“Sure, no problem.” Nolan handed Grayson the keys.
Nolan then leaned over and kissed Grayson. He wondered if the move was inappropriate under the circumstances, but then Grayson hooked his hand behind Nolan’s head and held him there. They kissed for a long moment, but the longer they stood here, the later they’d get home. So Nolan pulled away and said, “I’ll only be a few minutes.”
It wasn’t until he was walking back into the building that he realized he’d told Grayson he was taking him “home,” and that he’d meant his loft, as if Grayson belonged there. And maybe he did. Except that soon, there’d be a baby.
Lord, what was Nolan getting himself into?
Chapter Seventeen
AFTER THEwaterworks outside the night before, Grayson felt somewhat embarrassed to be walking back into Rainbow House, but he was here, he was queer, and he was ready to get rolling on this redesign.
He hated that he’d broken down in front of Nolan, but Nolan had been so sweet to him the rest of the night. They’d gotten dinner delivered and then snuggled on the sofa to watch the dumb primetime soap Grayson was really into. Then they’d made love in Nolan’s bed for what felt like half the night, and Nolan had held him tightly afterward.
Finally Nolan had decided it was time to talk. “My life is open. You probably know everything there is to know about me. The great pain of my life is Ricky. And I guess I kept you at arm’s length because I didn’t want to get you tangled up in the dark ugliness of my grief, because you seemed so, I don’t know, young and happy—as if nothing ever bothered you. But now that I see your pain, I don’t know. I want to take it from you and make it better.”
“I feel the same way about you. I don’t want you to hurt anymore,” Grayson said.
Nolan had cried a little then too, but rather than finding it off-putting, Grayson thought it beautiful.
Maybe the lesson here was that intimacy came from vulnerability—Nolan would never truly understand him without knowing where he came from. And now Nolan knew about all his demons and hadn’t, for one moment, hesitated to take Grayson in and hold him close.
They’d crossed some kind of line now, and Grayson didn’t think there was any going back.
He knew he’d cry again, probably with a camera rolling, while they worked on this project, but he also thought he’d gotten the worst of it out of his system.
He surveyed the common room now and took it all in. “It’s even more hideous in the daylight.”
“I know,” said Nolan. He turned to Marcus. “Okay. First order of business is to get everything out of here. There’s a dumpster in the parking lot, so let’s get the kids in here and unload it all. What are we keeping?”
“Well, the books, we should keep,” said Marcus. “You can put the bins in my office. Pretty much everything else can go.”
There were six kids available, so they teamed up and unloaded everything. Happily, the old, cheap furniture wasn’t very heavy. None of it was salvageable, so it all went in the dumpster. Then Nolan got some of the kids to help him roll up the old carpet, which was stained with God only knew what. That, too, went in the dumpster.
Brian, the big kid Grayson had met the day before, came over to him. “So, Marcus said that probably everyone from the show working on this project would be queer. Does that mean you too?”
“Yup,” said Grayson. He didn’t love how forward this kid was, but he wanted Brian and all the shelter residents to feel comfortable with him and Nolan. “And Travis, our contractor, is dating a guy too. Maybe that’s the unexpected one. I don’t know if anyone is really shocked when interior designers are gay.”
“I guess not. And Nolan ishot.” Brian pronounced theThard.
Grayson wanted to snap that Nolan was taken, but no one on the show knew they were a couple. So instead he said, “Nolanishot, but I think he’s seeing someone. He’s also, like, twenty-five years older than you are.”
“Sure, I know. Just saying.”
In the end, they were left with a giant room with high ceilings and an echo, now that the carpet and furniture were gone. Nolan stood in the middle of it and looked around.
“This is going to be so great, guys,” Nolan said. “Travis is coming tomorrow, and I’m going to put him to work building some shelving and other things. I called in a favor, and we’ve got flooring coming on Thursday. But tomorrow, if any of you are available, I want to get this place painted. That’s going to be our main task. And then after Thursday, I’m kicking you all out. No peeking until we finish the design, which will probably be Sunday night.”
The kids all nodded.
Before the meeting—Marcus, Helena, and eight kids standing in a circle looking at Grayson and Nolan—broke, Grayson took a step forward. “I just wanted to apologize for walking out yesterday. I freaked out a little, but it’s because I was homeless myself for about six months when I was twenty-two. And like a lot of you, it was because my parents kicked me out for being gay. So I want you to know I understand what a lot of you are living through right now, but this place!” Grayson looked around. “If I had known places like this existed, it would have made such a difference in my life. So I give you my promise that this is not just a job for me. For either of us.”
He looked at Nolan. Nolan nodded.
“This is personal,” Grayson continued. “I want to make this place a space where you’ll be able to come and feel like you’re at home. Yeah?”
“Yeah,” the kids all murmured.
They went back to the studio after that. Nolan fiddled with the floor plan while Grayson worked the phones to see about getting furniture delivered by the weekend. The sponsor who was donating it had a warehouse in New Jersey, and to save time and shipping costs, he offered to let them just take whatever they wanted if they could get a truck down there. “I think we should be able to arrange that,” said Grayson, hoping it was true. His next call was to Helena, who said that a truck could definitely be arranged.
