“You really got life fucked up. You let that Terror shit go to your head! You think your money means something to me? It fucking doesn’t. I never asked you for anything. You begged to give me that shit. As a matter of fact, you are right, let’s go home. Once we get there, drop me and Trina back off at my house because you fucking crazy if you think you gone talk to me this way,” she stomped away from me and began putting her clothes on aggressively, looking stupid as hell. Have you ever seen somebody trying to stay mad while they were trying to put on a tight ass dress?
“This nigga fucking lost his mind,” she mumbled under her breath. She shimmied the dress up her body, and the back zipper hung open. She put on one heel that was beside the bed and walked forcefully, rising up and down to the balcony while she retrieved her other one. She headed to the door.
“Wait a minute, where the fuck are you going like that?” I said, catching pace with her and grabbing her back zipper to help her. She slipped from my grasp.
“Fuck you, Marcos!”
“It can be that for right now, but yo’ ass not going out this door like that!” Wasn’t no way in hell I was letting her out of this room with her whole ass hanging out like that. Shit, I was pissed, but I was conscious enough to know that.
“For now?” She spun toward me and hiked her arched brow. “No nigga it's forever. I promise I’m not wasting years with a man who doesn’t have his shit together again. No matter how long I've known you before this shit ain’t it! You won’t treat me like a dog, like I have to answer to your beck and call. If you want us to work, then I need to know exactly what the fuckis going on. A relationship works two ways. But you're a grown man, and if you don’t get that shit, I ain’t got time to teach you! So have it your way. Zip this dress up and take a good look because once I walk out of this door, this will be the last time you ever see this ass!”
Her words made my chest tighten. She turned her back to me and threw her hands on the door to allow me to zip her dress. I didn’t move. Never had I given a fuck about losing a woman in my life. But her? This was my one. I knew the money shit I brought up was too far. She was right, she never asked me for shit. I was man enough to admit when I was wrong.
“Look, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. It’s just a lot of shit—” She turned around quickly and cut me off.
“It’s always a lot of shit! Either we're going to get through it together, or you're going to try to take it all on your own and push me away because that is exactly what you are doing. Being with someone is not taking on everything for them. It’s about us making things easier on each other. I’m committed to doing that. It’s nothing that you will say that will make me run from you, so just let me know what is going on.”
What she said made perfect sense. I just never trusted in this way before. I handled things for myself and my family. All I needed them to do was trust me to handle it. I just never stopped to think about what she needed from me. Yes, I had covered all her financial and physical needs, but I fell short in other aspects. I had to stop making excuses for the shit I didn’t know how to do and start learning before I lost the best woman I ever had.
“Let’s talk,” I conceded and led her by hand to the bed. I told her everything about the call that I had just received. I let her in on the night everything went down with Kole. I knew I had given her the skim details before, but this time I made sureto leave nothing out. Honestly, that shit felt good as hell. I felt…lighter.
“Shit! That is a lot, but what about your father? I mean, Slash is your uncle, and Kole is your cousin.”
“Them niggas ain’t family to me. I don’t know them. Just because some paperwork says one thing that don’t mean shit to me,” I said honestly. My feelings weren’t exactly clear about how I felt about all these connections, but one thing I knew for sure. Kole and Slash were dead. Thinking on what Slash told me to do made someone else pop into my mind, someone else who deserved vengeance as well.
“I get it. However, I think you should at least speak with your father. You never know what type of clarity that can bring to your life. I have a messed-up mom, and I didn’t know my dad at all. Even with that being said, a child will always long for their parents, no matter how old they are. That goes for MJ too.” I heard her sneak MJ in. She hadn’t commented on him much, but she had a way of letting me know that she understood his longing for his mother. I just couldn’t trust that bitch at all, especially with this new info coming out. Kole had to be out of here before she even thought she would get MJ. For all I know, she could’ve known all this from the beginning.
“I hear you,” was all I could muster.
“Well, we have a few hours before we can leave. Why don’t we just get some rest? I can wake everybody up and make sure they are ready in a few hours.” She sat on the edge of the bed, and I came to her.
“I apologize for the way I spoke to you,” I said, and she rolled her eyes. Damn, I loved her mean ass. “I’m being serious. I never learned.” I stopped myself and took a deep breath. “I’m going to take the steps to learn how to deal with my emotions ina better way. There is no excuse for that shit. What I said to you was way out of bounds, and it will never happen again. I won’t lose you, Dyami.”
“I hear you. What we both have gone through is hard. Honestly, we can both go to therapy and work through all this trauma we experienced when we were kids.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes,” I said honestly.
I crawled into bed, wrapped her up in my arms, and I felt a calm passing through me. I would never have let her walk out that door on me. Many aspects of my life were better just because she was a part of it. “You know why I like to watch you?” I asked, not even knowing why it just popped into my mind.
“Why?” she asked bashfully.
“Because I love to see you clear your mind. You are always thinking. Your mind is always turning, but I love it when you let go. I love when I’m just looking at you bare in front of me. It’s sexy as hell.”
“Umm hmm. How many females did you tell that to?” she joked. I laughed too. She just didn’t know.
“I can’t say I never tried it with another female, but I never enjoyed it with them. See, ever since I was a little nigga it’s always been about you. I knew what you were going through, so even then, I used to think about you doing that for me. I wanted to know how to please you, and I wanted you to show me. I never asked then because you used to flag on me. So yeah, I asked one other female, but that was where I was fucking up. My fantasy isn’t just watching any woman. My fantasy is watching you, Dyami.”
I saw her cheeks blush red at my words, and she didn’t respond. “I have always been in love with you. You ain’t walking out of no doors on me,” I spoke firmly.
“I love you too,” she whispered.
While we were lying there, there was one last thing I felt the need to get off my chest. “I killed Jay.” Her heart rate picked up quickly, and I felt her breath get a little ragged. She took a few deep breaths, and within seconds, her pulse slowed down.
“Okay,” she responded before we both fell asleep.
***
I was in the new restaurant location, knocking back a few shots of henny while I sat at the bar. The new place came together easily. We got the insurance payout and put that money down to pay for this outright. I was finalizing the transfer of everything to Chubby and ensuring he was set for shipments. As soon as I touched back home, I knew I had to get moving. A lot of shit happened that made me realize that this was a lot deeper than I first imagined. This made this little link-up not only appropriate but necessary. I wasn’t scared or nervous, but I was aware that something like this could go either way, and I wasn’t crazy enough not to be prepared for whatever was to come.
