He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he shuffles a little and peers over my shoulder to Roman. I turn and see Roman watching us. He nods slightly, and I look back to Asher. His hands are in his pockets now and he looks smaller, defeated. I hate that I’m causing him this pain.
“No.” He looks away as he says it. When I don’t respond, he shake his head. “Look, I get it. I don’t have a chance with you. I will get over my feelings. But can we go back to being friends? Please.”
That should make me happy, it’s one last thing I need to worry about. But why does it feel like someone’s twisting a knife in my chest? And why do I feel like bursting into tears? PMS. Blame it on good old PMS. Except, I’m not due for my period anytime soon.Ugh… why is this so hard. Why does my heart beat for more than one? I have a very greedy heart, that’s for sure.
But Asher’s giving me an out, and I have to take it. I know I should just tell him that he isn’t alone in his feelings. But what does he want me to do about them? I have two amazing boyfriends, already. Where would Asher fit into the equation if I did act on my feelings? Is it only because we have gotten so close? Would they go away over time? I don’t know the answers to these questions.
Roman wraps his arm around my waist and I startle a little. I can’t overthink this anymore. If being friends is what Asher wants, it’s what I can give him.
“Friends.” I put my hand out for him to shake, and he takes it in his warm one. I feel it throughout my whole body.Butterflies.
There’s a pause where our shake goes on longer than it should, and Roman makes a sound in the back of his throat.
“Friends,” Asher repeats.
“Perfect.” I nod. “Friends,” I repeat again, as if I need to hear that word one more time. Just to make sure it sinks in…friends. Such a simple word.
But when it comes to Asher, it’s never going to be simple.
THREE
JACE
Another day of school and things are weird.
I knew they would be, after everything that happened between us all. Mila forgiving me was a huge step forward, especially after I verbally attacked her over killing Roman’s dad. That wasn’t fair of me. But she forgave me, and I’m so grateful. But things are weird, now that they’re all together and dating and I’m left on the sidelines watching. I don’t know how to get past that. We used to do everything together, but now I feel like the fourth wheel, and I hate it.
I don’t want to watch without being able to join in. I want to be with Mila. But I don’t know how I would even fit in, if she let me. She said we all give her butterflies, and she won’t choose. Hunter agreed to that, and so did Roman. I don’t completely understand their relationship. In public, Mila and Hunter are all over each other…it’s disgusting sometimes. But with Roman, it’s different. Mila only holds hands with him. But everyone’s watching and waiting. I know better. I have seen them together, and I don’t like the jealously that rises inside me, wishing it was me.
I guess this is what I’ve always feared. Being left out. The pact was meant to stop this from happening to two of us, but because I’m a prick who went into a jealous rage, there’s now only one left out.Me. The one who set the stupid childhood pact into motion and reminded them all the day she got back, and now I’m paying for it. For being greedy.
Hunter already had a conversation with me before I apologized to Mila. He told me how he and Roman are both with her. That, if I have an issue, to go and fuck myself. So I’m keeping my jealously to myself and going with whatever they throw at me, because what else can I do? I don’t want to be left out anymore.
I’m envious. It seems so natural for them. They aren’t jealous of each other, and they don’t seem to fight over her attention. I don’t know how they do it. I would be a mess if I was Hunter or Roman. I’ve always dreamed that she would be mine and mine alone. I know that can’t happen now, and I’ve accepted that.
This is the way it is, and to be honest, it’s the only way it would have ever worked. No one is left out…well, when she finally lets me in, that is.
But I keep how much I want to be with her to myself. My big mouth and my actions got me here on the sidelines. This is my punishment for being an asshole, and the only way I can get back what we once had is to show her I’ve changed.
I thought it would be like old times with the three of them. Just hanging out and having fun. But that’s not the case, at all.
Watching Hunter kiss Mila, wishing those were my lips on hers. Yeah, I can deal with that. I fucked up. But then, watching Roman devour her, and when her eyes meet mine, it makes me wish I were next. That she would come to me and kiss me. But she doesn’t, and I know she’s punishing me for what I did with Britney. It was a low blow and one I wish I could take back.
The fact that they’re together, I can deal with that. It’s the whispering to each other when I’m around and always feeling left out I can’t deal with.
They have secrets, and they don’t want to share them with me. They whisper, and if I get too close, they stop or, a few times, I picked up the name Amato. I don’t like the way my friends don’t trust me enough to talk to me about it.
* * *
Ilet out a deep breath as I round the corner to the school office. My nose scrunches at the sight of Britney Montlake staring at me from where she stands. Her hip rests against the desk, and she’s wearing dark jeans and a red top that makes her red, pouty lips bigger than they are. And not in a good way.
“I know you’re ignoring me, but soon you won’t be. The truth will come out, and your friends will all be in prison, and I’m all you will have left.”
The fuck? I’ve been called to the principal’s office and wasn’t sure why, but seeing her here is bad news. Then I see him—my dad. He’s here too. He’s talking to the office assistant, and when he catches my eyes, I freeze. What’s this about?
I glare at Britney and grit my teeth. “What. Did. You. Do?” I ground out, and she just smiles and winks.
None of this makes sense. Is this about Grady? With my dad involved, it has to be. But Grady isn’t here. And why would my friends be going to prison? Britney should be the one doing time for what she did to Grady. I was the shitty boyfriend; I was the one who treated her badly, and my brother’s the one who paid for it.
