“Next lifetime?” I inquired with a half-shrug, trying to lighten the mood.
He bobbed his head once and only once as if trying to dislodge the words stuck in his throat. “I’ll see you there, shawty.”
“What about in this lifetime? You think we’ll see each other again?” I questioned before I could stop myself.
He stepped back before winking at me. “If it’s meant to be, I’ll know where to find you.”
I meant that shit.I did know where to find her. I’d committed Sawyer’s address to memory for one reason or another. Although I knew where shawty lived, I could never bring myself to go back there. It wasn’t safe for either of us.
It was clear every bone in my body was feeling Sawyer, but lust was as far as I would allow things to go between us. My life was too damn complicated, and she was already established, doing her own thing, trying to help for the greater good. The two of us together would be like oil and water—something that didn’t mix. Still, I’d be lying if I said she didn’t have a grip on a nigga’s heart.
“Listen, Sawyer,” I started, my voice dropping an octave. “I wanna thank you for letting me and my brother crash at your place. I know that shit wasn’t ideal.”
“Stop.” She interrupted before I could say anything that would make this more complicated than it already was. “It’s fine.”
But it wasn’t fine. That was the problem. In a short time, we’d become a tangled web of unexplainable feelings that I’d tried hard to leave in the back of my mind.
“Still, I appreciate it,” I insisted, my tone earnest.
“Enough, Kareem,” she said, opening the driver’s side door. We both knew we needed to end the conversation before it spiraled into territory neither of us were prepared to navigate.
“Okay,” I answered softly. “You betta get on that road now. And drive safe too.”
“I always do.”
My chest ached as I watched her slide into the seat and close the door. I should’ve felt relief, but instead, there was this hollow emptiness. I leaned against the hood, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I had to keep it together. To remember why things had to stay the way they were. To remember why I had to let her go.
Off-limits.Those two words had become a mantra against the tug-of-war between my head and my heart. I’d come too far to turn back. But with every shared glance, every accidental and purposeful touch, the lines blurred, and the effort it took to keep my guard up drained me more than I cared to admit.
“Be easy, shawty,” I said, tapping the hood of her car before stepping back.
She started the engine, waving quietly before she pulled off. There was a flame of discomfort in my chest as I turned around. I didn’t watch her drive away. I couldn’t. It didn’t matter what my heart felt like. My mind knew what was best for both of us.If the stars were to align, then our paths would cross again. The only thing I could focus on was getting the hell out of Florida and setting sail to Havana.By the time I got to my next destination, Sawyer would be out of sight, out of mind. But never out of my heart.
“You ready to go, nigga?” King asked, snapping me back to the present. “My baby mama just said they’re circulating y’all mugshots on the news again. We gotta go.”
I turned to face him and saluted him with a nod. “Let’s get it.”
After retrieving the rest of the money we’d stashed with King, Kadeem and I got to the dock. King had arranged transportation for us to Havana by boat, and we paid a captain a generous amount to risk his life, navigating us by water on the heels of a hurricane. I planned to never look back, except for when I thought of Sawyer. There would always be a soft spot in my heart for her.
“Wassup with you and shawty?” Kadeem probed as the boat skipped over the water.
My brows dipped low. “Whatchu mean?”
He smacked his lips. “Nigga, you know exactly what I mean. I ain’t never seen you like that with no female. She got you sprung worse than T-Pain. I can tell.”
I swung my head, knowing if the word no came out of my mouth, it’d be a lie. “It is what it is,” I replied instead. “It’s for the best.”
“You gon’ reach out to her when things settle down?” he probed.
My shoulders rose and fell with a lazy shrug. All I could do was let the winds of fate carry us, and if our paths were meant to cross again one day, I was sure they would.
Three months later.
I pushed the door open, and the smell of fresh linen air freshener reminded me that I was home. It was the only scent I’d been able to tolerate as of late. My bag hit the floor with a thud as I slumped against the frame for a second. Work had been a relentless tide of cases, and all I could think about was crashing on my couch and taking a much-needed nap.
Like clockwork, Kareem managed to nudge his way into my thoughts when I looked at it, uninvited as usual. It’d been three months since he’d taken refuge here, in my tiny sanctuary, away from the mess of his pending freedom. He was looking to start over, to cut ties with his old life and breathe again. The thoughttwisted something in me. I wondered if he’d made it or if he’d gotten caught up with his brother. I followed the news for a few weeks after we parted, hearing updates here and there of inmates being found, but never them.
I stepped into the living room, shuffled out of my shoes, and glanced around. The living room glowed softly. I paused, letting the stillness wrap around me like a blanket. It was quiet, too quiet, and I could almost feel the weight of my thoughts pressing against the air.
