Closing his eyes, he groaned aloud as both of his friends grinned, evidently delighted that they had broken his spirit enough for him to tell them precisely what it was that he was feeling.
Adam was not finding the experience pleasant.
“You believe it will injure you.”
Nodding in answer to Lord Campbell’s statement, Adam lifted his head and spread out his hands.
“I fear that it will be just as before. I have seen it repeated in the experiences of others. Therefore, I remain convinced that to have any feelings of affection or the like will, in the end, only bring sorrow.”
“And why do you keep believing so?” Lord Campbell tipped his head. “Is it that you have witnessed my pain and seen my state of disillusionment and think it is the only representation of what happens when one’s heart is involved?”
Pausing, Adam shrugged.
“Yes, but I think of myself also.”
“But that was not love, as I have already told you.” Clearly a little irritated, Lord Dennington rolled his eyes. “I understand that you believe that you fell in love with Lady Margaret, but I am quite convinced that you did not. Indeed, I think that you were only infatuated by her. I am not saying that you had no affection for the lady, only that it was not as deep as love is.”
Adam frowned.
“For someone who has declared that they shall not wed either for practicality or for affection, you seem to know a great deal about matters of the heart.”
It was a half-hearted attempt to take attention away from himself, but Lord Dennington only smiled.
“Or mayhap I have long been in love, and you have never known it,” he said quietly. “Perhaps I wait for the young lady to take note of me.”
“Which is yet another reason for me to push away all possible affection - for you may also find yourself disappointed,” Adam shot back, but Lord Dennington held up both hands, shaking his head firmly.
“No, I am glad to feel such things and, even if I am to be disappointed, I shall be glad of it. To hold such a deep love within my heart has permitted me to see the world a little differently, to know what it is to care for someone beyond all sense. These are things I find myself grateful for, even though, for the moment, I must wait.”
Lord Campbell cleared his throat.
“And it has proven to me that love is stronger than the pain I have suffered.” Looking up from where his gaze had been resting on the table, Lord Campbell looked straight into Adam’s face. “Yes, it is true that I have found myself battling a great deal of suffering. My heart has been sore and sick. I have hated the struggle and my heart’s inability to remove Miss Barrett from my thoughts. However, I have learned that this has all been for a purpose.” Adam caught his breath, his eyes rounding. “And yes, before you ask, I am finding my path forward with Miss Barrett.”
Blinking, Adam’s heart catapulted itself around in his chest and he could not give a single word of response. Part of him had been dreading this moment but, now that it was here, now that Lord Campbell seemed contented, he found himself strangely glad, glad that his friend would find a happiness that had been lacking from his life for so long.
“It will take some time to discuss, and there is much to share, but Miss Barrett has professed her heart to me, and I have shared mine with her. I did not like our separation, and I certainly did not like being pushed away, for the shame of it brought great suffering. I will not pretend that I was not injured because of it, but the truth now is, I love her enough to recover from all of these injuries. I hope to forget about them, to place them behind us so that we might step forward into what I hope will be a contented future.” Chuckling, he shrugged both shoulders. “Certainly, I would have preferrednotto have endured such pain, but the love within me, for her, has proven itself to be firm and longstanding. I do not doubt that it will carry me through for the rest of my days and I am grateful for it. I am overjoyed that my heart has found its way back to hers.”
Taking a sip from his glass without really tasting it, Adam looked from one friend to the other.
“Then you mean to say that all that you felt, all that you endured, was worthwhile,” he said, not quite certain whether he could take in such a truth, for it fought hard against what he had told himself to believe. “Therefore, you believe that I should admit to myself that my heart is full of Miss Millington, even though I have been determined to ignore it.”
Lord Dennington nodded fervently.
“You certainly should.”
“But even if I were to do so,” Adam continued, speaking with great slowness, “I have already injured her most severely.” The embarrassment which clawed at his heart begged him not to say anything more, but Adam spoke regardless. He told his friends of his conversation with Miss Millington in the park, of how he had mocked her desire for a love match and how she had, in return, stepped away from him. He told them of his request to dance with the lady, some days later, and how her refusal had brought him so much sorrow that it had made a misery of the rest of the evening.
“I see.” Lord Campbell murmured, then smiled quietly. “What is it that you wish to do now?”
“I am certain that I can tell you.” Lord Dennington tilted his head. “You will admit to yourself that you have done nothing but think of her and, thereafter, your mind will go to thoughts of how to make amends, eager now to have things between you as they were before.” A satisfied smile crossed his face. “Is that not so?”
It was as if they had looked into his heart and told him of his own unspoken emotions.
“I confess, I do not even know what it is that I feel at present. I am all of a confusion, for I have been so very against allowing any emotion into my heart. It is difficult to permit it to fill with affection now. It is as though I am slowly breaking apart a dam, a little at a time.”
“That is good.” Lord Dennington grinned as Lord Campbell nodded. “You must tell her.”
Adam shook his head.
