“You ready, little man?”I ask Jackson as I wait for him to unbuckle himself from his car seat. He nods, hopping out of the truck.
I grab his backpack, sliding it over his small shoulders. Seeing him wear this too-big backpack on his first day of preschool brought tears to my eyes last month.
I can’t believe he’s growing up so fast. My marriage with his mom might not have worked out, but Jacks is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Holding him in my arms for the first time, I felt like I finally knew what my purpose on earth was—to be his dad.
He slides his hand into mine as we walk across the street toward the school. There is an eagerness in his steps as we move closer to his teacher, who is waiting outside their classroom.
I was worried about how he would transition into starting school because he is so shy, but he’s handled it like a champ. His teacher is a gem of a woman, which makes it so much easier.
“Good morning, Jackson,” she says as I sign him in for the day.
He gives her a small, shy smile with his head resting against my leg.
I crouch down in front of him, my hands resting on his shoulders. “Ellie will pick you up after school,” I tell him.
Having a nanny isn’t something I would ideally want, but with the twenty-four-hour shifts I usually work, it’s necessary.
Ellie is working on getting her degree online, so she can easily work around my schedule. Phoebe, the teenager who lives down the street from us, watches him in the evenings sometimes when Ellie is busy or just needs a break.
I can see the sadness in his eyes that reflects the way I feel. “I know, bud,” I say, pulling him in for a hug. “I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”
I kiss the top of his head as I stand. I ruffle his dark hair, and he spots one of his friends inside the room. He darts off but pauses in the doorway, looking at me over his shoulder. “Bye, Dad.”
“Bye, bud. Love you.”
His cheeks bunch up with his smile. “Love you, too.”
As hard as I try, I can’t seem to keep thoughts of Sienna out of my head. She’s all I can think about, ever since Tucker told us about his insane idea—because itisinsane. Right?
I groan, taking all my frustration out on my poor steering wheel. When my knuckles start to ache, I ease my grip.
Seeing Sienna look so broken after what she admitted to her mom over the phone broke something inside of me.
No one should ever feel that way, and definitely not about sex. Sex should be a way for two people to connect, not something you do to check off a box.
Not that I’m the best judge anymore. It has been way too long since I had any sort of experience in that department. I don’t even remember how long.
Around a year… maybe?
Jackson is the light of my life, but to be honest, I’m lonely a lot of the time. I don’t miss everything about my marriage, as short-lived as it was. I don’t miss how much we argued and the parts of each of us that just didn’t quite fit.
I do, however, miss having someone at my side through the good times and the bad. I miss having someone to lose myself in at the end of a seemingly impossible day.
How am I actually considering this right now? There’s no way this would work. But could it?
I pull into my normal spot behind the firehouse, letting my head fall back against the seat.
How is this even my life right now?
On autopilot, I grab my bag from the passenger seat and make my way to the back door.
Who knows if this is something she would even want? Dammit to hell.
Luckily, we’ve been busy so far this shift, so I’ve had very little time to contemplate things that I really should be forgetting about at this point.
There was a bad car accident just outside of town that led to a fire in one of the vehicles. Thankfully, everyone involved made it out okay, but we were out there working on it for hours.
“Fuck, I’m exhausted,” Tucker says, plopping down on one of the benches in front of where he’s hung his gear up.
