“It's not that I don't think you're a great guy because I do, and I have fun when I'm with you and I’m able to get out of my head for a change. I just think it's time we get serious for a minute here. I'm not ready to date again.”
“I know, which is why we decided to keep it casual.”
He shakes his head, inhaling and exhaling loudly. “It just seems like it's turning into way more than that and I think it's best we hit the brakes before it does.”
“Is this because I sent you a text message this morning?”
“No, I've been feeling this way since we last saw each other on Friday.”
“Oh.” I fidget with my napkin, not wanting my disappointment to be apparent on my face.
“I'm sorry Taylor, I just…”
“No, it's fine. You don't need to be sorry since it's what we agreed on after all. No strings attached means we don't owe each other any explanations.”
He sighs, staring at me with sympathetic eyes. “We should have never kept going when we found out you were in my class and that was my fault. I'm the teacher. I'll be the one held liable. As I should be.”
“You can't blame yourself for this, since I'm just as responsible. I'm an adult who is fully capable of making his own decisions. I could have told you no, but I didn't.” I don't want Jamie to lose his job either and we are starting to get sloppy. I'm glad he interrupted me before I confessed my feelings to him. Doing that would have only made things more awkward. The tightness in my chest only increases the more I stare into Jamie's eyes.
“That's not how other people will see it. I'm a forty-two-year-old man sleeping with his twenty-three-year-old student. The only one people will shake their heads at is me.”
He's right. That is how it is in these kinds of situations and people may assume I was bribed with better grades even if it isn't true. “You don't have to say anymore. Really Jamie, I get it.”
“I just don't want there to be any bad feelings between us. If circumstances were different then maybe…”
“But they aren't. You didn't have to bring me to dinner to call things off.”
“I wanted to talk to you in person. Besides, everybody needs to eat, right?”
“I do eat.”
“Something else besides ramen.”
I laugh. “When summer comes, I'll be able to pick up more hours and buy the fancier kind that has the dried veggies in it.”
He laughs, shaking his head. “I'll really miss our conversations.”
I'm sure I will miss them way more than he will.
19
Jamie
The next weekgoes by and I should be glad things between Taylor and I haven't been awkward. He treats me the same way the other students do, but I can't help but miss his flirty glances and touches. I miss him waiting outside my classroom with a mischievous smirk on his face asking me to go somewhere with him. Ending things is for the best. Not just for me, but for him as well. Maybe things can change later when the semester ends and he's no longer my student. Maybe I'll fully be over what Rhys did to me, but I have a feeling it may take longer than that. Especially since I no longer have Taylor to distract me from my pain.
I've hidden most of mine and Rhys’s pictures in drawers, all except one—my favorite. It was two months after we started dating when we went on vacation and ended up in the wrong cabin. Who knew a disastrous vacation could turn into the best weekend of my life?
These are the kind of things Rhys used to laugh about with me. Like when my car broke down a year ago and we were forced to stay in some cockroach-infested motel with a fold out bed that kept closing when one of us got off it. We got through all those hardships together because at the end of the day we still had each other. I don't have anyone to help me get through them now.
My fingers trace over the smiles on our faces trapped beneath the glass of the picture frame. Who knew that one day I would no longer be the reason for his? My phone buzzes on my nightstand and my heart speeds up when I think it might be Taylor. But when I notice Rhys’s name instead, my excitement falls. I'm not ready for more distant conversations with him or to talk about how many days there are before I have to be out of the house. The phone continues to ring, and I pick it up, answering it. I know I don’t have to leave right away and can fight it, but I’m tired of fighting and I rather be done with it all. I want to break all ties to the man who tried to destroy me. “Hey, Rhys. I'm trying to get out of the house as soon as possible. You haven't exactly given me much time. I should be out in the next week or two. Johnathan is supposed to help me move more stuff into storage this weekend.”
“I actually didn't call to talk about the house.” His voice comes off shaky and I don't miss the sniffling that happens in between each pause. “I called because I want to come home.”
With my mouth agape, I almost lose my grip on the phone. “What do you mean you want to come home? We’re selling the house, remember? And you moved out over a month ago.”
“I know and I realize that was a mistake now. Can I just come over so we can talk in person? I miss you, J. I fucked up and I know I did. But I panicked, and instead of running away, I should have talked it through with you.”
“You didn't just run away; you did it with someone else.”
