Faith laughed. "He does. So is that why you didn't sleep? You're sad about your dad dying?"
D stared at her for a moment. "I don't know if I'm happy or sad about it. I guess a mix of both. I'm mad Xander had to tell me about it and I didn't know myself too, which is stupid, because I didn't care or want to know, at least I thought I didn't." D sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I sound confused, don't I?"
"Yeah, but I don't know all you are talking about, so…" She shrugged. "Is your mom still alive?"
D blinked at her. "Um, I don't know. I guess Xander would have said something if she wasn't."
"Maybe you should write a letter to her. Get all the anger out that way, like I did."
D shrugged. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to do that. The anger and hate that would come out would be nearly overwhelming. "I don't know what to do." He stared at her. "It's hard to forget."
Faith nodded. "For me too. I don't think I ever will. Katie said that the memories will fade and won't be as bad, but then I have nightmares and it's like I'm there again."
"I have nightmares too," D admitted. "Not as often as I used to, but they still happen."
"When it gets bad, I focus on all the good in my life now. I call Lisa and talk to her or go shopping or something. I remind myself that while things were bad for a little while, that's over with and I'm happy now. He isn't able to hurt me anymore."
D smiled. "That's a good way to focus on things."
"It's the only way. Katie said I can choose to let what was done to me be a big deal in my life, or I can move on and figure out what things are important and deserve to be a big deal. I choose to let my friends and family be a big deal. Not what happened when I was kidnapped." Faith smiled.
"Katie's pretty amazing, isn't she?" D should have taken the time to listen to her more and open up about things when she was his therapist.
"She is." Faith reached a hand out to D. "Your past is just that, your past. You can't go back and change it. I learned that when I kept questioning if I could have done anything differently. It doesn't matter, thinking about it isn't going to change it. If you're mad at your parents, then be mad. It's okay, but don't forget what is important in your life. Do like I did and focus on your friends and what makes you happy now."
D squeezed Faith's hand in his. "I love you, kid. I hope you know that."
"I love you too, Dys." She got up and wrapped her arms around him in a big hug. "Are you going to be okay?"
"Yeah, I will be. I just need to sort through some stuff in my head. You've helped me start to do that." He smiled up at her. "You want waffles?"
She nodded. "I haven't had those forever."
"Then you need to tell your dads to get with it and make them for you more often. Waffles are the best for breakfast." D stood and stretched.
"You tell them. They always say I'm old enough to cook them breakfast now." She rolled her eyes.
"I'll talk to them." D opened the door for her and let her inside. He was still angry and mad, but he couldn't take it out on Faith. He had plenty to say to Xander when he got him alone later, but right now, he was going to focus on Faith and enjoy the time she was visiting.
The fact Xander had left him alone outside and hadn't tried to talk to him more, let him know that Xander was aware how big an issue this was. D needed time to think, and hopefully, with Faith around as a buffer, he'd get that time and could talk to Xander about everything later.
He was tired and stressed, and what he really wanted was to go into the bedroom, wake up Jeremy with a blowjob and get lost in hours of hot sex. That wasn't going to happen. Not with a houseful of people.
It was honestly time for him to come to terms with his past. As he'd thought about it all night, he realized he'd used sex and other things as a way to deal with it, but he'd never really faced it. He needed to do that. He couldn't run anymore. He couldn't hide from what had happened. He wasn't sure what the solution was, but he needed to let it go.
"Where's your waffle maker?" Faith started opening cupboards in the kitchen.
Everything was going to have to wait. He had Faith to feed, and that was more important than his own worries.
