She pushed open the storm door and I turned as Julian walked in and greeted thedog.
“Hey, Sam.” He darted a wary glance at me. “How’severything?”
“Eh. Same shit, different day,” she said. “Your boyfriend here just let me get warm. I came by to say that I’m making progress with the shed, but I’ve left a bunch of stuff there to get carted off next week. I’ll get back to it.” Her gaze swung back and forth between Jules and me. “And I’ll let you two get on with your… record playing.” She wiggled her eyebrows atme.
Jules squinted at her. “Ourwhat?”
But Sam sashayed out the door withoutreplying.
“Is that, like, a euphemism for sex? Do teenagers even know what record players are?” He went to the door to watch Sam walk away. “Does she have a car? Is someone giving her a ride? Isn’t it cold out in theshed?”
I backed Julian against the door. “Hi.”
“Oh. Um.” He swallowed. His blue eyes were huge and uncertain. “Hey.”
“I’m going to kiss you,” I said. “Is thatalright?”
“Yeah,” he breathed. Then he shook his head. “Or no.No. Actually, we should talkfirst.”
“We definitely need to talk,” I agreed. “Butfirst—”
I kissed him with everything I had—with all the longing and the fear that had built up over two days without speaking to him, with all the aftershocks of the revelations I’d just had still running through me. At first, he didn’t respond, but then he did, relaxing into the kiss, relaxing into me. And that was when I thought maybe, possibly, everything was going to work outalright.
I eased back before I could lose myself in it completely, brushing one last chaste kiss across his lips before trailing my hands down from his neck to hisarms.
Julian lifted a hand and rubbed his fingers across his mouth, staring at me like he wasn’t quite sure whether he wanted to talk or just keep kissing. But the kissing wasn’t the issue between us—it never really had been. He needed words, and I wanted to give them tohim.
At least, I was pretty sure Idid.
“I have questions,” Julian said. “Things I need to ask you.” His voice was husky and a littleuncertain.
“I know. You can ask meanything.”
He blinked and then took a step back, like my easy acceptance had made him skeptical. “Really?” He was so fuckingcute.
“Yes. Really.” I couldn’t help grimacing. This was not going to be fun. At all. “Ask anything and I’ll try toanswer.”
“Okay.” He licked his lips and I could practically see the wheels turning behind his eyes. He hadn’t expected me to agree. He didn’t know how to begin. “First, how are you okay withthis?”
He motioned between us, to the bare inches separating my t-shirt-covered chest and his heavycoat.
“Why are you still wearing your jacket?” Iasked.
He shook his head impatiently. “Because you didn’t let me get in the door properly before you started kissing me?” He unzipped his coat and removed it, throwing it over the sofa. “Happynow?”
I was, mostly because I was still really nervous, and anything that delayed him leaving was a goodthing.
“Now. Tell me, please,” he said. “How are you feeling about this, us?Isit freaking you out? Does it feel right? Because I do know you’re attracted to me,” he said, holding up a hand like he wanted to forestall my protests aboutprovingmy attraction. “But how do youfeelaboutthat?”
I nodded. Okay, this was a fair question. An easy one, really. And it was a sign of just how oblivious I’d been and how badly I’d screwed up with Julian if he was really questioning stuff likethis.
It was fucked up that we used to talk abouteverything, and all of a sudden, once sex was thrown into the mix, neither of us had spoken about anythingimportant.
I grabbed his hand and towed him to the sofa, relaxing into the middle seat while he plopped on the end, close enough to touch but not so close that we couldn’t have aconversation.
Probably.
“It’s not fucking me up or freaking me out. It confused the hell out of me for a minute,” I admitted. “And there was a time when I wondered if it was real, not because it wasn’t powerful but because itwas. I’d never felt anything like this before, ever. And I still don’t know how to label it, or even if I want to. But so much has changed this year, Julian, and I’ve redefined myself in so many ways, this is the most minor way. And the very best way, too, because ofyou. ”
