I called 9-1-1 while my mom performed CPR on my dad. Once the paramedics got there they sprang into action and confirmed that my dad still had a heartbeat and was breathing just very faintly. It was reassuring to hear, yet still very terrifying because he was unconscious and stayed that way while they worked on him. I didn’t think I would ever be able to get the memory of how he looked lifeless on the ground out my head. Now, here we were, on our way to the hospital and both of our emotions were at an all-time high. The tension was so thick in the car it could be cut with a knife!
As I closed my eyes, I began a quick prayer to God for my dad. “Lord, I know I don’t come to you as often as I should and for that I apologize. I also know that I only come to you in my time of need instead of praising you every day and for that I apologize for, too. But please, if you don’t do anything elsepositive for me for the rest of my life, can you please let my daddy live? Please don’t take him from me. I need hi?—”
Before I could finish, my mom finally spoke, well more like spat, rudely breaking me from my moment with the Lord. “You should really be ashamed of your damn nasty ass self! Selling ass? Really, Tatiana? I just don’t get it!” she continued to fuss as I bit my bottom lip to keep from saying anything. “Where, dear Lord, did I go wrong with this damn child here! The more I try to help you get and stay on the right path,” she fussed, hitting her steering wheel with every word she spoke, “the more you continue to FUCK UP! And now, you done stressed your daddy out so bad we might lose him!”
“Tah!” I mocked, not able to help myself. “You’re making it seem like I’m out having sex for money, when it’s not like that,” I lied. “You clearly have no idea what OnlyFans is—” I rebutted in an effort to defend myself.
“I don’t give a fuck what it is!” she roared, rolling her head. I prayed we didn’t wreck from all the dramatics she was doing. “All I know is I saw a picture where you had that stanking ass puss spread wide open on that damn site! And what I do know, is, if you were to try to remove it, you’re fucked because the shit is now a part of the black market FOREVER! When you grow the hell up and decide to finally do something with your life, you’re gonna regret all this stupid shit you’re doing now. The rate you’re going, you’ll never be shit in life! Business minded people don’t take people like you serious ‘cause you too reckless, fucking mindless. This is why I treat you like a teenager! You stay doing foolish shit! On the damn internet selling your ass and laying up with men that are way out of your league! You doin’ way too damn much, and now because of YOUR bullshit, your father is FIGHTING FOR HIS FUCKING LIFE!” She screamed like a manic causing me to jump in my seat.
My blood was boiling, and I was mixed with a plethora of emotions listening to all she was saying. My mom hated the fact that I was a daddy’s girl, so it shouldn’t have been a surprise that she would blame me for my dad collapsing. I swear that lady loved to go for a person’s core. She was the GOAT for hitting people exactly where it hurt. Pulling up to Advocate Condell Hospital, I did my best to ignore her. As bad as I wanted to tell her that she was also partially to blame because she was a lot to deal with and handle, I chose to keep my mouth shut. She and my dad had a great relationship for the most part, but it was no secret that she gave him hell. Hence the reason he never put up a fight with her. He knew it would be a waste of his time because if it wasn’t my mom’s way, it was the highway, periodt! That’s probably what made her such a successful lawyer. She didn’t let up until she got her way and what she wanted no matter what.
All I was really concerned about was my dad to be honest. I could care less what my mom was talking about because she had no clue what she was even saying anyway. She had no idea what OnlyFans really was, but of course, Jamal had to show her the worst of the worst, so she was really showing out and putting a ten on a two about the whole situation thinking she knew it all. Aside from my dad, I couldn’t stop thinking about Reggie. I enjoyed our time together last night and was lowkey missing him. Truthfully, I needed him to be there with me, but the birth of his child was more important, and I understood that.
As my mom searched for a parking spot in the emergency room lot, she continued to go off about me being reckless for selling sex over the internet. As my mom continued to go off on me, calling me every name in the book but a child of God, I grabbed my phone to check to see if Reggie tried to reach me. I needed to keep myself from saying something that would cause another physical altercation between me and her. She had scratched the side of my face with one of her rings when sheslapped me, and I was starting to get a bruise on my arm. It set my soul on fire that my mom thought it was cool to put hands on me like I was a kid. As bad as I wanted to tag and drag her ass for all the slick stuff she was saying, I bit my lip and started to hum to keep from talking.
Going to my text thread, Reggie hadn’t reached out, but I saw that Jamal had sent me a text. Rolling my eyes, I opened his message as I exited her SUV then headed toward the emergency room entrance. I didn’t want to confront him about his actions over the phone or through text. I wanted to look him eye to eye, ‘cause I had a few choice words for him about telling my business to my mom with his snitching ass. Yet, I was curious to see what he said.
Jamal: You foul as fuck for leaving with that nigga. I looked you in your eyes and asked you, you fucking slut if you knew the nigga and your lying, nasty pussy ass looked me in the eyes and straight fuckin’ lied to me!!! You bitch! That’s why I told your mom about how your ass been acting. How dare you try to play me silly ass trick! Get ya shit together! You just played yo self clown ass girl! Oh, and your pussy stank! You need to douche that nasty shit
I was so taken aback I had to read his message again. The nerve and audacity! Scorned niggas always came with a female’s pussy stink bullshit whenever they got dumped. He was lucky that I was now headed inside the emergency room otherwise I would have lit his ass up on a reply, instead of damn waiting until I saw him. I’m sure he had to know my mom was going to address all the stuff he told her about me. I get him being upset about seeing me leave with Reggie, but he truly tried it by snitching me out to my mom. And yes, it sounds crazy as hell for me to even be concerned about what my parents think about the decisions I chose to make in my life.
