“Yes, I am quite certain.”
So saying, she opened the door and made her way through the hallway to the front door where the carriage was waiting. This could be the first step into her future, she told herself, the beginning of the love match which she so desperately wanted. All the same, her hands tightened in her lap, her forehead continued to frown, and her eyes remained fixed on a point ahead of her as she sat in the carriage. She was still thinking of nothing but Lord Sherbourne and, despite the fact that Lady Yardley kept up a stream of cheerful conversation as the carriage made its way to Hyde Park, Cassandra found that she simply could not join in. Would Lord Sherbourne be at Hyde Park? Would he offer her the truth of what had happened with the diamond bracelet, or was their last conversation to be the only explanation she would ever have?
* * *
Lord Alderton was waitingfor her to emerge from the carriage, the sunlight gleaming off his brown hair. The broad smile on his face told her that he was not thinking of their last conversation. In fact, when she approached him and he immediately began to speak of how fine an afternoon it was, she realized that he had already set aside that conversation completely. She was still caught up with it however, despite the fact that she had told her cousin she fully intended to do as much as she could to enjoy her time with Lord Alderton. Just seeing Lord Alderton again brought that entire situation back to mind, recalling how differently he had appeared, with his hands clamped to his waist, his stance wide, and his eyes flashing. Compared to how he was now – his smile gentle, his forehead unlined – it was as if she were in the presence of a different gentleman entirely.
“I cannot tell you how glad I am that you agreed to walk with me.” Lord Alderton offered her his arm, and she accepted it. “Hyde Park is not particularly busy as yet, but soon it will become very crowded, I am sure. The fashionable hour is not upon us but it is not far off, and I will be very glad for gentlemen and ladies alike to see you on my arm.” Cassandra glanced over at him, then nodded, but did not say anything by way of agreement. “Might ask if you are a little upset about what you read in ‘The London Ledger’?” His frown drew lines into his forehead. “I do not read papers such as that myself, as I may have said before, but it was brought to my attention, and I am concerned about what you thought of it.”
She turned her head to catch his eyes, then pulled her gaze away again, for his look was much too intense. The way that he was studying her spoke of genuine concern, as though he was truly worried about what she would think of him.
“I suppose…,” she began slowly. “I suppose I should not be surprised that there are other young ladies interested in your company. It was an explanation for your lack of… focused interest inouracquaintance, which I had not previously considered.”
Lord Alderton huffed out a breath.
“You thought that, because it seemed that I had so many young ladies eager for my company, you might only be one of many I sought out?” The dark tone which flooded his words sent a flash of guilt through her, as though she should know that she was the only one he considered. Warmth began to push up into her face and she dropped her head. “I should take the blame upon myself.” Lord Alderton shook his head and sighed loudly. “I was not as obvious as I ought to have been.”
Cassandra swallowed.
“It is not your fault that many young ladies are eager for your company, I think.”
Her cheeks flushed as she spoke, well aware that this was something which Lady Yardley herself had written in ‘The London Ledger’ as a mere whisper rather than as having any foundation in truth. The way that Lord Alderton was responding, however, it seemed that what had been written about him, he considered to be quite true. Perhaps shewasonly one of many young ladies whom he sought out on a fairly regular basis. Had she been foolish to hope otherwise?
“That may very well be true, Lady Cassandra, but that does not mean that I could not have made myself a good deal clearer before this moment.” Clearing his throat, he turned to face her so that they paused in their walk. “In fact, I should have explained my position to you before now. Forgive me for the delay. I shall do so now if I might?”
Cassandra swallowed, then nodded.
“Please.”
Lord Alderton lifted his chin and straightened his shoulders.
“Lady Cassandra, I am a gentleman who takes his time in all things. I contemplate everything with great care before I make a decision. It is a trait that has proven valuable to me a good many times thus far in my life. Therefore, Lady Cassandra, I confess to you that Iamthinking about you, and our potential future together, but I must do so with careful consideration. I have many requirements and must make certain that whoever I wed will be the most suitable for both myself, my future heirs, and my estate. However, I do think that your gentle nature, sweet spirit, and obvious beauty are a fitting match for me.”
