I’m slowly losing my mind.
“It won’t affect anything,” Tali finally answers. “She’s just a host. As long as the baby” —she places her hand onto my stomach, and I jerk— “stays right here, it’ll be fine.”
My chest heaves as I grind my teeth together, bearing them as hot tears roll down my temples. “Don’t do this…” I whisper, my hands clenching and unclenching as I pull on my restrained wrists. “Please… Send me to the Beyond…”
So I can be with him…
I don’t open my eyes, but I feel a body lean over me before the pointed tip of her tongue runs from my ear, straight to my eyelids. Her hot breath fans across my cheek as she whispers, “No.”
“Can’t we just keep her up here?” Jay asks, and I bite hard on my inner cheek as a hand comes to cup into mine. “I can watch her.”
A groan rolls from my mother. “It’s risky, and I’m in need of a break. We’ve been at this for two weeks straight. Her Amoro finally gave out. Any longer we would have just had to put her down until I was rested.”
Chase leans over, his hands resting against the table. “Don’t worry your sweet, blond head, Jay. I’ll make sure to keep an eye on her.” He leans in and licks across my temple, clearing it of my tears. I’ve known he was a Shifter, some sort of sea creature from the smell. “I like your tears more than your cum. Far saltier.”
I’d gag but I’m just too tired.
“Kill me,” I whisper again.
My mother hums, her lips trailing to mine as she says, “You’ve hadyour fun, Xeraphine, now it’s time to serve your only purpose in this life: me.”
The sound of metal clinking accompanies a freedom of my ankles and wrists that I haven’t felt in what feels like forever. I’ve been laying in the same position for several days. When I’m lifted, an involuntary whimper rolls from my throat.
I’m hoisted over Chase’s shoulder—his bare skin against mine feels like lava. My hand balls into a fist, and I pull it back to pound it against his muscular back. I may as well be a child with how weak I am. I’m certain he doesn’t even feel it.
Why am I even fighting…
I open my hand, looking at my palm, before completely going limp over him.
“I’ll see you later.” Jay’s soft voice finds me as I close my eyes, not caring where they are taking me. “Just sleep, don’t fight it.” A hand caresses up my neck, likely his from how soft it is.
The thudding of several feet against the hollow boat echoes beneath us, but as a cold breeze touches my bare skin, the sound fades, replaced by the steady crash of waves.
I had a feeling this was coming.
“I told Belial what I wanted,” Tali says, sounding as though she is right in front of me. It’s confirmed as she grabs hold of my chin and lifts my head up. Before she can command me to do so, I open my eyes and meet her gaze. “Afterward, I was ambushed by a group of Fallen. Too coincidental, I think, but regardless... I should’ve never gone to amalewith my concerns. They never listen. They’llneversee my vision. I’m trying to save us?—”
“Fuck… you…” I spit through my teeth.
“They sunk me in this very spot for over two hundred years; said I was breaking the laws of our accords. Pfft.” She tuts. “They’re afraid of us, as is every mortal being, Xeraphine.”
“I… don’t care…”
“You will. One day you’ll give up this senseless fight and stand beside me. Until then, enjoy your alone time while my baby cooks inside you.”
A feeling of weightlessness hits me before the sting of the cold sea surrounds my body. Even if I had known he was jumping in, I wouldn’t have taken a breath. It’s night, so it’s dark the moment we’re beneath the surface of the water.
I close my eyes, allowing the burning in my lungs to take hold as we sink further and further away from the boat.
I’ve not felt utter helplessness like this since that day I rested down onthe train tracks to take my own life. I’m going to die down here, but never be given the eternal rest I want so badly.
I’ll never be allowed to be with Kai in the afterlife. I’m forced to remember him every second my brain functions, knowing I can never have him. That’s true torture.
I’m once again buried.
Alone.
Kai… I’m sorry. I told you to let me go… Now I’m left with having to do it… to let you go…
