‘Hi.’
‘Just wanted to check in on you?’
That’s so Luke. Always checking in. Quietly observant. Kind and thoughtful. I used to fool myself into thinking it was reciprocated romantic feelings, but when he and Cali arrived for our holiday in Spain, I realised I’d had it all wrong. Like an absolute tool. I’m pretty sure I then acted like exactly that.
‘I’m fine,’ I say now.
‘You sure?’
I study him for a moment. I’ve always wondered if he knew how I felt about him. Then I’ve let myself get mad about what the hell he thought was so special about him that he could play with two of his friends’ hearts. Then I’ve felt bad because he did nothing wrong, really. She did though, because Cali knew how I felt before she took the plunge and hooked up with him. And was it worth it? They didn’t even last a fortnight. ‘I’m fine, just a little . . . it’s weird being away from home for Christmas, isn’t it?’
‘Everything’s weird,’ he says with a laugh, and it draws a smile from me, too. ‘It seems everyone’s going to have another crack at a cracking Christmas and throw some kind of snowed-in party up in the celestial carriage in a while. You going to come?’
I hesitate. ‘I guess so.’
‘Come on, it’s Christmas.’
Our conversation dries up a little, but he looks relaxed, normal, comfortable and my heart pulls in on itself because any tension I feel in the silence is one-sided, and it always has been.
‘How are you coping so well with all of this?’ I wave my hand in the general area of the entire train.
‘Alright. Kind of odd seeing Cali again. We were so close and now it’s completely different. But also a little bit not.’
‘Does your girlfriend know about her?’ It comes out of my mouth like grit on an icy road.
He stumbles on his words and stands up straighter. ‘Um, no, well, there’s nothing to know, really.’
I take a breath and retreat a little into my room. ‘I’ll see you at the party, okay?’
He pauses, looking at me, his brow furrowed, but after a minute he nods and heads off with a wave.
I slump back down in my seat. The snowstorm is getting worse. Am I, too?
Chapter 32
Cali
I’ve got to hand it to my ex-group of friends. When they’re called to service for a party, no matter what their mental state they’ve always been able to step it up. I can’t believe the train hasn’t started up again yet. I’d be a little nervous if I wasn’t distracting myself with all this booze and sequinage.
I emerge from my compartment dolled up in my favourite gold sequin miniskirt, paired with a black thermal long-sleeve top, just as Joss is coming out in a gloriously silver pleated dress, holding a bottle of Prosecco with no stopper in.
We stare at each other for a minute, assessing each other’s mood. But I can’t deny what I see, no matter what she said earlier. ‘You look amazing,’ I admire.
She takes a long inhale, holds it for a second, and breathes out, pasting on a smile. ‘So do you,’ Joss answers, and when she lets me take a swig from her bottle I know it’s her stubborn, prideful way of extending an alcohol-soaked olive branch. It almost feels like the friendliest she’s been to me in such a long, long time. For that reason, I link her arm and hold on to her a little tighter, a little closer, only letting go when we realise we can’t make it up the stairs to the celestial carriage locked together. ‘This is the dress I’m wearing to the wedding,’ Joss says halfway up the stairs. ‘I thought, fuck it. Especially if Ember’s going to run off with the bride anyway,’ she guffaws.
‘She won’t, well maybe,’ I say back, but my words are tucked in underneath the music filling the domed space of the celestial carriage. I gasp when I reach the top of the stairs. Alex is there, stringing some colourful flashing lights which reflect gem-toned blobs on the snow above us. She’s popped a portable speaker in the corner, and several bottles are lining one of the tables.
‘Alex, did you do all this?’ I ask. When she shrugs, bashful, I add with a smile, ‘Did you do this for Ember?’
‘I mean, I didn’t not do it with her in mind. But I do want all of us to have a good time too.’
‘That’s nice of you.’
Alex leans in. ‘I actually wanted to talk to you at some point, maybe this evening? Maybe tomorrow morning.’
‘You okay?’ I hope this isn’t about Ember. What if it turns out she’s already been in touch with Bryn? What if they’ve been talking all this time, plotting their runaway bride moment, and she’s confessed all to Alex who now feels I need to know, but only when it’s late enough I can’t stop her. I reach up to pick at a spot, but she pushes my hand down.
Alex studies my face. ‘You know what, it’s not a big thing, and it’s nothing to worry about. We’ll talk about it in the morning.’