Cassandra blinked. He had not mentioned a single word about emotion. There was not even a small suggestion that he might find himself in love with her, as she had been hoping for. In fact, all he had mentioned thus far was practicality, although, of course, he had been most complimentary about her in doing so. But such words did not mean that there was any hope of affection. If there was not even the smallest hint of it, then what was she to do? Cassandra had no doubt that her future would look rather dark if it was without love.
“Ah….”
She made an indeterminate sound, indicating that she had heard his words, and hoping that doing so might encourage him to say more.
“It was not until I was told about what was written in the paper that I realized I had to make a decision.” Lord Alderton shook his head, speaking through her confusion. “Forgive me, Lady Cassandra. I have taken far too long to make a choice. I certainly should have asked you to walk with me or even to take afternoon tea together, long before this moment. It has been almost three weeks since we were first acquainted, and such a length of time ismorethan long enough to consider what one might want for one’s future.” So saying, Lord Alderton settled one hand over hers for a moment, though his gaze remained locked upon hers, as though she would hope to see the fervency in his eyes. “I can only apologize for the confusion and doubt that you must be feeling. I have every intention of taking our close acquaintance seriously. It is consideration and caution which have held me back until now – and I recognize that perhaps I have been overly careful.”
He smiled at her, but Cassandra was not quite able to return it. Her heart was beating a little more quickly but it was not from excitement, nor the thrill of what he had said. Rather, she found herself struggling with disappointment. Lord Alderton had not mentioned love nor even affection, speaking only of how he required a wife who would fit into every area of his life and his estate. But that was not what she wanted! That was not what she was looking for, not what she desired from their courtship. To be seen only as someone suitable rather than someone he could not do without, would not bring her any happiness.
“From your silence, I begin to think that I shall have to prove myself to you.” Cassandra merely smiled briefly as she began to walk again, silently thinking that yes, hewouldhave to prove himself to her, for if he did not want love to be a part of their acquaintance, then she did not want to be acquainted with him. It was as simple as that. “Now I fear that I have made you melancholy.” Lord Alderton stopped, swung around, and grasped both of her hands in his so that she had no other choice but to look up into his face. His eyes were searching, his expression serious, looking for answers which only she could give. “You do appear to be a little unhappy this afternoon. If you would tell me of it, I would be glad to know of your concern, in the hope that I can remedy it in some way.”
Cassandra considered for a moment. If she was to be honest with Lord Alderton, then she would tell him of her desire for a love match. If she was not, then she would simply have to hope that such a thing might flourish within their connection. Recalling the pact which she had made with her friends, Cassandra took a moment to draw her courage together, deciding to speak honestly.
“I am not at all upset with your company, Lord Alderton,” she began, truthfully. “I will confess that seeing what was written in ‘The London Ledger’ has provoked me. I had thought, given how often we were in company together, that you and I might have a specific connection, unshared with others – but I fear that I have been foolish in that regard.”
“No, you have not.” To her astonishment, Lord Alderton drew closer, his hands squeezing hers as his fingers sought to lace through her own, even though Lady Yardley was standing only a short distance away. There was a gleam in his eyes, his breath rushing across her cheek as he spoke urgently. “You are not foolish, I assure you. I can see now thatIam the one who has been so. There is only one young lady I want to consider and she is standing here before me at this very moment.”
Taking a deep breath, Cassandra was about to let herself smile, only to hesitate. Yet again, he had not spoken about love, had not even mentioned a fondness for her. Why would she then be glad of his attention? No, even in this, she could not allow her heart to be silenced. The gentleman did not seem to evenconsiderlove and thus, she had to draw back from him.
“You speak well, Lord Alderton.” Glancing at Lady Yardley and seeing her cousin watching the display with sharp eyes, Cassandra dragged in another breath. “You speak only of what – or who – would be the best for your situation, and whilst I understand that a suitable match is the desire of many a gentleman, I myself do not seek only that. I have no desire for a marriage of practicality.”
At this, Lord Alderton immediately frowned as one hand let go of hers.
“Then what is it that you seek, Lady Cassandra?”
