“How was your sixteen-week appointment?”
“We had to push it back a week because of the holiday.
“Did you have a scan at twelve weeks?”
“No. My doctor picked up the heartbeat through the Doppler and said we didn’t need an ultrasound.”
Maya smiles and shrugs. “Different strokes. That’s perfectly normal, by the way. Some refuse to do anything more than the anatomy scan at twenty weeks.” She points at the screen, and I hear a couple of steps shuffle behind me. When I look, Trevor’s close enough I can see the worry in his eyes, but too far to give me the reassuring touches I’m used to. “The heartbeat looks nice and strong.” Pointing again, she circles around a dark area on the screen. “This is likely what the problem is.” She clicks some measurements with the mouse and slides her chair back to grab a flip chart from the desk behind her, turning pages as she scoots back. “So the chorionic membrane is the outermost part of the amniotic sac. It lines the uterus.” Holding up an illustration of a fetus in utero, her finger traces over the parts she labels. She points back to the screen, connecting the illustration to what’s going on inside me. “We’re not really sure why it happens, but sometimes, blood forms between the chorion and the uterine wall, creating a blood clot. It’s called a subchorionic hematoma, and this one is in the midrange of what I’ve seen. Your doctor would have likely seen it if you’d had a twelve-week scan, but it’s just something that can happen during pregnancy.” Her eyes shift behind me, and she exchanges a look with her brother. “No one’s fault.”
“So what do we do?” I jump at Trevor’s voice. He’s barely said two words since throwing me in the shower, and despite my worry, I can’t even begin to imagine how he’s handling any of this.
“Well, nothing. The fact that the bleeding has slowed is good. Get in to your OBGYN as soon as you get back for her guidance of care. But generally, we suggest at least a partial bedrest and complete pelvic rest. I’m okay with you flying back home today, but minimize walking. Don’t insert anything: pads only. Andbreathe.” She smiles and winks at me. “Breathing is good for the baby.”
“Bed rest? I can’t go on bed rest. I run a business. I have to be able to work.”
“Again, check with your doctor. But I imagine that’s what she’ll recommend with one this size, at least until the bleeding stops completely.”
“And how long couldthattake?” My voice rises as it slips through the tightening of my throat. I’ve had my independence stripped from me before, and it was hell making my way back from it.I can’t go through that again.
“Willa…” Trevor says, but I don’t look at him. Screw him and his disapproval right now. He’s not the one who has to stop working.
“It could be a couple days or a few weeks. Each one I’ve seen acts differently. I know the thought of bed rest isn’t an easy one, but it may be the best thing for you and baby.” Maya turns to Trevor. “What time do you leave for your flight?”
He clears his throat. “We need to leave by five.”
Maya glances at the clock on the wall. “Six hours. Let’s get you two home so you can get a little sleep before then, yeah?” She clicks a few more things into her computer, and the ultrasound machine spits out some black-and-white photos, which she hands to me. “I know you’ll have a scan in a few days, but I always loved getting pictures.”
I take them, unable to return her smile, and she wipes the gel from my stomach. Trevor offers his hand as I swing my legs off the table. But as soon as my feet hit the floor, he drops it. Sure, he reaches for my coat instead, but the standoffish energy radiating from him puts a cold spin on the gesture.
As we drive back to the ranch, the same playlist I cued up before plays through the speakers. I shift worried glances at Trevor every few minutes as I slide my camera charm back and forth across the chain. His eyes never leave the road. Streaks of light filter in and out of the car from streetlamps, giving just enoughvisibility for me to see his grip tighten on the steering wheel. The sepia skin on his knuckles is pulled taught, spine ramrod straight. I place a hand on his forearm, and he goes rigid, making all the newfound hopes I let myself imagine hours ago turn to stone and crumble.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
TREVOR
“Absolutely not,” Willa huffs. I’m having a hard time meeting her stare, making it as far as the crossed arms she slams into place. I’m beating myself up enough for putting her through this. If I look in her eyes and see resentment, it will absolutely break me.
I sigh and drag a hand down my face. “Just get in the wheelchair, Willa.”
“Maya said minimal walking is fine. I can walk.”
Hitching her purple backpack up on my shoulders, I release another sigh. I’m fucking tired as hell, and really don’t have the energy to argue this out in the middle of the airport. “Sit down, or I’ll carry you through the terminal. Your choice.” I look at her then, and the hardness in her eyes turns to surprise before she blinks it away and plops into the wheelchair.
“You’re ridiculous, Trevor.”
“Back atcha, Willa,” I grumble, taking the handles and wheeling her down the corridor. I check my watch as we join the throng of travelers, everyone in a frenzy to reach their destinations before the workweek starts tomorrow. “Are you hungry?”
“No,” she snaps.
She’s been in the sourest mood since we left the ranch. Afterall I’ve put her through, I don’t blame her. What could I even say? Everything was perfect before I suggested one last tryst. If I could take back the last twenty-four hours just to avoid hurting her and the baby, I’d do it in a heartbeat.You fucked everything up.Blinking against the images in my head, I bite the retort on my tongue, despite knowing it’ll only make whatever is happening right now worse.
“What about when I have to pee? You gonna wheel me in the bathroom and post up outside the stall?” Willa’s independent streak is back with a vengeance, as if she didn’t just see the blood clot threatening our child’s life. Everything out of her mouth has been a direct challenge to my trying to help her.
“If I have to.” I stop at the small food court and glance ahead to see how far away our gate is. We still have time before boarding, so I’ll grab her some food and she can decide whether she wants to eat while we wait.
“I said I’m not hungry…” Willa looks over her shoulder and tracks me as I walk around to face her. She’s been trying to bait me into arguments all morning, and when I don’t respond, she rolls her eyes and mumbles obscenities under her breath. Arguing with her is the last thing I want. I hate seeing her upset, and fighting with her will give her even more cause to hate me.You’re the reason…
Leaving her and her attitude at a table, my frustration puffs from my lips as I walk to the register. We haven’t eaten since leaving the ranch a few hours ago. Despite her denial, I know she’s hungry, and likely even more exhausted than I am. Her body’s the one going through all of this. I just want to pull her into a hug, but the hard set to her jaw as I hand her the foil-wrapped breakfast burrito is enough of a spiky warning to remind me this is all my fault. Her glare is as withering as it used to be, as if the past week meant nothing to her. She doesn’t want me to touch her.You never should have happened.We eat without a word, and even though the terminal is bustling with travelers, her silence echoes through me, amplifying the berating in my head.
