It must have cost her a lot to say that. I know how jealous she can be, and River is the second boy who chose me over her. Although I would have preferred to do without Chester’s way of choosing me over her. “Let’s tell Dad and James we need time alone,” I suggest. “We’ll pack a few things and head out.”
Arizona takes my hand, and we walk back to the hotel.
“Kansas?”
“Huh?”
“Do you think I’m pretty?”
Now she’s gone crazy. “You’re the most beautiful girl I know.”
“Then why don’t guys ever want me?”
“All guys want you!”
“Chester, Asher, and Jacob didn’t want me. Neither does Dan.”
“These guys don't count.”
“I’m serious.”
“Chester, Jacob, and Dan are arrogant, mean idiots.” There have been so many nice guys who have chased her, but strangely enough, she has always fallen madly in love with the ones who ignored her. “Maybe it’s a pattern. Maybe you’re repeating Mom’s rejection?” I think about River as I say this and look at her, but she looks away. It will take time to get used to talking to each other after this gap. “Besides, Chester never really wanted me,” I say, not only to comfort her but because I actually believe it. “He was only interested in power, nothing else. You were just too strong for him.”
She peers at me, and a wave of warmth and affection emanates from her.Thank you, she says with her look. I don’t know what for, but now I truly understand how insecure she is.She always had to be so strong on the outside because I was so weak. Maybe she would have liked to be the one protected by her siblings—like that time on Halloween.
We find Dad and James in the lobby, still talking to a few employees and an officer. They both seem as upset as I feel. I look around nervously, but the Davenports have apparently retreated or are in a separate office. I have no idea what the consequences will be for Chester. After all, my statement is the only evidence; James didn’t see what happened firsthand.
I manage to give a statement to a young officer, shielded from all the others, taking only Arizona with me.
Afterward, I tell Dad that we’re going to sleep because we want to leave early tomorrow, feeling guilty for lying to him. He merely nods wearily. He’s wiped out, but the expression in his eyes when he looks at me is different than before. I see confusion, remorse, and guilt—but also love. A love for me and only me, not Mom, who he sees in me. Maybe it’s because of my new hair color that I don’t look so much like her anymore.
“We need to talk about this,” he says to me just before we leave the lobby. James is sitting on a velvet chair, rubbing his chin. We’re alone now that the employees have returned to their stations.
“Is James going to get in trouble?” I ask cautiously.
“Not if they believe you.”
“And if they don’t?”
“We’ll see. Senator Davenport is a powerful man.”
“Dad!” Arizona calls out indignantly. “That asshole Chester can’t get away with it. Right, Kans?” I nod, but I just want it to be over. I’ll never be able to prove what happened at school anyway.
Dad stands before us with his shoulders sagging, and I realize what this could mean to him. “Dad, what about the hospital? Are you going to lose your job?”
“I don’t want to move,” Arizona says, a little too shrilly and gets a reproachful look from James.
Dad sighs so deeply and heavily that my heart aches. I know how much he loves his work. “Maybe I’ll open my own practice.” His smile is genuine but exhausted. “I’ve been toying with the idea for a while. But,” he looks at me, “I won’t be able to pay the expensive school fees next year because I’d have to invest those funds into my own practice. I could start over, too, sweetheart.”
The stupid sweetheart almost makes me cry again. Suddenly, I feel like everything will be okay. I’ll go to Jackson High with Arizona, make new friends, and take a creative writing course. I’ll collect more beautiful and strange words and maybe write my own stories one day. Now I just have to stop River from going unsecured onto a highline, and everything will be fine.
I’ve waited so long, and now everything is finally going to be okay.
Mom was right about that one thing.
Or Tolstoy, to be precise.
Chapter 30
