Cooper. I took him for granted too.”
She bites her lip, her shoulders slumping. “He’s not in a great place right now, as I’m sure you know.”
“Yeah, I screwed up.”
“Whatever happened between the two of you is your business, though. Don’t forget that when people are prying and taking sides.”
“Ugh, this week is going to suck, isn’t it?”
“It’s a small town, so yeah, it really is. I’m sorry. But it’ll blow over.” She stands. “I’m meeting Asher so we can go shopping for a witch costume for the parade. Do you want to come? It was your brilliant idea….”
“No, I think I’ll stay here and wallow. But thank you for still doing that.”
“Of course. It’s my dream role,” she says with a grin.
As my cousin leaves to prepare for next weekend’s parade, my eyes snag on a half-finished dress concept hanging alone on the curtain rod. I take one more bite of my Pop-Tart before I throw my blanket off, pull out the box of plaid shirts, and start sewing.
Because it’s the only thing that can bring me an inkling of joy amid all the heartbreak.
I spend the rest of the week hidden in my room when I’m not at school. Word about me messing everything up got around to everyone in town quickly. I can’t even get a coffee or walk down the sidewalk without people looking at me like I broke the thing dearest to them.
Because I did. Again.
