“I mean, realistically, this show is not going to go on forever,” Grayson added. “If we get more than a couple of seasons out of it, I’ll be surprised. I was thrilled just for the opportunity to work with you, but now that you’ve told me that you’re attracted to me and that I might have the opportunity tobewith you? I’m over the moon. And you can’t unring that bell. I can’t unknow that fact.”
“See, and that’s where I worry that I’m manipulating the situation. It’s not fair to you for me to act on my attraction. I shouldn’t have said anything, I shouldn’t have—”
“This is happening, Nolan. Accept it. Embrace it. You’ve reeled me in. It’s too late to throw me back.”
Nolan couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Oh, is that how it is?”
“I will admit I’m a little nervous about this whole situation. But just a little. Let’s evaluate. Before I got cast on the show, I was a barely employed interior designer, but I was getting by okay. What’s the worst thing that could happen here? You and I get involved, it doesn’t work out, you ditch me next season. If that happens, I still have a season of an interior design show on the Restoration Channel to put on my résumé and I’ll have gotten to be with an incredibly sexy man. Or, hey, maybe it works out and we live happily ever after. I’m okay with either outcome at this point. This isn’t like a corporate job where I’ll have to work my way up the ladder. Our initial run of this show is only six episodes, so hey, if the ratings suck, we’re both out of a job anyway. I intend to make the most of this opportunity.”
These were all good points. Nolan couldn’t believe how logical Grayson was being. But Nolan couldn’t help reminding him of one important fact. “Still, if I lose this job, I have other avenues.”
“Yeah, and how did you find those avenues?”
That was a fair point too. Part of it was just persistence. On top of his fashion designer client, Nolan had a college roommate who’d made a name for himself in Hollywood shortly after graduation—one of those stars who was so ubiquitous for a couple of years that it seemed like it wasn’t possible to make a movie without him—and he’d helped Nolan get a few jobs with people who had reputations for being tastemakers out in California. He’d done enough celebrity homes that soon enough, he was giving advice to Oprah’s viewers about how to liven up their living rooms, after which department stores started approaching him about doing home goods collections.
It helped that he was photogenic, and he knew it.
Then again, so was Grayson. He didn’t have much experience or self-confidence yet, but hedidhave a good eye and strong instincts. Nolan could teach him the rest.
“These are very odd circumstances,” said Nolan.
“If you don’t want to do this, that’s fine. I’ll catch the subway back to Brooklyn and return to work tomorrow, acting as if we didn’t have a nice dinner together and talk indirectly about sex. But you’re the one who put this idea on the table.”
Nolan wasn’t sure what to do. Give in to his desire or put up walls? Having a fling with a hot young thing was a pretty cliché way of moving on from the death of one’s spouse, but maybe it was exactly what he needed to start living again.
“I’m not young,” Nolan said.
“You’re not old either. Forty is hardly ancient. And I think you’re hot. That’s what matters, right?”
Nolan couldn’t keep himself from frowning, so he looked at the table. He’d let personal maintenance go by the wayside in that year he’d been hiding away, and he could see for himself that he was a little less firm and a little more gray than he’d been a year ago. Grayson didn’t have so much as a wrinkle; he was all smooth skin and bright colors.
“You have no reason to be self-conscious,” Grayson said.
“You say that, but—”
“We all feel insecure sometimes, but I will not accept that as a reason not to do this. Try again.”
Nolan laughed. Grayson was persistent, if nothing else. “Finish your cocktail. Then we’ll see, okay?”
AND SONolan brought Grayson back to his loft.
“You want something to drink, or…?” Nolan asked, not at all sure what to do once they were inside.
“Nolan. Babe. I am not here for cocktails.”
Nolan hated how nervous he was. Obviously it had been a while since he’d done anything like this, but it wasn’t that he was nervous about… performing. It was more that this felt… important. The first guy in a year who had snagged his interest was now standing across from him, his eyebrow cocked, waiting for Nolan to make a move. That had to mean something, right? This wasn’t just some random guy he’d picked up in a bar. It was Grayson.
Grayson, his coworker, who was fifteen years younger than he was.
But also Grayson, who was incredibly sexy and charming.
“Doyouneed a drink?” Grayson asked.
“I might,” Nolan said. “I just need to… slow down. For a second. It’s not that I don’t want to do this….”
“You’re freaking out.”
“A little.”
