18
Taylor
I can't forgetabout the way Jamie stormed out of the club two nights ago. I texted him this morning like an idiot, hoping he would respond, but it's already nearing dark, and I've gotten nothing back. I tap my pen against my notebook, my knees bounce beneath the table, and I no longer know what I'm looking at when I stare back at my textbook. I nearly jump out of my seat when my phone vibrates; I know I need to get out of my head and stop thinking about a man I can't fully have.This is a fling and nothing more,I remind myself as I reach for my phone. I nearly swallow my tongue when I see who the message is from.
Jamie: Hey, could we meet today? I really think we should talk before class tomorrow.
It's never a good thing when people say that. At least not in the movies I've seen. I can't exactly make that assumption based on my own life because all the guys I’ve dated either stopped answering me or showed up to our dates with other people. I sigh, taking my time responding. I type a message and delete it halfway through, shaking my head as I type the new one, hitting send before I can change my mind. It's better to get it over with and see what he wants. I'm sure it won't make class any less awkward tomorrow either way.
Me: Sure. I'm free now if you want to grab dinner.
Jamie: Dinner sounds perfect. How about I pick you up from your place?
I panic, glancing around my apartment, reminding myself why I never asked him to drop me off before. I didn't want him to see where I live even though I don't think he will judge me for it. Jamie doesn't seem like that type of person, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. My last boyfriend hated staying at my apartment and would joke about getting his car stolen if he stayed for too long. I'm guessing that's why he’d made excuses not to come over and probably found his secretary's bed more appealing. It was either a cheap studio apartment on the wrong side of town or not having the money saved up for my tuition when my scholarship runs out. I make decent money, but college takes a good amount of it and I've been trying to save up for a car so I can stop asking my friends for rides and freezing my ass off on the bus. I don't want Jamie to see me as less than he already probably does. My phone buzzes again.
Jamie: Still there?
Me: Yeah, can you pick me up at this coffee shop called Zane's Bean Shack on South and First? I can text you the address if you need it.
Jamie: No. I got it. I'll be there in thirty minutes or so.
I rush out of my chair, running to my mirror to make sure my hair and face are decent enough. I trade my old science shirt for a sweater and pull on a pair of jeans. There are dark circles under my eyes that need to be covered and I could definitely use some drops after straining my eyes studying all day.
After smearing some concealer on my face and getting rid of some of the redness in my eyes, I grab my coat and run out the door. It typically takes me ten minutes to walk to the coffee shop but with how cold and snowy it is outside, it may take a bit longer. I pull out my hat and shove it over my head, no longer caring about hat hair if it means I can keep my ears from getting frostbitten. The wind chill really picks up by the time I arrive in front of the coffee shop and I glance at my phone, happy I have fifteen minutes to warm up and not appear as if I just ran here.
The shop's warmth wraps around me the minute I step inside and the aroma of coffee and pastries enters my nose, making my stomach rumble. Walking to the front counter, I stare up at the menu, deciding on a drink to order. Not only does my body crave the warmth and caffeine, I also need to make it look like I was already here drinking coffee.
I stare at my phone until my name is called and grab my drink from the smiling barista. As I sit down at the table by the window, I watch Jamie's car pull up. I don't wait for him to get out before heading back into the cold. He’s nearly outside his car when I reach the sidewalk, sipping on my coffee. I hurry to the other side of the car and Jamie seems hesitant about something when he's pulling onto the road. “So, how long have you been at the coffee house?”
“Only a few hours. I sometimes go there to meet with friends, but they had to leave a bit early,” I lie.
“Oh. I was about to say, if I was interrupting something, we can reschedule.”
I shake my head, watching the snow fall outside the window. “Nope. I was just about to head home when you messaged me. I'm glad you did though because I'm starving, and I think I've had my fair share of ramen for the month.”
“Ahh, I remember the ramen days. Oh, to be young again.”
Great, all I did was remind the guy why he should want nothing to do with me; why I'm not good for anything more than a few casual fucks. Because not only am I broke, but I'm also really young. I know I was swearing off men not long ago, but there’s something about the man sitting next to me that makes me want to forget I even thought about it.
The restaurant is about as empty as I thought it would be on a Monday. We’re taken to a table in the back and Jamie pulls out my chair before taking a seat in his. “You don't have to do that every time, you know?”
He chuckles, opening his menu. “I know, but…” His words trail off and he doesn't even have to finish for me to know what he's going to say. I glance down at his hand and no longer see the gold ring on his finger.
I release a sigh and I'm not sure if it's in sadness or relief. “It was what he liked, wasn't it?”
He nods, not meeting my eyes. “Yeah, he uh...was the only guy I've been in an actual relationship with. We've known each other a long time.”
I smile, realizing what he's trying to say. He doesn't have anyone else to compare me to. Rhys was all he knew, and he just assumed every guy wanted those things from him. If only he can see that he’s more than enough. No extra bells and whistles are needed. That's when I know I can’t keep lying to myself about how I feel for this man. I like Jamie, and not just because he's good in bed, but because he is the sweetest and most caring man I've ever met. I can tell when he loves, he does it with his whole heart. Not just in his relationships but also when it came to his job, his hobby, and his home. When he's passionate about something, he gives it his all, and who wouldn't want to be around someone like that all the time.
“Listen, Jamie, I'm not sure why you asked to meet me here today but I'm assuming it's not for a hook up or food.”
He sets down his menu and reaches for his water. “You’ve assumed right. It's more about what’s been happening between us.”
My heart flutters at his last words. He feels it too. “I agree there is something between us and…”
“It's dangerous. Not just because I'll lose my job, but because I don't want anything to happen with your scholarship if I'm forced to drop you from my class. I don't want people thinking I'm grading you unfairly but I also…”
“Don't want it to turn into something more…” I finish for him.
