• Loss of a parent
• Traumatic experience
• Crisis within the family environment
• Illness of a family member
• Illness of the patient
• Unclassifiable
He underlined three points. My whole body is shaking because I don’t know what it all means. Was I merely a project? Okay, he once said he’d read up on mutism, but there’s a difference between reading up on something and taking meticulous notes.
On the other hand, it also shows that he took my problems seriously while I ignored his. I only wanted to keep living in my dream world and shut out the world.
I wipe my eyes impatiently and read on.
Mutism/Selective Mutism:
Note:For someone who is mute or afraid of speaking, speaking is more than just opening their mouth and talking—it is a way of letting go of their silent identity, a trait deeply rooted in theircharacter. It even forms part of their identity, which is why giving up silence is so difficult.
The basic conflict must be resolved. Silence is always a solution. Every disadvantage also has an advantage. What advantages does silence bring?
If I don’t speak, I am not part of this world. If I am not part of this world, I will not be hurt as much! (Applies to Kansas!)
Create an external bridge to speech: blow, eat, click your tongue.
I remember the evening by the river when River asked me to blow on his skin. I realize that he did everything he could this summer to give me back my words. It never was the Big Five that he wanted to work through. From the beginning, he was concerned with bringing me back to life—getting me to talk, or rather, resolving the basic conflict. Because that was the key to my liberation.
Dazed, I stand there momentarily and then come to my senses. Maybe I can still catch him. Maybe he hasn’t been gone long.
I hastily fold the paper, grab the bag, and, since I still don’t have any shoes, run barefoot toward the floor’s curved escalators. I lean restlessly over the parapet, but I can’t see anyone of River’s stature anywhere. No one hurrying down the escalator. If he doesn’t want me to, I’ll never find him. He could be blond, black, or red. He could look like a trucker, a rock star, or a businessman. I press my hand over my mouth as Irush down the escalator, bumping into tourists. So many things suddenly dawn on me.
I’m jumping off a highline in Yosemite at the end of the summer. Well, most likely.
Most likely because he was certain he could save me. But why did he want to save me? Why did he do everything for me if he was going to break my heart afterward?
All of a sudden, I have a terrible thought. Maybe he doesn’t love me at all but was merely pretending? I stop, stunned. Was fulfilling my wishes his big goal—something he worked toward and would have done anything for? Did he deceive me into sleeping with him? Did he know how to get me to sayI love you? Of course, Asher Blackwell would know how to make a girl do that.
My heart aches so much it feels like it’s being blown into a thousand pieces. Everyone warned me. Everyone predicted this, and even River said it at the river.Don’t fall in love with me, Tucks. It’s not a good idea. My friends are right. I always leave only broken pieces behind.
I keep walking, reach the Strip, and push my way through the throng of tourists. I don’t even know what time it is.
I swiftly pull my phone out of my pocket and turn it on. Maybe River sent me a message. I was so flustered I didn’t even think of it.
It’s nine in the morning, but there are only messages from Dad and James. Nothing from River. No sign of life.
Shit!Tears well up in my eyes.
“I love you, damn it!” I whisper between all the strangers, not caring if the tears run down my cheeks or if someone hears me. I don’t care about any of that. River’s words flutter through my mind:Silence is always a solution. If I don’t talk, I’m not part of this world. If I’m not part of this world, I won’t get hurt so often.
However, right now, I am getting hurt. My fear is even worse. I pray, pray, pray that I find him before he hurts himself.
Shaking my head, I stare at my cell phone, the battery about to die.
Why am I only now realizing that I can text him? I open our chat, which we set up for emergencies. Not only can I write him, I can even send him a voice message. My pulse is thumping in my throat. I can call him!Of course!
I quickly dial his number, and it beeps several times, then the automatic message announces that he is unavailable, followed by a beep to leave a message.