Being twenty, that’s definitely adult enough to not have to get approval from the parentals, but my parents still supplemented my entire life financially. They literally had me by the balls, and I didn’t even have balls for real! Jamal stooped to a new level of grimy by running to my parents because he knew, especially my mom, was extra about all things that had to do with me. Any parent would be concerned to hear that their kid was selling sex online, but to my mom it was magnified. Don’t get me wrong, I understood why she was angry I just didn’t understand why she was coming at me as hard as she was. I wasn’t perfect and neither was she. She claimed I always did the most, yet she wondered where I got it from.
Once we entered the ER, my mom went straight to the front desk to ask about my dad while I stood to the side and waited. Feeling my phone vibrate, I checked to see if it was Reggie, but instead it was Trista. Rolling my eyes then feeling a wave of emotion hit me, I quickly wiped tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand. Too much was going on at one time, and it would have really meant a lot to hear from Reggie. I knew he got my text about my dad, at the same time I had to understand that he was dealing with his baby momma being in labor. It didn’t matter that I needed him, he had to be there for his kid. That was a reality that I was going to have to accept if I continued to see him.
Before responding to Trista’s message, I decided to send Reggie another message letting him know that I had made it to the hospital along with the name of it. Once done, I went to Trista’s message to see what excuse she had come up with regarding her and Jamal’s little disappearing act they pulled last night. She was another one that I had a bone to pick with, I just didn’t want to do it over the phone or through texting. I was disappointed in the both of them, but more in Trista than Jamal. She was supposed to be my best friend. We confided in oneanother about everything, and I truly thought for the first time that I had found a true one in her, but from what I saw last night, she might have proved me wrong.
Trista: Hey bestie! Gurl your birthday party was lit! You left kinda early. Can’t wait to hear the deets. Oh, is everything okay with you and your dad? I just saw a post on your Facebook for prayers
Wow! I believe she just tried me. She just tried to pick bones with me to feel me out. Taking a deep breath before I responded because I was about to lay into her ass, she got lucky because I was interrupted by mom rushing past me.
She took a seat in a chair in the corner of the waiting room as I quickly walked to where she was then sat next to her. I get that she was upset with me, but damn, she could at least communicate with me regarding my dad. My dad’s well-being wasn’t just about her, it was about me also. Before I could open my mouth to ask her for an update, she said without looking up from her phone, “Someone will be out shortly to talk with us and to take us into another area to wait.”
Not responding, I went back to my cell phone so that I could respond to Trista. Not knowing how to deal with the emotions I had swirling through my head, I figured I’d give Trista a piece of my mind and not sugar coat anything. She needed to know that she looked foul for how she was acting with Jamal last night. I didn’t have time to play around with anyone, so if they wanted to be with the shits then I could be too. I preferred to have a face-to-face conversation or at least talk on the phone, but I didn’t want my mom to be all up in my business. I didn’t want to walk off in case they came out to get us for my dad.
Me: You sure asking a bunch of questions but I need to be the one asking you a question. You calling me bestie and shit why were you grinding all up on Jamallike that was your nigga AND where the fuck did y’all dip off to at MY birthday party… bestie??
Trista: Wait whet?! Gurl you is trippin! It wasn’t even like that
Me: Then where did you go when you and Jamal left my party together
Trista: We met up with JoJo to get more carts and some more weed. We both went to look for you to see what flavor carts you wanted but we couldn’t find you. I thought we were better than that, sis. Did you really think something was up with me and your dude Tati, like seriously that’s foul as hell
Me: I saw how you were grinding all on his dick and to me that’s foul as hell, sis! Then as I’m heading y’alls way to address the shit the next thing I know y’all both gone. That was fucked up. I don’t like shit like that Trista frfr! You crossed a line. That’s the type of shit that would make me go in your mouth! Straight facts
I had gone from being terrified about losing my dad to being pissed off to the max and ready to go in her mouth and whip her ass! I was legit on a thousand, annoyed as hell with my mom on top of everything and now this mess. Trista and Jamal both had me fucked up.
Trista: Wow Tati! Now you’re threatening physical violence toward me of all people! I didn’t even do anything! I’m disappointed in you! Honestly you trippin ‘cause you not even checking for Jamal like that anyway and you and I both know it. Sorry about whatever’s going on with your dad. I pray he good. Other than that, I’ma fall back from you. Apparently we not as cool as I thought we were for you to accuse me of some foul shit like that. I hope you have a good rest of your day
Reading Trista’s text, another wave of emotion hit me and the thought of losing my dad and best friend on the same day was almost too much to bear. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, plus the fact that it sounded like she was highly offended and hurt by me accusing her of messing with Jamal, I took her word for it that nothing went on between them and accepted her apology. Truth of the matter was, I needed someone to be there with me. I preferred for that someone to be Reggie, but since that was out of the question, Trista was the next best option.
Me: I accept your apology and I’m sorry for accusing you of something like that. We are better than that. I’m not gon’ lie though. I was ready to beat yo ass on sight about dippin’ off with my dude frfr
Trista and I continued to text, and I told her about me spending the night with Reggie and how Jamal snitched me out causing what happened between me and my mom. When I told her that we were at the hospital waiting to find out what was going on with my dad she texted and told me that she was on her way so that I wouldn’t have to be there alone. I appreciated that because I felt like I was about to have a nervous breakdown at any second.
CHAPTER 9
@Mrs. Tanya Nelson
