Could I let her slip through my fingers?
It wasn’t as if I didn’t know if I wanted her or not—I had never wanted anyone or anything as much as I wanted Avril.
Watching her come to my bar, night after night… it was pure torture.
Was that why she was only willing to date losers? Was it because she thought that only some pathetic asshole would be willing to marry her within that short of a timeframe?
God, Avril was opening herself up to a world of pain if she decided that one of these losers was acceptable… if she actually went ahead and tied herself romantically and financially to one of them…
Every single guy that she had brought to my bar had been covered in massive red flags. Whenever I thought that it couldn’t get any worse, she went on a new date—and itwas.
I had a hard time imagining a worse date than the guy who had brought his mother. But then there was the one date with the guy who had sat therepicking his nosewhen Avril had gotten up to go to the bathroom. If that was the kind of thing he would do in public, I had no desire to know what he got up to behind closed doors.
I’d obviously kept my eye on him, because Avril left her fucking drink unattended on a first date.
Who did that?
Why did this girl have zero survival skills? How was she still alive?
Fuck.
I was honest enough with myself to realize that one of the biggest reasons I had a hard time seeing her with all those guys was because it should have been me.Ishould be the one sittingnext to her, making her laugh… and instead of going after her like I wanted, I had to watch the poorest excuses for men—men who were scraped from the bottom of the barrel, men who had less sex appeal than pond scum—those were the guys that Avril chose to bring to my bar, night after night.
I really didn’t understand it at all.
Was her taste in men broken somehow? But she was attracted tome.I could tell that she was interested in me. When I’d flirted with her for the first time, I’d never seen her more pleased.
Then all the chemistry brewing between us had fizzled out the moment Avril revealed her wedding plans.
She couldtellthat I wasn’t on board with marrying someone after four months. It was clear as day that the look on her face had gone from hopeful to hurt in the space of moments.
The worst thing was that I didn’t even think that her idea was that crazy. What the hell would I have done in that situation? If I had spent literally thousands of dollars on a wedding, I sure as hell would want to figure out a way not to lose it all.
I knew enough about weddings to realize that a lot of the deposits were nonrefundable. I certainly wouldn’t be okay with seeing my life savings go down the drain just because my ex had been an idiot. Seeing all your dreams die because your partner went and stuck their genitals where they weren’t supposed to go?
No.
That was bullshit.
That would be like letting the ex win. I would rather die than let my ex get one over on me.
But that didn’t mean the answer was formewas to marry her.
It was beyond psychotic to go on a first date with somebody knowing that they had a literal wedding with you planned in a few months. At worst, my parents would disown me for it. At thevery best, they would quietly watch my relationship with my new wife like a hawk, waiting for any signs that things were going downhill, just so that they could swoop in and tell me that they’d told me so.
God. Damn. That.
So what other options did I have?
I couldn’t marry her. No matter how much I wanted her, that wasn’t how relationships worked.
But why did the responsible choice have to be watchingmywoman walk away from me and into the arms of some man who was all wrong for her?
CHAPTER 13
AVRIL
I wason the verge of a full-on mental breakdown. This was all too much. I couldn’t keep it all in anymore. The pressure kept building inside of me, and I needed to talk to someone about it.
