“I know and I'm sorry. I was confused and felt lost. Everything was happening so fast.”
I sigh loudly into the phone, running a hand through my hair. “You broke my heart, Rhys. I can't let you do that again. I'm sorry, but you can't come home.”
“Please, J. We never turned our backs on each other before.”
That's real rich coming from him. “You forget, you’re the one who turned your back on me first. I just hope he was worth it.”
“J, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it up to you. I don't expect you to want to marry me again.”
“It's not just you, Rhys. You ruined me from ever wanting to give my heart to anyone again.” Even someone as amazing as Taylor. If it wasn't for Rhys and the fact that Taylor is my student, I'd probably be willing to ignore the age difference and ask Taylor on a real date.
“Can I just come over so we can talk? Nothing else has to happen. I don't need you to forgive me today. I'm willing to wait and earn it.”
“Good, because I'm not willing to forgive you and I'm not sure I ever will be.”
“Do you still love me?”
Instead of saying yes right away, I hesitate for a bit. “Yes, but that's not always enough. You've proven that yourself.”
The line goes quiet on the other side and all I can hear is Rhys’s heavy breathing. I know I will regret these next words, but I still care about him, and I still feel love for him even though I wish I didn't. It's not something that just goes away in less than two months. It may never fully go away. “Okay, you can come over, but if you need a place to stay, you will sleep in the guest room.”
Rhys agrees before we both hang up the phone. Nothing else needed to be said. Whatever he has on his mind can be said in person even though I'm sure I've heard all I needed to hear. I finish putting dinner in the Instant Pot and run upstairs to change into more comfortable clothes and then the doorbell rings.
Rhys must have not been very far away and was counting on me saying yes. I open the door and a disheveled Rhys is standing on the other side with bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks. I move out of the way and gesture him inside, and instead of walking past me he throws himself against me, wrapping his arms around my neck, sobbing into my shoulder. “I'm so sorry, J. I've missed you so much.”
I stand there with my hands at my sides and my body goes rigid. He doesn't move and continues to cry into my shoulder, soaking my shirt until I finally give in, wrapping my arms around him.
Rhys was my best friend and the love of my life; it was still hard to see him this way no matter what he did. When he lifts his head, he stares deep into my eyes and his sunken, sad, pleading ones tell me he really is sorry. Before I can move away, Rhys grips my shirt between his fingers and crashes his mouth against mine. His kisses are rough and don't feel the same as they used to. Maybe it's because I don't want them to, or maybe it's simply because things aren't the same. I don't push him away and keep letting him kiss me, not doing much reciprocating.
He finally pulls back, looking up at me. “Could you ever love me the same way as before?”
“I don't know, Rhys. I don't know about any of this. I think we should take it one day at a time. How about you grab a shower while I finish dinner? You can borrow some of my clothes.”
He nods, heading upstairs toward what used to be our room, where only I've slept for the last month and a half. Rhys was unable to give me his love and devotion toward the end of our relationship and now I don't think I'm capable of giving it to him anymore. Those feelings I had before are no longer there. I still love him, but not the way I used to. A part of me also can’t help but resent him after everything he’s done.
We eat dinner in silence. The creamy sauce makes the pasta slide down my throat easier. I shove more bites into my mouth, letting the delicious taste occupy my mind. I don't want to think about what comes next. Even if we do get through today, what happens tomorrow or the next day?
We finish our food and agree to talk more tomorrow since it's Saturday and we both have the day off. I go to my room and he goes to the guest room with his eyes lingering in my direction. “Goodnight, J.”
I force a smile on my face, the way he did the day before our wedding. “Good night, Rhys.”
I toss and turn in my bed, closing my eyes, and don't budge when I hear a small creaking noise. I assume it's only Rhys going to the restroom or getting a drink of water. I bury my face in the covers, keeping my eyes closed, and I freeze when a bit of air hits my back from the blanket being lifted. A warm body squeezes next to me and Rhys's familiar peppermint scent fills the air. “I've missed you so much,” he whispers against my ear, sliding a hand down my hip. My body tenses the closer he gets to my groin, and I stop his hand before it can go too far.
“What are you doing in here, Rhys? We talked about this and you agreed you'd stay in the guest room.”
“It didn't feel right sleeping in there when this is our room, and this is the bed we picked out together.”
“It's not your bed anymore and you should go back to the guest room.”
“Please. J.” He rolls me to my back, climbing on top of me, and that's when I realize he's completely naked. His erection presses against my stomach, leaking precum on my skin, and everything about this feels wrong. “I love you and we belong together. We always said we could overcome anything.”
His lips hover over mine and I push him off me with a quick thrust of my hand, causing him to bounce on the other side of the mattress. “That was before you gave up on us and left me for someone else. Why are you suddenly willing to overcome things now? Is it because the grass didn't end up being greener on the other side?”
Rhys frowns and doesn't meet my eyes, his fingers trailing the fabric on the pillowcase. “I told you, I made a mistake. I panicked.”
“He left you, didn't he? So you thought you could just come back.”
His silence tells me everything I need to know. “Get out of my room and as soon as the sun rises, I want you gone.”
