The heat in her cheeks began to rise as she took in a deep breath.
“Lord Alderton, I seek, at the very least, a genuine affection.” She did not go so far as to speak of love, quite certain that it would turn the gentleman away from her entirely. “The simplest way to explain it is to state that I do not want to go into a marriage where there is only a consideration of each other’s suitability as regards the role of husband and wife, with no concern for affection. You may find this rather ridiculous or even foolish, but it is the standard that I am determined to follow.”
Lord Alderton stared at her for some seconds without saying a single thing. He did not blink, did not even seem to breathe, given the stillness of his frame, and Cassandra felt herself shrinking inside. Did he think her truly absurd? No doubt it was not something he had expected to hear from her, given she was the daughter of an Earl, who would have been schooled in just how suitable a match she had to make. And yet Cassandra could not bring herself to accept that sort of marriage.
“Good gracious.”
Cassandra’s stomach dropped to the ground, only to throw itself back into position as Lord Alderton began to smile. Instantly she recoiled from him, but his hands tightened a little more on hers.
“I am not laughing at you,” Lord Alderton said hastily, his eyes now soft rather than filled with confusion. “I swear to you, Lady Cassandra, I do not have a single flicker of mirth in my heart at present. It is only to state that my admiration of you has been strong, but in hearing you speak so, that admiration has now redoubled itself. I did not think I could admire you more, Lady Cassandra, but it seems I have been proven wrong.”
Letting out a shaking breath, Cassandra looked away from him, uncertain as to the meaning of his reaction. Again, he did not speak of affection, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with her and what she had said. Yes, he had spoken about his admiration, but his admiration was not what she sought.
“Come, let us walk again.” Lord Alderton offered his arm, and she took it almost without thinking, glancing over her shoulder towards Lady Yardley, who gave her a small nod, encouraging her to continue. “Just as you have been truthful with me, I shall be truthful with you.” Lord Alderton cleared his throat, no smile on his face now. “I am a gentleman who has always been practically minded, as I have just said. It must be so, for my estate requires an heir and, therefore, I have always thought about my future bride in terms of suitability. Perhaps it was a mistake, but it is what is expected. I have never evenallowedmyself to think about affection or love. If I can find a creature who is quite beautiful and of the proper standards, then I will consider her.”
Something like a heavy stone sank into Cassandra’s stomach as she nodded slowly, understanding what he was saying but finding herself disagreeing in every possible way. She could never consider a gentleman simply because of his standing. It simply would not bring her heart any contentment.
“I see.”
“If I am honest, however, I should say that there have been some… strange feelings beginning to encroach upon my heart.” Lord Alberton shook his head and turned it away so that he could not look at her. When Cassandra glanced at him, she saw a red dot appear on his cheek, and found her heart beating a little more quickly. Perhaps there was more emotion within him than she had expected – more thanhehad ever expected also it seemed, given his response! “You may think me hasty in speaking so, but I assure you, it comes from my heart.” Coughing, Lord Alderton kept his gaze turned away. “If you will allow me a little time, Lady Cassandra, then I might be able to consider exactly what it is that currently resides within me when it comes to you. I have never permitted myself to think on it before, dismissing it without even the smallest consideration.” His eyes darted to hers for a moment as he lifted one shoulder. “As I have said, I am always a gentleman who is focused on practicality. I have never needed to consider such things before.”
“I understand.”
His smile lifted the edges of his mouth, stealing some of the seriousness from his expression.
“I hope that I will be able to respond to you in the way that you desire. I just require some time to consider things.”
A weight began to lift from her shoulders but, as they began to walk beside each other again, Cassandra tilted her head, slowing her steps to consider him and what he had said. Was he genuine in what he had told her? It had come rather quickly, she supposed, but his explanation had been fair. Thus far, he seemed to have proven himself entirely. There was nothing in his character which Lady Yardley or Lord Sherbourne had found to complain of and thereafter, what had been placed in ‘The London Ledger’, had, it seemed, encouraged him to prove himself to her, had it not? Surely now she could allow him a little time to consider his own heart, particularly when he had never permitted himself to think on it before.
“If it is of any benefit to you to hear this, I am sure that my heart will respond rather quickly to your encouragements.” Finally, Lord Alderton looked at her, although his gaze did not linger, his cheeks now flushing scarlet. “Forgive me, Lady Cassandra, I am discomforting myself. I am not the sort of fellow inclined to speak so openly.”
“I am all the more grateful to you for being so open with me.” Taking a deep breath, she found herself smiling, a good deal more at ease than she had been only some moments ago. “Certainly, I can give you some time to consider all that you must. How glad I am to have found the courage to speak with you about my own heart.”
Lord Alderton laughed.
“As am I,” he admitted. “For had you not had such courage, then I fear that our acquaintance might have come to an end, and such a thing would have devastated me, I believe.” He leaned towards her, his mouth close to her ear as their steps slowed all the more. “And I would not wish to ever be apart from you.”
Much to her astonishment, his nearness did not bring Cassandra even a flicker of feeling. Her skin did not prickle, goosebumps did not break out across it, and she did not giggle lightly. No fire of delight began to smolder within her, her heart did not pound and, all in all, it was as though a simple friend had spoken to her rather than a gentleman with whom she might find herself in love. Forcing a smile, she quickly turned her head away and fixed her gaze straight ahead, now concerned by her lack of feeling. She had told herself that,ifLord Alderton declared that yes, he could find himself in love with her, she would then be able to set her heart free. Except now, she felt nothing in response. She had expected a powerful emotion to overwhelm her, so that all she wanted to do was be swept up into his arms – but it did not come. In fact, the only time she had ever felt that way was when she had been dancing with Lord Sherbourne.
Her heart turned over in her chest.
“Look.” Lord Alderton’s tone had dropped somewhat as Cassandra attempted to steady herself, suddenly feeling all of a tremble. “Is that not Lord Sherbourne?” It was as though fate was placing him directly before her gaze, showing her how her heart was now pounding as she caught sight of him. A desire immediately began to blossom, growing steadily as they drew closer – a desire to drop Lord Alderton’s arm, to run to Lord Sherbourne, and to tell him what she had just discovered about her heart. It was as if she was back in the ballroom on the evening when they had waltzed, recalling how strong his arm had been around her waist, how tightly his hand had clasped hers – and how much she wanted to have him close to her again. “I do not think that we should draw near.” Lord Alderton huffed out a long breath. “And I do hope that you have reconsidered your close acquaintance with Lord Sherbourne, and that Lady Yardley has done the same.”
Despite believing that Lord Alderton was doing his best to protect her, a jarring anger shot through Cassandra and she stiffened instantly, lifting her head.
“Nothing has been proven as yet.”
Her quick response and hard gaze met Lord Alderton’s eyes as his eyebrows lifted in obvious surprise.
“You are still determined to cling to him then.”
Cassandra shook her head, managing to keep her tone measured.
“I am determined to be fair, Lord Alderton.”
Gone was the pleasantness between them, the softness of her voice and the gentleness of his. Instead, their voices were heavier now, with dark expressions flickering across both faces.
“I wish you would listen to me.” Lord Alderton sighed heavily, his displeasure obvious. “Lord Sherbourne is not the gentleman he purports to be.”
