“Experience. I wasn’t ready for that kind of experience yet.” Great save! Hopefully. “Before you, I never had a single reason to believe that I was anything but straight. I was so stressed out by school that I didn’t know what to do. I shouldn’t have been in any kind of relationship. Definitely no new territory. So I…”
“So after you were done using me to get high, you dumped me to focus on your life.”
Shannon pressed her lips together. “That is one way to put it.”
“You said so yourself.” Jess uncrossed her legs, hand on her jacket. “Being with me was like getting high. Only instead of smoking weed with the kids in our dorm, you were kissing me.”
“I’m sorry. That was insensitive.”
“Oh, boy.” Jess placed her palms on the table, a sour look claiming her demeanor. “If I knew you wanted to talk about this tonight, I would’ve… I dunno. Not come?”
Shannon had to think fast if she didn’t want to push Jess any farther away. “We don’t have to talk about it. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“You never did, huh?”
She deserved that. Even so, Shannon couldn’t help but put up her defenses and pretend that was the worst thing Jess could’ve possibly said. The indignity!
“To be fair, you were the one stalking me across campus half of the time.”
“Stalking you? Gee, never heard that one before.”
“I didn’t mean it like that… I mean we kept bumping into each other for so long, that it felt like more than mere coincidence.”
“Funny thing about coincidences.” Jess pushed aside her empty plate. “Sometimes there’s a reason things are happening after all.”
“I suppose so.”
“No suppositions,” Jess said. “Coincidences are a convenient excuse when it comes to stuff like that, but fact is, we were on a tiny campus. Of course we bumped into each other. It’s a miracle we never noticed each other until sophomore year. I wonder how many times we bypassed each other freshman year, and never realized it.”
Shannon sucked in her breath. “Freshman year, I had longer hair and dyed it black. First time you talked to me, I had recently cut my hair and grown out my natural color.”
Jess laughed. “Well, there you go. I always had a thing for short hair. As soon as the real you came out, I noticed you.”
Is that how it was?The only reason Shannon cut her hair was to get over her ex.I wanted to feel like a new woman.She felt like she had shared similar sentiments with someone before. Who? Was it around the time Jess cut her hair, too? Had Shannon thought Jess had broken up with a girlfriend and wanted a fresh start? God, how many fresh starts could a girl get in college?
Endless, weren’t they? College was like that. Every year was a fresh start. Every semester had endless possibilities. Some people took every new class as an opportunity to change their lives. Was that immaturity speaking? A desire to constantly reinvent one’s self? Would Shannon have changed that much if she walked into a class senior year with the attitude that she was now a raging dyke?
I remember when you cut your hair and I thought you looked like a whole new woman.
“Do you…” Shannon knew this would come out wrong, but she didn’t know how else to ask it. “Do you have a girlfriend right now?”
Jess only shuddered for a slight second. Enough for Shannon to notice, but not enough for her to be concerned. “No,” she said. “Afraid I don’t.”
“I see.”
“What about your boyfriend?”
“I don’t have one anymore.”
“We’re both single, huh?”
I thought she’d be pissed, but now I’m the uncomfortable one!Shannon tucked her hair behind her ear and said, “Looks like it.”
“Thirty, flirty, and dirty.” Jess chuckled. “Is that how it works? Because when I was twenty, I thought being thirty would be a lot more interesting than this.”
“Same.”
The waiter brought them their checks. Jess pulled out her debit card before Shannon could offer to pay for her.I knew I was a terrible date, but damn.
