Bennett left a month ago.
A month of tense silence at the dinner table and explosive fights. A month of anger and pain and pouring my heart out to Penny because she’s the only one who understands. A month of loneliness. I feel like a shell of a person, too tired to eat and too hungry to sleep, my skin worse than it was in freshman year. My calls to Bennett go straight to voicemail, but I can’t seem to stop myself from trying over and over again. Even my texts won’t deliver. He just walked out, blocked me, and washed his hands of it all.
I didn’t think I was that easy to forget.
Penny says I should forget all about him. She thinks he’s an asshole that used me, but she didn’t see that shadow of pain in his eyes before he left. I can’t explain how gentle his hands were when he touched me, even when he was being rough.
He never made me feel disposable, not until he left.
This last week has been the worst. All the stress is catching up to me, and I’ve been throwing up constantly. Half of what Idomanage to choke down comes back up, and I’ve given up trying to eat at all before noon. I’m miserable, physically and emotionally, and I can’t help feeling like I deserve it.
If I had just been honest with Bennett, told him how I felt, how much he meant—means—to me, maybe this would have panned out differently.
I was perfectly happy to waste away in my sickness, but Mom yanked me out of bed this morning and forced me out of the house. At first, it seemed like she was going to drag me along with her all day, but she dropped me off at Dr. Mulaney’s and told me to get a check up while she was out on a house call.
So here I am.
Everyone is treating me like I’m made of glass, talking in hushed tones about how awful I look like I can’t hear them. I don’t have the energy to be mad about it.
The door clicks open, and Dr. Mulaney slips back inside, a pitying smile on her face. Her red hair is pulled back in a high ponytail, soft blue scrubs reflecting off the overhead lights as she sits down and crosses her long, willowy legs. It feels weird to be nothing but a patient here again, even though I didn’t work here forthatlong.
“I ran a pregnancy test,” she says bluntly.
I blink at her in surprise, my mind sluggishly absorbing her words.
“Why?” I ask with a broken chuckle.
Bennett and I fuckedtwice. Sure, he came inside both times, but I washed out afterward. Besides, it would beinsaneif I got pregnant from losing my virginity. That’s the kind of shit that hyper-religious weirdos threaten their kids with to make sure they stay abstinent.
“You’re having morning sickness, mood swings, extreme fatigue, and your period is late.”
“By aday,” I argue, scoffing. “It’s not always clockwork, it’ll probably hit today or tomorrow. I thought you were checking for, like, the flu or something. I’m notpregnant.”
Dr. Mulaney’s eyes twitch at the corners, but she doesn’t say anything else. She just hands me a piece of paper. My vision goes fuzzy around the edges as I reach out for it, the paper crinkling in my too-tight grip. I’m sure it’ll be negative, but that doesn’t explain Dr. Mulaney’s weird behavior.
I brace myself and look down. One word is highlighted, and it stares right back at me, mocking and punching my heart straight out of the back of my chest.
Positive.
Pregnancy test - positive.
The world tilts off its axis, dizziness slamming into me along with a healthy dose of pure, gut deep panic. I drop my hand to my stomach and look up at Dr. Mulaney, eyes wide as my whole body shakes.
“What?” My voice is choked with fear. “What is—what does this mean? I’m not… I can’t be! Run it again, it’s not right!”
The corners of her mouth tug down into a sympathetic frown, and she pulls out another piece of paper.
“I ran it three times, Maggie,” she says gently. “You’re pregnant.”
The words steal my breath from my lungs, and I feel faint just at the thought.
I’m dreaming. I have to be. There’s no way this is real. I pinch my thigh, hard, and hiss when pain flares brightly.
Fuck.
“No,” I whisper. “I—no, Ican’tbe.”
Dad will kill me. Bennett’s not even here, or Dad would kill him too. I can’t do this on my own, I can’t do this at all. This isn’t how any of this was supposed to turn out!
