Which makes me remember that I’m supposed to be reuniting with Bryn today.
Bryn doesn’t deserve to be an afterthought. She deserves to be happy. I know what I need to do.
Not long after the tracks are cleared and the train has resumed its journey, Cali comes thumping back into her room. Her hair is a mess and her cheeks are pink and her sweatshirt is on backwards.
‘Good morning, sunshine,’ I say.
‘Why did we drink vodka? We were on our way to bed.’
‘And did you sleep well?’
She closes the door behind her and sits down on the bottom bunk, holding her forehead with one hand and picking at a spot on her chin with the other. ‘I don’t know if I did something really stupid last night.’
‘I wouldn’t call Luke really stupid,’ I quip, which makes her laugh and then wince, rubbing her forehead.
‘I don’t know if it was a good idea. I mean it was definitely good. But what if I should have just left it as friendship this time? What if I’ve messed it up again? What if everyone’s mad at me, and then Bryn accuses me of sabotaging her wedding, and then they call the whole thing off? I mean, sorry, I know that wouldn’t be the worst thing for you.’
‘Actually . . .’ I gesture to my bag, which I’ve just finished packing.
Cali looks at it. ‘You can hang out in here today. I don’t think we’ll get to Vancouver until tonight.’
‘I’ve decided not to go to Vancouver.’
She drops both her hands to her lap and looks at me, wide-eyed. ‘You have?’
‘I have. I’m going to get off when the train reaches Whistler.’
‘Is there an airport there?’
‘No, I’m going to catch another train, back to Jasper, spend a little time in the National Park before I head home.’
‘Won’t you be lonely?’
‘No, I think I’m going to be just fine.’
Cali is quiet for a minute, nodding. ‘Okay, so when do we get to Whistler?’
I look at my phone. ‘In about fifteen minutes.’
‘Fifteen minutes!’ Cali cries. ‘Have you told the others? I need to get dressed. Am I going to be sick . . . ? No, I’m fine. What do you want me to tell Bryn?’
I sit beside her and put my arm around her shoulders. ‘I don’t need you to tell Bryn anything, but if you want to, or feel you should, just go ahead, it’s fine. You don’t need to get dressed. You need to take a lovely shower, stop picking at that spot, drink some tea, and then spend the day looking at this amazing scenery happening right outside our window.’ I gesture to where the Rocky Mountains, shining in the morning sun, are silently drifting by beyond the frost-speckled glass. ‘And I’m not going to tell the others, I’m just going to slip away.’
‘You don’t want to say goodbye?’
I shake my head. ‘Not this time. I feel like we’ve made our peace, now it’s time for me to step away, go back to my real life, which is actually pretty wonderful.’
‘It is? You’re okay without Bryn? Your beach friends treat you well?’
‘I’m more than okay. I’ve moved on, and now the best thing for me, I think, is to let the past go.’ Her face crumples back to worry and I laugh, in a way I hope is gentle both to her soul and her poor head. ‘But that’s what’s right for me. My version of moving forward has to be to forget. I think you can only move forward if you forgive, and get your friends back.’
‘What if they don’t want me back?’
‘They want you back. You just have hangxiety.’
‘Oh.’
I stand up and pick up my bag, then hold my arms out, inviting her for a hug, if she wants one.
