I was frustrated with my own feelings more than anything. I knew everything that shined wasn’t gold, but this man hadn’t hidden who he was since he intruded on my life. He took care of me without question, stood by me during a time where I was vulnerable as fuck making sure me and my child was unharmed, then he brought me to his home where his family welcomed us with open arms all because that nigga said I was his. He moved how he wanted and everyone followed suit. I found myself falling in line while I was in the hospital.
The protectiveness, being a provider, showing stubborn support, and catering to me and the kids needs wasn’t a task too big for him. He made everything look so fuckin’ easy. He made it seem like life was easy, and I truly envied that. Serinity and her parents were the only ones that ever did for me and mine, now this man swooped in and took charge. I was confused on whether to continue to keep a distance or say fuck it and let this nigga have his way… which meant I would have mine.
What’s his was mine were his words, not mine. My kids could live a life where struggling would be nonexistent. Royce was paid, and me, well, I barely had anything to my name. What I experienced growing up wasn’t a life I wanted them to touch or see. I’d put their happiness over mine any day. Royce was offering stability in so many areas that only a fool would refuse him.
“Too fast, huh? How long it take you to give that lame ass nigga a chance? How long you stay with him knowing he wasn’t doing shit but the bare fuckin’ minimum? Better yet why is it taking you so long to love a nigga? I bet he got that shit in two-point-five when he ain’t even deserve it. I, on the other hand, get a rebuttal every time we speak. I’m giving you everything that nigga never could. We ain’t moving fast enough in my book,” he argued.
The only thing I heard out of all that bullshit was him asking why I didn’t love him yet?This nigga is psychotic.Three days. Three fuckin’ days and he was already talking about love. I was irritated by that L word altogether. Loving anyone other than my kids right now wasn’t good for my health. I was physically, emotionally, and mentally drained from that shit. I didn’t want or need it from him or anyone else.
“Okay, this is over,” I said stepping around him.
I grabbed the towel and wrapped my small frame in it. Even with me being in excruciating pain, I moved as if I wasn’t. I dried myself off and began to get dressed. I never looked back at Royce or acknowledge the sounds of his drenched clothing hitting the shower floor. He wanted me to cave in and I wasn’t.
Cojak was narcissistic as fuck and Royce was starting to mirror that. They were nothing alike but so damn similar when it came to having control. As far as I was concerned, I didn’t belong to anyone, and my kids weremine. That went for both of them niggas.
Once I was completely dressed, I made my way back to the bedroom. It felt damned good to be laying down and relaxing. Not a muscle was moved as I lay there on my back with my eyes closed. The pain was too much and all I could do was cry silent tears. I wouldn’t put this kind of pain on my worst enemy. Bluffing like everything was cool knowing I wasn’t. I was paying for it.
Knock! Knock!
A series of knocks rang out on the door, and I quickly dried my face. Now wasn’t the time to show my weakness. That wasn’t an impression I wanted to leave.
“Come in,” I shouted.
Ms. Iris waltzed in with Essence in her arms. I was glad it was her and not anyone else. I didn’t have much conversation to give. She wore a smile as she brought baby girl over to me. I reached for her immediately. I removed my left breast and let her latch on. She reacted to me the way she did her bottle causing my cheeks to hike. She was nothing less than adorable.
When it came to Ms. Iris, I welcomed her. She gave off such a caring motherly vibe that it was hard to refuse. From the moment she checked on me in the hospital until now, her warmth hadn’t changed.
“She was a little fussy out there. I think she’s hungry now,” she said taking a seat on the side of the bed.
“I knew she would be. Thank you, Ms. Iris. You’re help is really?—”
“Appreciated? You’ve been telling me that since I met you. Stop thanking me, especially now that we’re family.”
“Family is a strong word, Ms. Iris. I don’t think we’re there yet. Your son is delusional, and I don’t know if I can be around that.”You know that already, Ms. Iris, so let’s not put on a clueless act.
“He’s… avaricious. You’re his cake and he intends to eat it, too. I’m not saying how he thinks or even moves is right, but I do think he’s serious about you. Royce has had flings. Too many of them if you ask me but nothing serious since high school. He guards his heart so much that him acting like this over you is very believable. His possessiveness is only him trying to protect his heart,” she replied trying to defend her son. She was a mother. I expected her to do that.
“And I’m not supposed to protect mine all because he wants me? Ms. Iris, I literally just ended a relationship with my kids’ father a few weeks ago. I’m fresh on the heartbreak train and he’s not giving me any time to sort through my emotions. It doesn’t help that my hormones are all over the place either. Royce is conflicting for me.”
Royce was too much for me right now and it seemed as if I was the only person that thought so. With my back against the wall, he looks very much like a saving grace but that’s the problem. He was another man I would be depending on. I just wanted to do something for me and my kids for myself. I was still looking for personal validation.
“That’s not what I’m saying at all. I completely understand how you feel. Trust me when I say I’ve dealt with some things in my life I was unsure of accepting. Not everyone you meet is meant to stay in your life. Believe that lessons are being taught along the way to happiness. Royce isn’t the easiest to accept from how strong he comes off, but he is the easiest to love once accepted. He only wants the best for you and these kids.”
“Does he? I’ve been thinking ever since we left the hospital if giving my daughter his name was the right choice. I just feel like I’m on a rollercoaster right now.”
“What do you mean you gave her his name? She’s an Atkins?” Ms. Iris questioned with confusion. Much like Seri, she gave me that look like I fucked up.
“Yes. Royce said in order for the insurance to cover all the bills, Essence needed to have his last name. I don’t have the money for that right now or any insurance for that matter.”
She laughed as she shook her head. Clearly, she knew something I didn’t. I remained quiet but was impatient as ever. I wanted to hear what she had to say and if I was the fool Seri said I’d end up being.
“What insurance? We donate so much money to that hospital that we have our own wing… specifically the maternity ward. It’s called Atkins Maternity Ward for a reason. The deal made with the board is anyone of the Atkins family receives free treatment. Sweet girl, I hate to say it, but Junior has conned you, and unfortunately, you fell for it. He could’ve easily paid that bill if this angel had any other name,” she explained continuing her hearty laugh.
My blood was boiling, and I knew for a fact steam was radiating off my body. Royce told a half ass lie to get what he wanted. I called him crazy before, but something was seriously wrong with him. It all made sense how he was able to get a private room at the drop of a dime, call on the chief without question, and do whatever he damn well pleased. He really played me, and I indeed fell for it.
I really disliked people who lied to me. My daughter was supposed to have her brother’s name. Yes, it was Cojak’s still, but her and her brother were bonded for life. Their father wasn’t going to be around and that was something I knew deep down in my heart. I wanted her to share that with her brother and he took that away from her.
Tears just fell as I sat there feeling undefeated. Royce was taking what he wanted, and he had no problem lying to get us. I was furious but when it came to that nigga, what the fuck could I do. He was going to win every time. The ball had been in his court since he stepped through my front door.
