‘I’m not good company. I don’t have the energy,’ Alice replied. She didn’t mean it unkindly, she just couldn’t bring herself to subtext her feelings.
‘If there was one thing Jill was famous for, it was being someone who stayed checked in with all her friends, especially you. So if you won’t let us be here for you, we’ll be here for her.’
Alice nodded and let Kemi lead her into the living room and the two of them silently cleaned up bottles and wrappers. Bahira and Theresa walked in shortly afterwards with salad and pizzas and when Alice went to retreat to the sofa, Theresa steered her to eat at the table. Bear couldn’t believe his eyes and didn’t quite know what to do with himself with them all sitting with their plates so far away from him.
‘How’s it been training Bear? Is he a handful?’ Theresa asked, bending her hand down to stroke him again.
‘Yes,’ Alice answered. ‘We’ve been going to puppy training classes, though.’
‘That’s good, good for you!’ exclaimed Kemi, as though Alice had just told her she was partaking in nightly speed dating.
‘Thanks. He’s definitely learning to be a bit better behaved. He’s quite needy and gets a bit anxious if I have to be away from him, so I’m pretty much with him twenty-four-seven. I guess I should leave him more, but well, I don’t want to.’ Alice shrugged.
Kemi chomped on a piece of pizza. ‘Do what you want. As long as he’s happy and you’re happy, you know, relatively speaking, you can choose to raise him however you like.’
The rest of the visit went by more easily than Alice expected, with conversation kept light and small-talky, but Alice kept thinking about what Kemi had said. As long as she was happy and as long as Bear was happy . . .
‘Don’t become a stranger, okay?’ Bahira said when the three of them were leaving Alice’s flat a while after lunch. ‘And call if you need anything.’
‘I will. And the same to you. Thanks for coming,’ Alice said, meaning it. ‘And thanks for the vegetables.’
‘Our pleasure.’
When she closed the door she faced Bear, thoughtfully. So if neither of them fitted that criteria, about being happy, maybe it was time she did something about it?
