I took a deep breath. “There is something else. Your mother knows now, but it’s something that I wasn’t even sure about myself until recently.”
Brooklyn pulled her hands away from each of us and folded them across her chest. “What?” she asked flatly.
I clasped my hands in my lap to try and keep them from shaking, but I realized that it wasn’t just my hands; tremors had begun to rock my whole body. I don’t think I’d ever been more afraid of anything in my entire life. The look in her eyes told me that she had already guessed what it was, but I still owed it to her and to myself to say the words.
“I’m bisexual.”
Brooklyn’s chair scraped across the tile floor as she pushed away from the table and stood. “I can’t…I don’t…I can’t be here right now. I’ll be at Jenny’s if there’s an emergency.” With that, she grabbed her car keys off the hook by the door and headed out.
I stood, ready to go after her, but Gayle stopped me by grabbing my arm. “Let her go for now.” I whipped my head in her direction, angry that she didn’t want to chase after our daughter just as much as I did.
“She needs some time,” she said softly. “We threw an awful lot at her at once. Give her some time to absorb it all. She’ll be safe over at Jenny’s and we can try and talk to her again tomorrow.”
I felt myself deflate, the anger rushing out of me as quickly as it had set in. I knew Gayle was right and that if I pushed Brooklyn right then, I could wind up doing even more damage. But God, did it hurt. Pain wracked my being because I’d just hurt the most important person in my life and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
“Do you need me to stay?” I asked quietly.
She shook her head sadly. “No, I think I’ll leave this here until morning and go soak in a hot bath for a while.”
“Okay. Call me if you need anything.” We hugged each other, and I kissed her on the forehead then let myself out.
I drove around aimlessly for a while. My head was spinning with all the what-ifs. What if Brooklyn can’t forgive me? What if she feels so betrayed that she never wants to come home again? What if she never trusts me again? What if I’d just lost her for good?
She’d been hurt and confused by the news of Gayle’s and my split. Any kid would be when they found out their parents were getting a divorce, but she seemed like she was trying to make sense of it. I could see her working it out in her head and I had faith that she’d come around, eventually. Then I dropped my bombshell, and everything changed. I could see her shutting down and putting up walls to protect herself. It was all there on her face, as clear as day, and it felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest.
Brooklyn had always been close to both me and Gayle, but there was a special bond between me and my daughter that was unique to only the two of us. When she was little, she was my constant shadow; helping me fix things around the house and pitching in as I made breakfast on Saturday mornings. Even as a teenager, when most parents had to force their kids to spend time with them, she would be right by my side, helping me do yardwork, or curled up on the couch with a book while I watched TV.
There’d always been a look in her eyes that let me know that she trusted me to keep her safe. That look had said that she knew I’d always be there for her without fail, and that I would never, ever cause her pain. But I had hurt her. Badly. And the trust in her eyes had been replaced with utter devastation and betrayal. I tried to push the vision away, but my mind betrayed me, insistently playing it over and over again on an endlessly painful loop.
My body was still trembling, full of emotions that I had no idea what to do with. I was barely holding on and I knew it wasn’t safe for me to be driving. I considered going back to my condo, but the last thing I wanted was to be in that cold and unfamiliar place, surrounded by boxes of memories of a family that had been torn apart. I didn’t want to be alone. I needed someone to hold me together while I fell apart.
I needed Oliver.
It didn’t take me long to get to his place and then I was standing in front of his door. My hand was shaking as I lifted it in the air to knock and a strong tremor rocked my body as everything I’d been holding in threatened to spill out. I knocked on his door, and it was only a few seconds before he opened it. He took one look at my face and opened his arms wide for me.
I collapsed into his embrace right as the dam burst and a torrent of tears broke free. Oliver never let go, but somehow, he managed to get both of us inside and shut the door. His arms wrapped around me and he held me so tightly that I could feel his heart beating against my own chest. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and I knew I had to be soaking his shirt, but he never once complained. Instead, he began to sway, gently rocking me back and forth while I cried.
Once in a while he would kiss the side of my head or whisper in my ear that he was there and that I wasn’t alone, but mostly, he just held me. He was sweet, and he was loving, and I was so thankful to have him because he was absolutely everything I needed.
When the worst of the sobbing had passed, he led me over to the couch and we sat down. He never interrupted as I told him everything that had happened; from picking Brooklyn up at the airport and how thrilled she was with her new life to the difficult conversation that led to that final, devastated look on her face.
“And now, I don’t know,” I said with a shrug. “She was so upset. I don’t know if I can make her understand or if she’ll even be willing to listen to me at all. I may have lost her for good,” I finished saying and then drew in a ragged breath. I had no idea how it was possible to have any tears left, but my eyes began to fill up anyhow.
Oliver’s eyes were full of compassion as he cupped my face and used his thumbs to wipe the tears from my cheeks. Speaking softly, he said, “I don’t know Brooklyn personally, so I can’t really say for sure what she’ll do. But what I do know is that she was raised by a mother who is strong and supportive and refreshingly non-judgmental, based on how she’s treated you.
“She also has a father who is kind and caring and who never even bats an eye when the guy he’s dating wears makeup or high heels. A man who looked beyond the face of a model, which is all most people see, and took the time to get to know the person underneath. You and Gayle both obviously look beyond the superficial and you have raised your daughter to do the same. You’ve raised her to find the truth in a person’s actions instead of just what they say.”
I leaned my cheek into his hand, letting his warmth soak into my skin as I listened to his words and felt my first spark of hope. “She’s hurting right now, and she probably feels like her foundation has been rocked a bit, but I honestly believe that after some time, she’ll want to talk. And when she does, you can remind her that even though your life is changing, you’re still her father and your love for her is still as strong as it’s ever been.”
“How did you get so wise?” I gave him a watery smile.
Oliver’s smile was surer. “I just listen and watch, and I think I’ve gotten to know you pretty well. You are a good man, Samuel Bishop. You changed your entire life to do right by that little girl and she has that same goodness in her. She won’t turn her back on you, I’m sure of it.”
“Oliver?”
“Yes?”
“I’m so tired.”
“I know, honey.”
“Oliver?”
“Yes?”
“I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
Without another word, he took my hand and led me down the hallway and into his room. There was nothing sexual in his movements as he began undressing me. I’d had a whirlwind of emotions go through my body that day and it was as if he could sense, without me having to say anything, that anymore might break me.
Instead, he stripped me down to my underwear then held the sheets back, so I could climb into bed. My eyes grew heavy as he removed his own clothes and then climbed into bed next to me. I reached for him and he slid his arms around me as I laid my head on his chest. The feel of his fingers running through my hair and the sound of his heart beating beneath my ear pulled me further down until I finally drifted off to sleep.
