So there it was. But instead of answering, Nolan stared at him.
GRAYSON WANTEDto be a family.
Of all the things he could have said, that was about the last thing Nolan expected.
He stared at Grayson probably more than was appropriate, but it felt like his brain had short-circuited. And suddenly he was transported to the moment, years ago, when he’d decided he wanted to marry Ricky.
It had happened in an instant. They’d been out in LA somewhere, shopping for something practical. Nolan couldn’t remember exactly what—probably something for Nolan to wear to Ricky’s next movie premiere party. The kinds of made-for-TV romance movies Ricky had been making in those days didn’t merit splashy red carpets, but usually the studio paid for everyone to watch the movie’s premiere in a private event space, and typically everyone dressed up. Ricky had a stylist who picked out event clothes for him, but Nolan had decided that was an unnecessary expense for him, so they’d likely been in some high-end shop trying to find the perfect suit.
They’d been together for long enough by that point that they had a shorthand, and Nolan could tell when he lifted a shirt off the rack that Ricky didn’t like, just by the expression on Ricky’s face. And something about that had felt so homey and charming. Nolan had never felt connected to another person that way, and he’d decided, in that moment, to propose.
Grayson was right—Nolan was in no hurry to get married again. He wasn’t completely against the idea. He wasn’t so naive as to think that not getting married would somehow make him immune from facing some other tragedy in his life. But it still felt odd to even think about marrying someone else when part of him still felt married to Ricky.
On the other hand, the man sitting in front of him was someone entirely different. Grayson had walked into Nolan’s life and made Nolan feel alive again. These past few months, Nolan had felt whole and human for the first time since Ricky had been diagnosed with cancer. Ricky was gone; he’d want Nolan to move on.
And here was Grayson saying he wanted to be a family… with him.
Wasn’t that what Nolan had been after the whole time? He didn’t want to replace Ricky, and he knew he never could, but he’d been filling his life with what Ricky would have wanted for him. He had Rachel now. He had a good home and a job he loved. And now he had Grayson.
He’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop since the moment he’d met Grayson, hadn’t he? Well, maybe not at first, but definitely since he found out Rachel was on the way. He’d been waiting for Grayson to decide that this whole home-and-family thing was not what he wanted at this point in his life. Except it seemed as if it was. Nolan had listened to everything Grayson had said, and he knew now that all of this was exactly what Grayson wanted. For Nolan, this moment was like letting out a breath he’d been holding for a long time.
So he wasn’t sure about marriage… yet. But being with Grayson, he could do that.
“You’re not saying anything,” said Grayson. “It’s been a few minutes.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just… thinking.”
“I’ve shocked you. I’m sorry. I just… I needed you to know how I felt.”
“I’m glad you told me. I….” Nolan had no idea what to say.
Grayson loved him. And, well, he loved Grayson back, didn’t he? It wasn’t something that had ever crystallized in his heart or his mind, but the whole reason he hadn’t been able to let Grayson go—not that Grayson was willing to be let go—was that part of him had been in love with Grayson from the first moment they’d set eyes on each other. And the truth was, although he’d been holding Grayson at arm’s length, he hated nights when Grayson slept in Brooklyn. He hated sleeping in his big bed alone. He wanted Grayson here as much as Grayson wanted to be here, but he’d been afraid to admit that to himself, afraid to want something he didn’t know if he could—or should—have.
In a lot of ways, it was still too soon. But it also felt right.
“I love you too,” Nolan said. “I don’t know that I realized that for certain until just now, but it’s true. And I love having you in this space. And if you’re really willing to be my partner, to raise Rachel with me and for us to be a family? Then I’m in. I want that for us.”
A huge grin broke out across Grayson’s face. He shot out of his chair, and Nolan realized he was standing too, before he had a good grasp on what he was doing. Grayson threw his arms around Nolan, so Nolan hugged him back.
“It’s going to be hard,” Nolan said. “Raising Rachel will be hard, and being together will be hard, and there’s so much to work out and sort through, but… it’ll be good too.”
“Yeah. It’ll be good.” Grayson kissed Nolan.
Nolan forgot any objections he’d ever had as they kissed. He held Grayson in his arms and wanted to weep with how good this felt. He snuck his fingers into Grayson’s hair and said, “I never thought I’d fall in love again so soon.”
“And this doesn’t mean you love Ricky any less, nor will it tarnish his memory,” Grayson said. “It’s just a new chapter in your life.”
“Yes.” He held Grayson close. “Yes, a new chapter. I like that.”
“So we’re gonna do this?” Grayson said, pulling away. “Because I’ve already started packing. I could hire a man with a van and get the rest of my stuff over here next weekend.”
Nolan laughed. “How much stuff are we talking?”
“Not a lot. It’s mostly clothes. I could donate most of my furniture to my roommates, since it’s not worth much. I’ve got a few kitchen gadgets and some linens that arenotbeige or white.”
“Uh-huh.” Nolan nearly laughed. He couldn’t believe he was letting Grayson move in here, but he supposed he did need more color in his life.
“Come on, let’s eat,” Grayson said. “I’m starving.”
