“And what gossip is it exactly that you think I have? I'm not the one who’s been at work every day,” she said, still feigning innocence. It wasn't that she didn't want to share what had happened between her and Micah with her friends because she didn't trust them, she did, even Isabella, who she hadn't known for very long, it was just that she still wasn't sure what she wanted, or what she could handle.
Bringing others into it increased the pressure to make some sort of decision.
It wasn't like she was trying to drag things out for punishment to Micah or anything. She didn't want to hurt him, or leave him living in limbo, she just honestly had so many thoughts and emotions swirling inside her that it was too hard to still them all, put them into some sort of logical order, and make sense of them.
“There was zero gossip from here,” Ava said. “All we did was work and worry about you.”
“We want therealgossip,” Chelsea told her.
“And I have that real gossip?”
“From the pink on your cheeks and the way you keep darting little glances over at Micah, I'm going to say yes,” Isabella informed her.
“Little glances at Micah?” Had she really been doing that? She hadn't even realized. Although now that she thought about it, it did seem like she was constantly reassuring herself of his presence by seeking him out.
“Something happened between you two, right?” Chelsea, the romantic, asked.
Lying felt wrong, especially with her best friends. Maybe they could offer her a little perspective since she was having so much trouble figuring it all out on her own. Isabella didn't know about Teresa’s past, but her newest friend had suffered a similar fate when she was abducted last year in Cambodia and trafficked, so even though they’d known each other for the shortest amount of time, Isabella might actually understand the best.
“Yeah, something happened,” she acknowledged. “We talked some more yesterday, and I told him that I forgive him.”
“For leaving you?” Ava asked.
“Turns out Micah thought I cheated,” she explained. They hadn't had a real chance to talk since she found out the truth about everything, but now that she’d started talking, she wanted to get it all out, wanted them to help her figure out where she went from there. “He was upset, left, blocked me, and became a SEAL. While they were holding us captive, we finally talked, and I told him what really happened. He was … devastated.”
It made her sound like a bad person, but she was glad of that.
If the truth hadn't changed anything for him, or if he’d still tried to put most of the blame on her, or if he’d only been mildly apologetic but defended his actions, she wasn't sure she could have forgiven him.
“How could he have thoughtyouwould have cheated?” Chelsea gasped. “You barely had time to breathe back then.”
“He was young, and he made a terrible mistake. One that hurt me deeply. But he’s apologized a million times, he, uh, even cried.” She didn't tell them that to embarrass Micah—not that she thought it actually would, she was pretty sure he would wear those particular tears as a badge of honor—but to emphasize to her friends how serious he was. “He wants me back, said he still loves me, but that he also understands there might be no going back. Forgiving him was easier than I thought it would be.”
“Because he was sincere,” Ava said.
“Makes all the difference,” Isabella added.
“I was gang raped when I was seventeen,” she told Isabella.
“Kind of figured from everything I’d put together,” the other woman told her. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“Right back at ya. It’s … indescribable, as you know. It was a long time ago now, and in some ways, I've moved past it, but in other ways I haven’t. I've had sex since, and I … you know … get myself there sometimes. But it’s never been fun for me. It’s weird because trusting Micah with my heart seems so hard, but trusting him with my body was much easier.”
“You guys had sex,” Chelsea exclaimed excitedly.
“Shh,” Teresa shushed, but as she looked over to the other side of the table, she saw the guys were deep in conversation and didn't seem to have heard. “We did, and it was amazing, but after …”
“After what?” Ava asked.
“Well, things weren't awkward even though I thought they might be. He helped me cook dinner, and he came up with a safe way to get me here this morning, and we watched some TV, even talked a little, about our jobs, and hobbies, nothing too deep or personal. When it was time for bed, I didn't want to leave him, wanted him to stick close, but I didn't know how to ask.”
Asking for help had always been hard for her. She’d had to be a grown-up from the age of nine, but asking Micah for anything seemed particularly hard because he hadn't been there when she needed him.
“Pretty sure he’d jump at doing anything you asked him to,” Isabella said.
“He would,” she agreed. “But is it fair of me to ask anything more of him when I don’t know what I can give him in return?” Asking for help with sex was one thing, but how did she find the strength to move beyond that?
“I don’t think he sees your relationship as transactional,” Ava said gently. “Part of him wants to do things for you to make up for his actions in the past, I'm sure, but I don’t believe that’s all there is to it. Hewantsto be there for you because he loves you. No strings, no add-ons, no anything else. Just love.”
