“I already dismantled the slackline, and everything’s packed.”
Blinking, I glance around and notice the backpack is bulging on the floor. He’s also picked up the shards from the vase and returned the table and bedside table to their original places. I rub my forehead in surprise. It’s unbelievable that only a few hours ago, he didn’t want to wake up. In general, he suddenly appears to have twice as much energy as any normal mortal.
“What is it?”
I feel his eyes on me and force a smile to my lips even if I don’t feel like it. His explosions left their mark: a smashed chair lies in the corner, and in one spot, there’s a gigantic hole in the wooden paneling.
My smile fades. Everything about his behavior confuses me, and I can’t help the sinking feeling in my stomach. He calmed me down earlier with his beautiful words, but I was also completely confused. He said he was terrified and angry, but that’s not why you trash motel rooms. He also tore up the pad and broke the pencil.
I only ever leave shards behind.
Are his friends still looking for him?
“Kansas?”
My name sounds foreign because I’ve gotten so used to Tucks.
River clears his throat. “I guess I owe you an explanation for all this.” He gestures vaguely around the room.
I spot a shard on the floor he must have missed while cleaning and pick it up, placing it on the table. Basically, he doesn’t owe me anything. Still, I want to know everything. I stare at him, and for a few seconds, that gentle silence floats between us again.
“I certainly didn’t mean to scare you.”
River runs a hand through his hair, seemingly unsettled for the first time, and that look awakens a hundred longings despite the chaos of emotions inside me.
I nod to him.That’s okay, I try to signal to him, then form with my fingers.OK.
He shakes his head impatiently. “Nothing that scares you can ever be okay, understand?”
OK.
Now he laughs, which makes his face light up. “Seriously. We’ll talk—in your way and mine—but right now we need to get out of here.” He glances at the door. “Earlier, I was in the old barn behind the reception area and stole Miller’s bike.”
Looks like we don’t have to walk.
“I just wanted you to know.”
He stole Chester’s Porsche, drinks while driving, and most likely does drugs. Lately, he’s been trashing motel rooms, too. But, and this is becoming increasingly clear, no matter what he does, he would never hurt me. He looks after me, protects me. Because of me, he took on guys who were bigger than him in height and mass. Why am I acting like this simply because he destroyed some furniture? Didn’t Arizona once throw her math book at me?
I shrug my shoulders indifferently.OK.
We drive until I’m no longer afraid that those two guys might intercept us somewhere. Besides, we’re using dirt roads parallel to the highway. Under a sky full of twinkling stars, we set up camp for the night in an orchard next to a field. River brought along a sheet, which he spreads out as a base while I dig the sleeping bag out of the backpack and pad our bed with clothes.
Later, we lie next to each other, staring at the sky as River shows me the individual stars that make up the Swan. “The Swan is one of the brightest constellations in the summer sky.” He points to a star nebula in the south. “And there’s the Crane, but you can only see the Y... see?”
My jaw is throbbing, and I’m incredibly tired. I nod anyway, my gaze lost in the night sky. All my muscles hurt, but I can’t tell if it’s from sitting on the back of the motorcycle or from the attack.
“Tomorrow, we’ll stop at the Craters of the Moon. It’s only a short detour to Las Vegas, and your mom’s opening is in about two weeks. Did you know that the astronauts trained there as part of the Apollo program?”
He doesn’t expect an answer because he continues to stare at the sky.
“I always wanted to be an astronaut. Far from Earth. To be weightless, drifting into something endless and eternal.”
I’m completely surprised. I can imagine River as many things: a film star, a race car driver, or even a bomb disposal expert. But not a spaceman in a suit and helmet.
“But then I learned that stars can die, too. They’re like us, Tucks. They’re born, they burn out, and they die.” I feel him looking at me and turn my head in his direction. Then, he looks back up at the sky. “A star should be eternal, don’t you think?”
I nod again, but he doesn’t see it. The wind plays with his hair, which shines ghostly bright in the dark night. “Maybe thesky is just a graveyard, and all the lights we see have long since gone out.”
