“It’s not a sin,” he said in a low voice. “If I found the men who raped you, I’d kill them.”
She believed him. He said it with complete conviction. “That is also a sin.”
“ ‘An eye for an eye,’ ” he quoted.
“You know the Bible?”
“Not really. I don’t believe in God.”
She wasn’t surprised. “Do you love your mother?”
“Yes,” he said, frowning at the question.
“Does she love you?”
He nodded. “She was a good mother when she was sober. Even when she was high, she was affectionate. But she had trouble keeping a steady job. She was irresponsible. She’d go on a binge and everything would fall apart. She’d stay in her room for days.”
“Who took care of you?”
“My best friend’s mother. They lived across the street, so I went over to his house a lot.”
Maria had met Adam Cortez, Ian’s best friend. He was a border protection officer, dark and handsome. “I’m glad she was there for you.”
He glanced away, contemplative. “So am I.”
She studied his profile. He had a strong face, for agabacho. His skin wasn’t sun-browned or weathered, but he hadn’t enjoyed a life of ease. There was an unsettled energy about him, like an electric charge. She recognized the spark because it lived inside her too. It was part ambition, part survival instinct. When you came from nothing, you had to strive harder.
She considered what he’d said about getting fired for traveling with her. That seemed extreme. “Does your boss know about us?”
“Yes.”
“You told him what we did in the hotel room?”
“I didn’t get specific, but he’s aware of our relationship.”
Imagining that conversation made her pulse race with a strange feeling. It was part embarrassment, part anticipation. She wished they could be together like a real couple. She wanted to kiss him and touch him and feel his body against hers. She wanted to give herself to him completely, to take him inside her. But she knew a shared future for them was impossible. He’d continue his career in law enforcement. She’d help her mother. They were on different paths.
“It was worth it,” he said quietly, meeting her gaze. “Even though I lost my job.”
“Don’t say that. You can’t mean it.”
“I do mean it.”
She blinked to clear the sudden rush of moisture from her eyes. That night had been incredibly special to her too. In a few stolen moments, he’d shown her the only sexual pleasure she’d ever known. She hadn’t realized how good it could feel to be touched by a man. The fact that he’d faced terrible consequences and still didn’t regret their time together spoke volumes. It grabbed hold of her heart and wouldn’t let go.
She stared across the blurred landscape, her throat tight. Her feelings for him went beyond physical attraction. Since the day they met, their spirits had been entwined. They were hopelessly connected. That’s why she had to keep her distance. Leaving his bed had been one of the hardest things she’d ever done.
She wasn’t strong enough to do it again.
