He blamed himself. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help it.
“Here you go.” Foster set a vodka tonic in front of Doug Tanner and sat on the sundeck in the Adirondack chair that overlooked Warner Bay. He bought this property six months after Lisa had passed. He had no desire to rebuild the family home he’d shared with Victoria, so he sold it to Doug and his partner, who turned it into an amazing home and flipped it for a pretty penny.
That had surprised Foster, considering the stigma of the fire that had burned the original home to the ground, killing his daughter.
“Cheers.” Doug tapped the plastic glass. “So, am I here because you’re finally going to let me and my father-in-law have at this place and totally renovate it for you?”
Foster laughed. “I like tinkering with it, and I know you and Jim. You’ll want to come in like a wrecking ball.”
“What is your reluctance in doing the work within a six-month timeframe? This property is amazing. The location is perfection. You’ve got a killer view. I know you don’t want some massive, overstated home. But you could do something spectacular with a rustic feel. And that cabin could be updated and rented more often.”
If nothing else, Foster could be honest with himself. He’d been doing that soul-searching for years. He continued with therapy, seeing a counselor twice a month to deal with his grief.
And his guilt.
Along with all the reasons he didn’t want to move forward with his life.
That included making a real home for himself and what that might mean if he did.
However, he never voiced any of those reasons to anyone other than his therapist. That would make it real. That would mean he had to take both feet out of the past and move them into the present. It was hard enough dealing with his emotions when it came to Tonya.
Everything changed when he decided to take Tonya on a date. It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about it. He had. Day and night. For weeks. Months.
Hell, for the last couple of years, she’d haunted his dreams. She filled his daily thoughts. No matter what he did, he couldn’t shake how she’d gotten under his skin, but as long as she didn’t pursue him, he could pretend she didn’t care.
That he had no feelings at all. It was easy for him to bury them. Like he did with his past. Only, Tonya had touched his soul and opened his heart.
“Truth?” Foster asked.
“Only if you want to give it to me.” Doug was easy to hang out with because he didn’t pressure Foster into opening up and sharing.
Foster took a long, slow sip of his drink. “My ex-wife has been on a downward spiral for a long time. When I saw her last, she didn’t look good. The whites of her eyes were yellow. If she weighed a hundred pounds, I’d be shocked. I tried to get her to go to the hospital, but she told me she’d leave. Refuse treatment. Or tell them I kidnapped her. It’s like she’s slowly killing herself.”
“I know how hard living on the streets can be. I can’t imagine doing it while battling addiction. I know my biological parents suffered, but I don’t remember it,” Doug said softly. He had shared his life story with Foster when they first met and while his teenage years were heartbreaking, he had been given a chance at life when Jim Sutten welcomed him into his home and taught him a trade.
Doug took the opportunity he’d been given. He did everything Jim asked him to do. He’d been a scared fifteen-year-old boy with nowhere to go and the smarts to understand if he didn’t grab ahold of the lifeline he’d been given, he’d probably be dead by now.
“Victoria has totally given up at this point,” Foster admitted. “Her parents would rather I stop looking for her and giving her food. They believe I’m enabling her. They think that I’m exacerbating the problem. To them, she died the same day Lisa did.”
“It’s a fine line that you’re walking with Victoria. Believe me, I know. There is only so much you can do.”
Foster had no idea if what he did for Victoria was for her own good or to appease some of his own guilt for the years of anger and resentment.
Which he still harbored because at the end of the day, it was due to Victoria’s drug abuse that their home burned down and their daughter had died.
“If I finish this house, I’m officially starting over. I’m not sure I’m ready,” Foster said. “Or that I can. My existence seems lonely and sad, but I’m not unhappy.”
“That’s a pretty telling statement.” Doug shifted in his chair. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “When Jim first took me in, I didn’t believe I deserved his kindness. I was always waiting for it to end. Waiting for him to tell me to leave. He had a young daughter to think about and I could have been a bad decision. For the first year or two, I would wake up every morning and think this was going to be the day that Jim changed his mind. But he never did.”
“Did you ever ask him why he took the risk of bringing a homeless kid into his house as a single father?”
Doug nodded. “It’s odd to be nine years older than your wife and nine years younger than your father-in-law. But when I came into their lives, Jim was focused on getting his business off the ground and being the best father to Stacey. She was quite the precarious little girl. Outgoing and outspoken even at six. Jim barely dated. He didn’t socialize. He brought me in, taught me his trade, put me through school, and we became best friends and eventually partners. When my first wife was murdered about the time my feelings for Stacey shifted from friends to something more, Jim and I sat down and talked about why he took me in. He didn’t understand it at the time, but if you believe in fate, as he does these days, it was as if I was sent there to be first his friend and then Stacey’s husband. All the while, giving me a chance at life.”
“That’s quite the profound statement.”
“It is. And I believe, after everything Stacey and I went through, that while life since then has been calm, we have no idea what it could throw at us. Now that I have kids of my own, a wife who keeps saying she’s going to retire her badge, but never does, and a father-in-law as a business partner and a best friend, taking all those risks was worth it because if we hadn’t, we’d all probably live a life full of regrets.”
“Part of my problem is I took that risk the day I married Victoria.”
