“He didn’t show?”
She shook her head. “He died on the tracks.”
Ian didn’t offer his condolences, but his expression changed from the hard mask into something less rigid.
“Hugo never got to know him.” She gestured to the railcar beneath them. “This is what he knows. That boys and men with courage, and no other options, do this.”
He stayed silent for a moment. “You should’ve told me.”
“Would you have brought me here to look for him if I had?”
A muscle in his jaw flexed. “This assignment was my last chance to prove myself. I left the border patrol because I didn’t feel like I was helping anyone. I got forced out of the DEA for following my gut instead of my orders. Now I’m riding on top of a train for reasons I can’t explain to my supervisor. I’m fucked, Maria. Does that mean anything to you?”
“Yes.”
He made a scoffing noise.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t honest. I’m sorry I left. But we can still find Sarai—”
His eyes turned sharp again. “You’re kidding, right?”
“She’ll go to Tijuana to look for her father. There are several stops along the route where the passengers can get on and off safely. We can keep going. We can search the crowds for her.”
“Absolutely not,” he said, his tone flat. “There’s no indication that she’s even on the train, and this method of travel is too dangerous. My boss would fire me if he knew we were together. He told me to stay away from you.”
Her spirits plummeted. She couldn’t ride La Bestia alone. If Ian refused to accompany her, there was nothing else she could do.
“Where is the next stop?” he asked.
“San Juan del Río. We’ll ride all night.”
“As soon as we get there, you’re going home.”
She didn’t bother to tell him that she would go wherever she pleased, whenever she pleased. It would only make him angrier, and she couldn’t bear to part ways with him on bad terms. She wanted to explain the choices she’d made. “I didn’t lie to you about Armando, and I think you’re wrong about him. He’s not a bad man. He loves his daughter. That’s why I chose to help him. I lost my father at a young age. I know how it feels to have your family torn apart.”
His jaw tightened, obstinately. “Not everyone is kind and good like you.”
“Not everyone. Just most people.”
It was clear he didn’t agree. His idea of “good” wasn’t the same as hers, either. He considered himself one of the good guys because of his job, but as far as Maria was concerned, police officers were no better or worse than anyone else. She’d learned to fear all men in uniform for a reason. Ian was the only lawman she’d ever trusted. She wondered why he’d chosen this field of work. He seemed passionate about it, despite his struggle to fit in.
“Was your father a police?” she asked.
“More of a criminal, I’d guess.”
“You don’t know?”
“My mother never told me who he was.”
She made a sound of sympathy. “Did he harm her?”
He frowned as if he hadn’t considered this possibility, even though it was the first one that sprang to her mind. “She never told me that. She just said we were better off without him. When I got older, I began to suspect she didn’t know who he was. She was a drug addict. There were a lot of different men.”
“She might have lied to protect you.”
“She might have,” he allowed.
Maria thought about some of the choices she’d made after the attack in the desert. She’d never shared this secret with anyone. “They gave me a pill in the hospital so no baby would come. It is a sin to take this medicine, but I took it.”
