Yet, I can’t find the strength to do that, because even in those fleeting memories of us, I’m happier within them.
Happier in the lie that someday I could be back with him.
I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to push you away before it was too late.
Chapter 14
Xeraphine
Agentle groan vibrates in my throat as I struggle to open my eyes. They feel unbearably heavy—more so than usual.
My head is slightly elevated, cushioned by something soft, reminiscent of a pillow. That can’t be right. I was tossed into the depths of the sea; a place meant for misery, not comfort. Maybe it’s just my mind playing tricks on me.
Perhaps it’s the soft seabed cradling me. The same one I’ve woken up screaming against before. That must be why it’s so hard to pry my eyelids open and see where I am.
I don’t feel the crushing pressure of the depth I should be in. That alone makes me think I might be wrong. Could they have already dragged me out? They said a month—could I really have been down there that long?
A short, sharp breath pulls through my nose, filling my lungs with air. My eyebrows lift as I force my eyes to open, heavy as they are.
The room is dimly lit, bathed in a soft, ambient glow. It isn’t harsh—just enough to see. It feels eerily familiar, like Kairhyse’s room. The dark walls and subtle mood lighting are gentle on my sensitive eyes. Even the blankets, a rich plum color, seem like his.
This couldn’t be his room, could it? Had he found me?
Just as I’m about to shift, a sharp pain crushes my chest, forcing the air from my lungs. My jaw tightens to stifle the scream threatening to shatter the fragile silence around me. My arms instinctively curl toward my body, desperate for comfort. But before I can wrap myself in my own embrace, two strong hands seize my wrists, halting me.
My eyes widen, darting beyond the blanket just as Kairhyse shifts fully into view. His eyes, vibrant and brimming with life, crinkle slightly at thecorners as his lips pull into that big, toothy smile of his—the one I swore I’d never see again.
“You’re awake finally,” he says in a husky, sultry tone.
I release a breath, only to take a shaky one back in.
He pulls my arms apart and shifts me closer, my body pliant, allowing him to bring me right against his bare chest. “I’ve got you, little demon, you’ve done a lot of fighting lately. Time to relax for a bit.” He directs my arms around his neck, and once they are secured, his hands come around my waist and erase any space there was between us.
“That’s better.”
I’m frozen in shock, my gaze flicking between his eyes that hold no trace of worry. There’s an ease in them, a serenity that feels foreign, and that’s how I know I’m dreaming. None of this can be real, and the realization hits me like the weight of the Beyond crashing down, digging into my heart.
“Talk to me, little demon.” He lifts his hand to my cheek, his thumb tracing a slow line down the curve of my lips.
“This isn’t real.” The words tear through me, crushing my soul, but they’re the truth—the deadly truth that will always haunt me. “You aren’t real…”
His smile doesn’t falter, and the eyebrow marked with the tattooed scar lifts in that familiar, teasing way. “Then what are you holding onto?”
“The memory of you…” My voice quivers, barely more than a whisper.
I rest my forehead against his chest, drawing in a deep breath of him, only to confirm what I already know—this is all in my head. His usual scent of cinnamon and apple is absent.
For reasons I can’t explain, the realization sends a wave of heat behind my eyes and needles prickling across my cheeks. “Stalking me, even in my own mind… typical,” I murmur, the words shaky yet affectionate. My fingers thread through his long hair, gripping tightly at the roots, while my other hand presses firmly against his shoulder blade, pulling him closer.
“Your grip is quite tight for someone that doesn’t think I’m real.”
“Shut up…” I slide my leg between his, and he shifts to accommodate me, allowing me closer. The soft fabric of his boxers brushes against my skin—a detail that only deepens the ache in my chest. It’s another cruel reminder that this isn’t real. He was never one to wear anything to bed with me, no matter the circumstance. “I never said I didn’t want it to be real.”
He hums and tucks his head into the curve of my neck. “Iknow. I mi?—”
“I miss you, Kairhyse,” I cut him off. “I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted to ruin your life…” A sharp pain pinches the middle of my back just as a tear rolls from my eye. “You should have just let me leave that day.”
Feeling him shake his head, I bite down onto the flesh of my bottom lip. In response, I nod. “Yes, because now you are gone, and I’ll never get the chance to…”
