I have to save a girl, I promised myself. No—I promised June.
Memories tumble as if through an hourglass. Everything slows.
What happens when he pays off his debt?
Can he die then?
Suddenly, my heart races and doubles its beats, and pure adrenaline floods my veins.Oh no!He wants to finish it alone! Without me. He wanted to save me because he was irretrievably lost. And maybe he knew that from the beginning. Maybe I was never truly part of his plan.
Panicking, I pace the hotel room. I find a few things belonging to me that he didn’t take and stuff them into an unused garbage bag from the hotel before pausing.
Why didn’t I realize, actually anticipate, that he would leave? I mean, I was afraid of it, yet ultimately, I didn’t believe it one hundred percent. He’s Asher Blackwell. He can’t just run away.
But that’s exactly what he did for a whole summer.
Nervous, I pull on River’s clothes from yesterday—the oversized jeans with the alarm button clipped on and the black sweater. Something is bothering me, like the hole in the newspaper where the photo of Ben Adams used to be. With my heart pounding, I glance around and force myself to calm down.
“Concentrate!” My own voice still catches me off guard. I wait until it has faded from my ears, and then squint as if to focus my gaze. After another look around the room, I spot a white origami swan sitting on the dresser next to the king-size bed.
I notice immediately that it has handwriting on it, so I unfold it. It’s a sheet of printer-sized paper with River’s handwriting, leaning to the left and filling the entire paper.
Social Phobia:
• Fear of other people’s negative judgment is based on negative self-perception. This leads to a distorted perception of the ego.
Thought Patterns of Social Phobia:
• If I show emotions and physical responses, it gives others power over me.
• I have to suppress physical reactions, even normal ones, because others will see there is something wrong with me.
• I must not allow myself to have emotions because they weaken me and make me vulnerable.
What to Do with Social Phobia:
• Confrontation! Evoke and endure social conspicuousness! Deal with rejection!
Behave in such a way that you stand out, for example:
• Deliberately make a mess in a local establishment.
• Ask someone to let you go ahead of them at checkout, even if your shopping cart is full.
• Walk around with an umbrella even when the sun is shining.
I lower the paper for a moment as tears well up in my eyes.Causing confusion in the supermarket, I complete his list and find the items underneath.
Trembling, I read on.
•Allow feelings and recognize who you are! Learn to love who you are!
Mutism:
• Selectively mute children often speak normally with familiar people and/or in familiar surroundings.
• With strangers and people outside the home, however, they remain persistently and stubbornly silent. They often also avoid facial expressions/gestures.
Causes of Mutism/Selective Mutism:
