“You were a religion major, right?”
She remembers?“Yeah. Not a lot of jobs related to that, unless you think you have the chops to be a religious studies professor.”
“Tell me about it. I feel like that was most liberal arts.” When Shannon shook her head, her soft hair gently whisked back and forth in the candlelight.Please strike me dead now, God.Jess no longer felt the same level of heart-thumping awe when in Shannon’s presence, but to deny she was as beautiful as she had been in college? (Perhaps more so, because some women only became more gorgeous with age?) Jess could never deny that. If only she could say the same for herself, though.
“So you do photography now?”
“Yup. Absolutely nothing to do with my degree, and my student loans make sure I remember that every month.”
Jess couldn’t hide a small snort of derision. Shannon came from money. More money than Jess did. Odds were she didn’t have the amount of debt that Jess juggled every month. Still, loans were loans. Nobody wanted to pay them, and they were a burden upon the shoulders of almost an entire generation.
Specifically, their generation.
It was another one of those little things that made Jess feel older. The day of her thirtieth birthday hadn’t felt that weird. Another day. Another birthday. Another year gone by. She had always hoped that her thirties would be a vast improvement upon her twenties.Not off to a great start here, universe.Her twenties had started with the first appearance of Shannon Parker. Now her thirties were following suit.
What had she done to deserve this?
“Do you like it?”
Shannon shrugged. “Taking pictures for a living? I guess. I don’t like most of my clients, but that’s the gig. My favorite part is touching up the photos on my computer.”
“I don’t recall you ever taking pictures back in college.” Maybe that was one of many things Jess never learned about the love of her life. “Was that a recent development?”
“I liked photography back then. I simply didn’t have a lot of time to do it. Was busy doing everything else I thought would look better on my cover letter.”
“Like dorm councils?”
Shannon cracked a small smile. “I sometimes question why I bothered with that. I only took that on because I knew I didn’t have a shot at student council.”
“If you hadn’t, we probably would have never become…” Jess considered her words carefully. “Friends.”
“You’re right about that.”
The waiter brought their appetizers. Shannon had ordered cooked seasoned greens. She offered a bite to Jess, who turned it down.What am I doing? The old me would’ve cried real tears to have Shannon Parker offer her some of her own food.
The whole situation was surreal. Here Jessica Mills was, living out a fantasy she had constructed as early as sophomore year of college. Her. Shannon. Sharing an intimate dinner in one of Portland’s nicest Asian fusion restaurants. They talked of old times. Their dreams. What they wanted, and what they couldn’t live the rest of their lives without. This should’ve had Jess catatonic in wonder.
Instead, she was numb. Even when she acknowledged that this was actually happening, for some reason, it could’ve ended right then, and she wouldn’t care.
I’m over you.
That’s what she thought, yet it sounded wrong. Was it possible to be over Shannon? The woman Jess fell in love with at first sight so long ago? Was maturity and a healthy dose of cynicism responsible, or had the rose-colored glasses been off long enough for her to move on?
Shannon was still beautiful – that would probably always be true. Yet she had a nasty habit of chewing her nails. She was a bundle of nerves that would never be happy with simple harmony. She said things without thinking. Her privileged youth meant she would never know what it was like to be impoverished, like Jess had been growing up. Like she could be any moment now.
Also, she was obviously straight. That had been more obvious back in college, but all this talk of her ex-boyfriends was enough to numb more of Jess’s heart.
I’m over you.
Truth bloomed inside of Jess’s heart, like the first few flowers of spring. Maybe it was a weaker flower. Maybe it didn’t have the same vibrancy as blossoms appearing in late spring, but it didn’t make her truth any less real. Jess Mills had been freed from the tyranny of being in love with a woman she could never have. Maybe it was entirely possible for them to be friends now. Maybe it took a few years and a dearth of maturing into the women they now were to make her see it.
How freeing was it to look at Shannon’s exquisite facial structure and think,“I don’t need you anymore?”
