Tomorrow is Boxing Day, the twenty-sixth of December. Bryn’s getting married the day after, on the twenty-seventh. If I don’t arrive until the afternoon, right before her wedding, well, why would she ever thank me for that? Is it romantic to show up that close, or is it too late?
‘Did you hear that?’ Cali says, coming back up the stairs. She looks bluer than she did earlier. Joss is a piece of work, huh? ‘It sounds like we won’t even make it to Whistler this evening.’ She looks at us, tangled together. ‘Did I interrupt?’
I sit up straighter, but don’t answer her question directly. ‘How are you all doing?’ I deflect.
‘I don’t know about the others, but I’m alright. A little worried about how long we’ll be stuck here. I don’t want us to . . . you know . . .’
‘Miss the wedding?’ Alex chimes in. ‘I don’t think we will.’
‘No, you’re probably right.’ Cali presses her nose to the window, lost in thought.
Cali looks back at us, her back straighter, a determined look on her face, the tip of her nose pink from the chilled glass. ‘Nope.’
‘No?’ I ask.
‘No. I’m not letting this be the Christmas memory from this year. We need to make the most of the situation we’re in. Do something fun. Enjoy our Christmas.’
‘We could have a party?’ I suggest. Where did that come from? I’m not even a big fan of parties. But there’s that little free version of myself zipping around inside of me right now, the one that likes late nights on the beach and bonfires and catching waves and kissing in the starlight, and she seems to want to enjoy herself. She doesn’t want to say goodnight, or goodbye, anytime soon.
Cali is nodding, plotting. ‘A party would be perfect. Or a disaster. But hey, it’s worth a go. Could we, Alex?’
Alex laughs. ‘I don’t think it would ruffle any feathers to play some music and drink yet more liquor up here in the celestial carriage on Christmas night during a snowstorm.’
‘Really?’ I ask. ‘You’d join us, right?’
‘I’d love to. If I wouldn’t be crashing?’
I wave my hand in the air. ‘Hell, I’ve been crashing since I left England; don’t worry about it.’
Even Cali let’s out a snicker, then composes herself. ‘Yes, this will be good. A bit of dancing, drinking, another go at clearing the air, even if not the tracks, am I right?’ She gives Alex a high-five. ‘I’m going to go and see if the others are in.’
‘We should eat something first,’ I call after her.
Cali’s head pops back up the staircase. ‘Roger that. Wear something festive! Or sexy! Or both!’
Alex stands. ‘Okay. On that note, I’m going to go and check up on a few things. I’ll see you in a while?’
‘Looking forward to it,’ I tell her, unable to keep the smile from my face.
Chapter 31
Joss
I hate seeing them together, even after all these years. The little looks between them, the flushed cheeks, the longing gazes when the other isn’t watching, the body heat that radiates from them when they ‘find’ themselves next to each other.
It should have been me. It could have been me.
I didn’t want to feel this way at Christmas. I didn’t want to act this way. I’m mean and sharp and pushing everyone away all because of my stupid ego.
I’m alone in my compartment, the door pulled closed. Sara is somewhere, she didn’t tell me where, and I didn’t ask, after I made everyone feel shit at the wine tasting. I just had to try and take a dig, didn’t I? But Joe was pushing my buttons – again – and it’s infuriating. Outside the door there’s still faint festive music playing, and beyond the window the snow is so plump and thick it’s all I can see, even the trees are becoming obscured.
I’m so fucking lonely.
What was it I read in that self-help book, again? Something about taking responsibility for your own emotions.
There’s a knock on my compartment door and I lift myself off the chair, shaking away the sadness and pasting my aloof face back on. But when I open the door, I soften.
‘Hey,’ says Luke.
