She looked a little bit like Angela. Dark hair peeked out from under the little pink cap on her head. But Clyde was right; she had huge eyes, a cute little nose, and a perfect cupid’s bow of a mouth. That was really all of her that he could see because she was wrapped so tightly in a hospital blanket with blue stripes.
“She’s… perfect,” Nolan said.
Tears stung his eyes as he looked at this baby girl he’d loved instantly. He’d been worried he wouldn’t. After all, he’d played no role in her conception. But everything that had happened to Nolan in the past two years hit him all at once, and he started to cry.
“Here, have a seat,” the nurse said, perhaps anticipating that Nolan was about to lose it. She led him over to a rocking chair in the corner. So Nolan sat with the baby and started to rock, holding her close to his chest.
Everything that had happened, from the moment he’d said to Ricky, “Yes, let’s do it,” to the early meetings with the adoption agency and the home visits and then Ricky’s diagnosis, played through his head. Nolan held that baby girl close as he remembered Ricky’s funeral and the way it had felt like all the dreams they’d had together had suddenly evaporated. He thought about moving to New York, to reemerging from his hibernation, to meeting Grayson. He pictured Grayson now, awkwardly leading Justin and Peter through the big reveal of their newly renovated house.
Nolan didn’t truly know how Grayson felt about children, but he couldn’t believe how Grayson had leaped into action after that phone call last night. Or earlier this morning, he supposed. Grayson had insisted he’d set up the baby area of the apartment and buy all the supplies Nolan needed. And he’d made sure Nolan hadn’t only packed pants—which is almost what happened—then reminded Nolan to make a hotel reservation. In other words, Grayson had taken care of Nolan, and that was something Nolan just hadn’t expected.
“Do you have a name in mind?” Clyde asked.
“I’ve been thinking about names but hadn’t totally settled on one.”
He looked at the baby. He wanted to find a way to honor Ricky, but there wasn’t a female equivalent of Ricardo that he knew of. He’d been playing around with similar names: Carla, Rita, Ramona… but none of them felt right. Then he remembered that Ricky had been indirectly named after his aunt Raquel, who by all accounts had been a free spirit and someone Ricky had long looked up to. She’d died shortly before Nolan met Ricky, but they’d always been close. It had been Raquel who had helped Ricky come out to his parents, Raquel who had been the first to tell him it was okay to be gay.
That was how Nolan landed on the name Rachel. It was a name he’d always liked. It was different enough from Ricky that the connection probably wasn’t obvious, but Nolan would know, and that was what was important. And for reasons he couldn’t explain, he thought his little girl even looked like a Rachel.
“Do you want to feed her?” the nurse asked.
“Yes, please.”
The nurse helped Nolan unswaddle Rachel so that her arms were free, and then she handed Nolan a bottle. She then proceeded to give Nolan a lecture about formula and nipple sizes for bottles that Nolan only half listened to, because he was too taken by the way Rachel—hisdaughter—stared up at him while she ate.
NOLAN EVENTUALLYwent to his hotel. He’d spent most of the day at the hospital. Once the sun set and it became clear that he was almost too tired to stand, the nurse had ordered him out.
The hospital wanted to keep Rachel overnight, just in case. Nolan almost felt empty as he rode in a cab to the hotel. But he checked in, ordered room service, and called his mother to let her know what was going on. He was about to call Grayson when room service arrived, and his stomach growled, so he decided to eat first.
Immediately after he ate, he fell asleep.
He woke up before the sun was up, but it was a reasonable time in the morning on the East Coast. He got up, showered, and realized he still hadn’t called Grayson as he got dressed.
So much for keeping Grayson updated.
It was about nine in New York when he finally called. Grayson answered on the third ring.
“Oh, God, I hope everything is okay!” Grayson said quickly.
“Yes, everything is fine. I’m sorry I forgot to call yesterday, but there was just so much going on when I got to the hospital. Once I got to the hotel last night, I kind of just passed out.”
“It’s okay. How is the baby?”
“Good. Her name is Rachel. Here, I’ll text you a photo.”
Nolan put Grayson on speaker and then sent him one of the approximately ten thousand photos he’d taken of Rachel the day before.
“Oh, my goodness, she isprecious,” said Grayson.
“How did the reveal go?”
“Oh. Good. It was good. Definitely weird without you, though. Don’t make me do the next one alone. But Justin and Peter were thrilled with the design. They really loved all the glass and the wrought iron on the staircase, and they even liked the colorful pillows on the sofa. So I’d call that a success.”
“Good, I’m glad that worked out.” Nolan rubbed his eyes, trying to focus on the call. “So, I’m going to be out here for two weeks, it looks like. Helena is my next call, because we’ll have to reschedule some things if you don’t want to do the consultation with the Chus by yourself.”
“Yeah, I think that’s best. I mean, people aren’t tuning in to seeme. I’m bound to disappoint the Chus if I show up by myself.”
“That’s not true, but I take your point.”
