No response comes. Not even after Tucker is pulling up in front of my complex an hour later to give me a lift to work. I know I got my answer when Tony didn’t write me back, and I'm assuming I won't hear from him again.
Tucker turns up the radio, singing to the Katy Perry song playing, not saying a word to me. Tucker never does say much unless he’s getting on to Luca about messing with his bar.
My head is spinning less when we reach the club and I'm thankful for the dim lights when I walk through the door. We opened an hour ago for lunch time and not many people are here yet.
“There you are, you're on in thirty,” my manager, Gilbert, calls out to me from the bar. With my mouth agape, I'm ready to argue I don't go on for at least an hour, that I only came early so I didn't miss a ride here, but Gilbert is already disappearing to the back of the club when I finally manage to get my mouth moving to speak.
“You really should have hidden somewhere until it was your time to go on. You know how Gil is.” Tucker grabs a glass from underneath the bar and starts mixing things together.
I stare around and the only customer is some guy sitting in one of the back booths absorbed in his phone and not interested in the dancer on stage. “Who's the drink…” My words trail off when Tuck slides a red drink in front of me, topping it off with a piece of celery. “It's a Bloody Mary, and you'll thank me later when you're up there dancing on that stage.”
“Not if I'm puking it all over the customers,” I reply, taking a sip of the drink and pursing my lips together at the not so pleasant taste. The only way I like my tomatoes is after they've been turned into salsa. I want to gag every time Luca drowns his French fries in ketchup. I take another sip, scrunching my face together. I make it halfway through the drink before I’m pushing it away and getting up from my stool to head backstage.
It doesn't take me long to get dressed since I did my makeup at home. I only add a few touch-ups and top my lips off with more pink lipstick that matches my eye shadow. My makeup skills aren't as good as Luca's, but I'm still pretty satisfied with my appearance in the mirror. I run my hand through my medium length blond hair. I go for the messy, wavy look and it works for me.
When I leave the dressing rooms, I see that the club seems to have filled up more within the last twenty minutes. My steps come to a halt when my gaze falls to someone sitting at the bar with a familiar bird tattoo on his hand, spinning his mug around.
I didn't expect to see the same man from last night sitting alone at the bar in a tux, but there he is, appearing lost and alone. It was only yesterday he and his friends were here laughing and drinking. It's hard to believe this is the same guy who was excited about his big day today.
I know I shouldn't be walking his way right now, but I'm having a hard time convincing my feet to do anything else. Based on what he said yesterday, he shouldn't even be here. He should be off on his honeymoon with his new husband. My stomach tightens with jealousy as I remember the words from one of his friends, talking about celebrating his last night as a bachelor.
I clear my throat, attempting to get his attention, but it doesn't work this time. I take a seat in the stool next to him. “Come back for that lap dance?” I smile in an attempt to lessen the tension.
He forces a smile to his lips, shaking his head. “I actually just came here for a beer.”
“Shouldn't you be doing other things right now?”
He nods, sighing. “I should be heading home getting ready for my wedding reception, but that's kind of hard to do when there's no longer a wedding and only one groom.”
I frown, and my heart pains. “I'm sorry things didn't go as planned.”
“Maybe that's the problem. Planning things always put too much pressure on him and made things too final. I should have never made him feel like he had to choose between me and his life. This is my fault.”
I resist the urge to reach for his hand, wanting badly to offer him comfort in any way I can. “I guess I'm a bit confused here. When you’re with someone, aren't you part of their life? You shouldn't blame yourself for wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone you love. If someone seems unsure about you now, what difference will more time make?”
I stare at the empty stage and ignore my name being announced. There's no way I can just leave this poor man like this. What kind of person would I be? “I bet you didn't plan on sharing this with some random stranger at the bar, huh? Look, I have to go on stage now, but if you still need someone to talk to after I get done, I'll be around.”
He stares up at me with red-rimmed eyes as I'm standing from my stool. “Thanks, but I think I'll probably head out after I drown my sorrows in one more beer.”
I nod, smiling sympathetically. I know what it's like to have my heart broken. Sure, I've never been left on the day of my wedding, but I know what it’s like to give your all to someone just to be left with nothing in the end. After a while I've become completely numb to love. I'm not sure I could fall in love even if I tried. My heart is so guarded, the wall that grew around it is practically made of indestructible steel. As hard it is to walk away from those sad eyes, I know I have to before I get lost in them longer than I already have.
I get up on stage, and during my dance my gaze keeps landing back on that same bar stool, expecting him to be missing from it, but he’s still there every time I look. I finally let my mind and body get lost in the song playing and I let the rhythm take me away from the stage for a little while. I get a sense of freedom and a rush of buzzing energy when I dance. It’s my escape.
When I come back to reality and glance toward the bar while exiting the stage, the man is gone. Even though my stomach knots in disappointment, a part of me is relieved. I don’t need to be flirting with some guy who just got dumped by his fiancé and is still wearing his wedding band on his finger. I don’t need to be flirting with any guy right now. After Tony, I'm about to give up on men all together and maybe get a pet instead. At least they’re loyal, and you don't have to worry about them leaving you for their secretary.
I sigh, about to turn around to return to the dressing room to get changed again, when someone grabs my arm. “So, if you have the time, I think I'll have that lap dance now.”
5
Jamie
I haveno idea what I'm doing. I was ready to walk out the door until he went up on stage. At first, he seemed lost and distracted. Then, halfway through the song, he stole all attention in the room and the stage became his. Men were setting down their drinks to watch him; some were even spilling them while missing their mouths. His movements were flawless and so is he.
I should probably leave, but I'm not ready to go back to my empty house. Before coming here, I stopped by the house, hoping Rhys would be there. All it did was crush my heart into smaller pieces when I saw all his clothes missing from the closet and his engagement ring resting on the nightstand. I wasn't able to breathe until I Ieft the house we shared, and the first place I thought to go was here, to work up the courage to ask for a lap dance.
Rhys said I play things safe and am not spontaneous enough. I never even wanted to come to the strip club last night, but Rhys talked me into going weeks ago. He told me to stop being such a wet blanket and to enjoy a night out with my boys. To finally do something people don't expectmeto do, “just for one night,” he whispered. He wanted me to have fun for once. I thought I did have fun—thatwedid. Maybe it's all been in my head this whole time and I was too in love to see that I was the only one fully in the relationship.
I stand here shaking like a leaf, feeling the confidence I had a minute ago slip away. The dancer stares at me with his bright blue eyes growing wide. Without even thinking I chose to walk up to him and ask for the one thing I was more than sure I didn't want yesterday. Today is a new day and I no longer have a reason to feel guilty. “Unless the offer has expired, of course.”
